Love addicts fall in love too quickly and super easily. They see the person and, bam! They're head over heels before they even get to know them. This is because they have a voracious need to connect with someone. This is more than a healthy attachment. It's a hunger, which is overwhelming and most love addicts feel powerless to it.
Fantasy overload
Love addicts are often pre-occupied with repetitious thoughts, says Susan Peabody, author of Addiction to Love; Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships. If you're an addict, at first, these ruminations are about the desires you wish to fulfill with your new paramour. You may regularly lull yourself to sleep imagining how it's going to be the next time you see him or her. Or, you may regularly drift off at work thinking about the last time you spent together. If the relationship crumbles, you spend your time daydreaming of how it used to be, what you're going to do to win them over, or what it's going to be like once things get sorted out.
Day tripper
Thinking about your lover is natural but sometimes fantasy can cross into the realm of addiction. Ask yourself the following questions to find out if you're out of control. Be honest: Exactly how much time do you spend thinking about that someone else? Do you have a hard time getting your work done? Do you find it impossible to stop once you start? Do you cancel plans with friends? Meaning would you rather blow off an evening of The Sopranos and ice cream with friends to take a bath to fantasize? If you can't help yourself the first step is recognizing it. When you catch yourself in the act, literally pat yourself on the back for being aware. If you can't stop yourself, give yourself a time limit, says Peabody. This is called "thought stopping."
Smoke and mirrors
Love addicts usually need to control their lover's impression of them through deceit and dishonesty. This means they hide who they really are. If they are just falling in love with someone they'll filter out information that may make them look bad. They may even tell outright lies. Basically, the love addict mirrors the "love object" and tries to become a clone, says Debbie Mandel, author of Turn On Your Inner Light. They try very hard to be who their partner wants them to be. If you're a love addict you will do anything to please your partner, to the point of sacrificing what you want, need and value in your own life.
Instead, learn to be true to yourself and practice honesty. Don't lie or make yourself over because you are desperate to get someone's attention, says Peabody. Instead, build up your self-esteem so you don't need to hide behind a façade. Be aware of what you say. If you say "no," stick to it! Don't change your mind just to make someone else happy.
Addiction recovery
There are many forms of love addiction. And there are many ways to get recovery. To keep your neediness in check, Peabody suggests taking things slow, when you begin seeing someone new. Maintain the lifestyle you had before you met the current person of your dreams. Don't drop everything just to spend time with them. Keep in mind that if a relationship is meant to be, it will happen. There is even a 12-Step program called "Sex and Love Addiction" that you can join. You can also speak to one of our psychics who can help you find lasting love in a much healthier way.
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