Dear Red,
I just seem to
have no luck in relationships. I was married and my ex decided when I was
seven months pregnant that he did not want a family (we planned this together in
agreement) and walked out on me. We divorced soon after. I dated a
man for about six months and found he was still in love with his ex. I
thought I found my soul mate but one day it just ended and I do not know
why. Am I ever going to find true love? I am so lonely and would
like to have someone to share the good times and bad times
with.
Ginger in Lawrenceville
Dear Ginger,
You really have had a run of bad
luck when it comes to relationships!
But that's primarily what it is; just a somewhat long and drawn out run
of bad luck. This pattern will not
last forever; it will shift and change. But it is going to take time.
Being alone always comes with it's
own set of challenges, and falling into habitual loneliness is probably the
biggest challenge. Loneliness even
settles in among people who are in relationships. It is as much a state of being as it is
a state of mind. This is something
that you have the power to affect while you're waiting for love to come into
your life. Changing the state of
mind does change the state of being.
Developing more active relationships with friends and family helps, as
does finding joy and fulfillment in activities that can be done alone. These things don't expedite the onset of
a stable and loving romantic relationship, but they do make the time between now
and then feel much less like a punishment and more like living a
life.
You are not destined to go through
this life alone, but you do have a bit of a bumpy path in front of you before
you do find yourself in a relationship that will endure the good times and the
bad. Unfortunately, you still have
to recognize you are kissing a couple of more frogs before you finally get to
your prince.
Take control of your life and your
emotions. When you are dating,
enjoy the dating experience for what it is at that moment, rather than where you
think you would like it to go. You
seem to go from zero to relationship status pretty quickly, trying to create
security and fill the void. Just
keep in the back of your mind, through the next year to two years, that you will
have the relationship you want; just maybe not with the man who is sitting
across the table from you.
I see marriage for you, but not
within the next two years. It is
with a man you will meet after that time period. So while you will have what you want,
you are not going to have it now, which is when you want it. You now face a choice: Do you sit back
for the next couple of years wanting and waiting, or do you live life to fullest
each day knowing that when love finds you - it will be the real deal?
Brightest Blessings,
Red
Ext. 9226
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