Angela in Williamsburg, VA asks:
Dear Tansy ext. 5289,
I really dread the holidays coming, because that means that I’ll have to be in closer contact with my in-laws. They say that they really care about me, but when we all get together they say sarcastic, snide things to me that they think are over my head. I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to do about this. My husband wants me to get along with his family, which I try to do. I get so upset after these get-togethers that I just think and think about them. I know I’m supposed to love them, but it’s hard. What can I do?
Dear Angela,
First of all, I can see that you are a very nice person who would not think of saying negative things to others, and therefore, it’s difficult for you to understand the people who do. I will tell you now that people who constantly say derogatory things are very immature and undeveloped individuals. They feel that they are lacking something inside themselves, and want to bring you down to that level. There’s no tranquility for them, and they do not wish it for others.
Don’t feel alone. I’ve heard from others who have been subjected to this type of treatment. What I see being the best for you to do is to question any demeaning statements they may make to you, in a courteous, even cheerful manner. For example, if they say, “Angela, you have a very different way of dressing,” your question to them should be “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you mean by that.” If they attempt to repeat the catty remark, you would still say “I don’t understand what you’re saying. What do you mean by different?” I believe you will find that they are embarrassed and give up.
Don’t feel guilty that you can’t feel love for them in a whole-hearted fashion. It’s almost impossible to feel love for those that you feel are attacking you. We are required spiritually to act with love, not force ourselves to feel a false emotion. Your husband, I’m certain, will see that you are doing your best.
This will be less on your mind once you feel empowered and not victimized. I guarantee that you will feel more joy in the holidays once you put this course into action.
4 thoughts on “Getting Along With Family”
to that rule is if the drive has been opened swhmoeere else, which is fair enough). They also sell all the software they use for recovery which was developed in house. And best of all (if you really need all the
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Tansy gave you some excellent tips……
BUT……what’s with your husband for allowing his family to treat you that way to begin with ?????????
If they do this to you in his presence then that doesn’t say much for him.
I would pull him aside, and tactfully let him know that it really upsets you and ask him to speak with HIS family on your behalf. ( and honestly, you really shouldn’t have to do this at all to begin with….I’m just saying….).
Yes, he wants you to ” get along ” with his family…..but at any cost to your dignity and feelings ?????
I, personally, would expect any man by my side to stand up for me, in a diplomatic and tactful way of course……
….he should pull them aside and request that they treat you with the same respect they give him…..afterall you are his wife. To disrespect you, is actually to disprespect his choice for a mate and wife also.
If I ever brought a man, be it a date, boyfriend, or husband to a family function and my family treated him like that I would immediately pull them aside and ask that they treat my guest/date , Bf, or husband with some respect…. as he is MY choice. To disrespect him, is to disrespect me as well.
And….. IF diplomacy did not work…I would tell my family that until they can act appropriately I would not be around them until they can.
I think your husband needs to step up and speak up, and not expect you suffer in silence whatever his family decides to dish out.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500