Do You Love an Addict?
Compulsive, addictive behavior seems to be on the rise. Whether it’s gambling, pornography, drugs, food, or texting, some people go to extremes. And then there are the people who love these people, who are actually addicts themselves. They’re addicted to the ups and down of their roller-coaster relationship. It’s a co-dependent relationship and a miserable life.
Call Psychic Quinn ext. 5484 for a detailed relationship reading. Click here to get started.
Can’t Stop Loving Them
Like the song, “Addicted to Love,” many of my callers cannot free themselves from their relationships with addicts. Call after call, I keep hearing, “I can’t leave,” “I can’t stop loving them,” and “I don’t know how to let go.” They try to separate the person from the addiction, loving them in spite of their behavior and hoping and praying they will be fixed one day.
The Source of Addiction
An addiction can come from a number of sources. Some people have a family history of addiction. For example, your lover may be an alcoholic because their parents or grandparents were. It’s hard to contend with a person who has an inherited addiction. That’s because their behavior seems normal to them. Growing up, everyone around them indulged and abused their drug of choice, and some relatives may continue to do so. So you’re not only fighting your lover’s addiction, you’re also fighting their family’s influence.
Some addicts were also addicts in past lives. This means there’s some unfinished business and it will continue to be unfinished until they break their karma. Again, if you are in love with someone who has been an addict lifetime after lifetime, it’s going to be rough for you. You are contending with lifetimes of abuse.
Other people developed their addictions because they spend time with addicts. We all know the person who took up smoking because all their friends or co-workers smoked. Perhaps they succumbed to peer pressure or felt left out because they were the only one in their circle who didn’t smoke. The same can be said for others who were hooked by friends, a pretty/handsome face or someone they admired. In order for them to break their addiction, they would have to walk away from these relationships. It would be pretty hard to maintain sobriety around these people.
Astrology and Addiction
Believe it or not, astrology can predict what struggles a person will have. An astrologer can look at the planets and their placement in the houses and tell you what to look out for. Many people have their children’s charts done for this very reason. If you want to avoid falling deeply in love with an addict, you may want to consider having a potential mate’s chart done before you are too emotionally invested.
Intervene Sooner Rather Than Later
If you are in love with someone who has an addiction problem, don’t wait to intervene. If you wait, they’ll get much worse and that may increase the chances that your relationship will never be repaired. You want to try to help them before they fall apart completely, and if you can’t, it could be easier for you to walk away sooner, rather than later.
I don’t want you to think that addicts can’t be helped and that you should just walk away from the relationship. But, I also don’t want you to feel stuck in a relationship with a sick, out-of-control partner. If you feel like you need someone to talk to, or if you want to know when things will get better for you, call me.
Psychic Quinn ext. 5484
33 thoughts on “Psychic Quinn: Advice for Those in Love With an Addict”
In response to “Deeleeahna”
I’ll bet any money that you can not fix your addiction, because you don’t even know what it is? It is trolling these sites looking to belittle others to hopefully make yourself feel superior! Addictions come in many other ways, not just drugs or alcohol?
I have been in a relationship with a drama addict for 6 yrs! 80% of the relationship is spent listening to her yell and scream at me about untrue comments, and I trying to reason with her about it. The reason she is like that is because that’s the kind of family relations she was raised in. Her Mother was constantly yelling, screaming and fighting with her father. I never had to deal with that kind of thing in my family! And we are not kids, I am 58 and she 54.
She became addicted to a way of life that she was raised in, and it was embedded in her that that’s the way a relationship is suppose to be!! “She’s an addict of bad upbringing”
No substance abuse involved at, just a mental teaching and not being able to forget or change her rearing.
All her siblings are afraid of the Mother, and they are afraid of their sister now also because they see their mother in her!
So I agree with a previous commenter, PLEASE learn a little more about situations before making nasty uncalled for comments.
Hello Quinn,
Great article on this subject! Addiction can come in many forms today. I’m glad you mentioned Astrology charts as well. Anything that can help someone understand themselves or someone else is a great thing!
hi – Bonnie,
I feel for you, first off you tell him what you are going to do, but never do it. he thinks you will never leave or tell him to get out.
unconditional love is what you are giving – why should he change? you are right there.
25 years is a long time. maybe it is time for you to move on… you are not happy with him, at least being with yourself you can find your core of happiness and someone new to be loved by and to love.
I have been in a marriage for 24 years he not really been here — he has worked an from work goes straight to the bar an then home — I told him many times that if this continues that I will not take it — Or I will NOT live like his mother an father are.
I want a real relationship where people get along doing things together not one out on his own an me sitting at home.
I want to take a nice vacation to somewhere like Jamaica or Mexico for our 25th anniversary but was told if I wanted to go somewhere like that I should plan to go there with my girl friends, how fair is this.
Is this a lasting relationship or am I on rocky grounds.
Thank you for responding Quinn…all the best!
hi – Christine –
thank you for sharing your story. you know how important it is to share in the recovery process.
agreeing disagreeing – we both want the best for family, friends and loved ones that are addicts and have addicts in their lives.
it is a road well traveled with many different levels –
some people recover and don’t change their ways. the term “dry drunk” comes to mind.
it is a process and those who go to meetings and celebrate their clean time have reason to celebrate.
thank goodness there are in and out patient programs/clinics and recovery centers.
the damage done to the family is a by product of the disease.
again thank you for sharing your story.
best,
-quinn
I just need to add that, addiction is a FAMILY disease and it affects everyone in that family, and the friends of the addict and family too. I found my peace, serenity, and my spiritual side in with the help of Alanon meetings. Truth be told, codependents become just as sick as the addict. Yes, anger and lashing out at others that point out addiction problems is part of the behavior.
I’m not totally disagreeing with you, Quinn, however, even if the addict leaves or we kick them out, we are still sick from the disease. We need help as much as the addict. Our behavior doesn’t change and the depression remains. I’ve known people to be in situations so dire and they didn’t know any way out. They even came to Alanon for a couple of years. They still felt hopeless, full of despair, and took their own lives.
It’s the codependent people that are involved with the addict that crave attention. We will do anything to get attention from anyone, whether it be good or bad. There are times when negative attention from strangers is still better than the attention, or lack there of, from the addict at home.
The addict may also be from a disease ridden household full of addicts and codependent personalities. This is how they were taught to act and behave, whether they are using at the time or not, because they were born into it.
Families with a history that spans generations of the disease are the worst. I was bred born and raised 4th generation into an abusive, alcoholic household. I was taught to be codependent from day one. Part of that isn’t just getting attention, it involves intense people pleasing, and staying silent when you really have something to say. Never upsetting the addict in any way andattempting to fix every single problem no matter if it’s your’s or not. Codependents ALWAYS taking care of everyone, and everything else before you take care of yourself, and your business.
hi LJ and Shelly.
your comments are helpful and that is what I hoped would happen in light of this topic being brought here. SOME HELP FOR THOSE IN NEED –
thank you for shedding light and love.
best,
-quinn
To the uneducated person Deeleeahna and her judgemental BS opinion in regards to addiction, if you had a clue before you open your mouth and made a fool of yourself you would know most actually 95% of people with addictions are in the closet which blows your attention craving bull out of the water pretty hard to crave attention about something you keep hidden. It’s people like yourself that make it so hard for people with the disease of addiction to ask for help by first off admitting to anyone let alone themselves they have a problem. Not to mention children of addicts wether it be drugs, gambling, or alcohol are born with the predisposed gene in their body to become an addict later in life. What your simpleminded comment basically says is people wake up one day and say hey I am going to destroy everything and everyone that I have or that i hold near to my heart today by becoming an addict that’s like saying homosexual people have a choice which is so far from being the truth that your comment is nothing more than you, a very uneducated empty shallow person who has very little knowledge about people let alone the disease of addiction. So I suggest next time you feel like making a snap judgement about something you know absolutley zero about you might want to get a little more information on the subject so you can avoid sounding like a complete uneducated moron.
hi – Deeleeahna –
although I am not going to “jump in the lake” 🙂 and I get where you are coming from I do not agree with everything you said.
addiction is a disease and much like other diseases there are no quick fixes (no pun intended).
you are right immaturity is part of the addiction. when a person starts to use a substance at let’s say 16 their mindset does not have the chance to grow.
however many who stop and work through the issues that brought them to the addiction in the first place do grow. it might be a slow growth or it might be a real awakening.
intelligence, station in life, career, having loved ones does not make getting clean easier or change the fact that addictions hurt everyone. society/humankind as a whole in fact.
not all addicts are stupid or lazy – the rich and the famous or infamous – the brilliant – the kindhearted – also are and continue to become addicts.
you are correct in saying that “have a new positive habit take over the bad habit”. as many addicts find this is the case and makes for big lifestyle changes. some that go to 12 step programs are addicted to the program. one thing for sure the 12 steps won’t kill ya.
peace and light to you –
-quinn
What an insightful and informative article on a subject that is often swept under the rug. I’m sure it helped a lot of people going through this and enlightened those who have never dealt with this subject. You’re amazing.
~LJ
hi – Maureen,
your story is very deep. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
thank you for reaching out – being able to do that helps to let some of the pressure out and look at the situation without the cloud over it.
I pray you find a solution and are able to move forward with renewed energy.
best,
-quinn
hi Gina Rose and Libby,
heavy topic I know, but one that has touched many in all walks of life.
not only does astrology show addictions, the tarot cards do as well. those swords are pretty to the point!
have a great week and thank you both for your comments.
Buddha Bless,
-quinn
People who have addictions are immature and want attention (either good or bad) Many addictions are by CHOICE …….FOR attention and people really need to GROW UP and accept and even LIKE some responsibility instead of “relaxing” “not working” not trying …….do some WORK and EARN and SAVE and STOP feeling so soory for addicts We have more than enough bleeding heart liberals in this world. I say to all “addicts”” get off of your duff and GET BUSY…and know that the majority of the population do NOT feel sorry for your lazy stupid behavior…….SHOCK EVERYONE and KICK THE ADDICTION HABIT AND GET UP AND DO SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE Make a HABIT out of THAT and make BEING A WHOLESOME UPBEAT RESPONSIBLE GOOD CITIZEN and just SAY NO to your “addictions” and STICK TO IT until the “addictions” are over-ruled by new GOOD-for-you habits that become addictions and anyone who disputes can go jump into the lake——-
hi – Tina
thank you for your wisdom and first hand knowledge.
as you know this time of year with holidays and all can be harder on the families and loved ones of addicts.
i am with you sending sympathy and prayers to all who are in this situation.
best,
-quinn
hi – Belinda
>>>>I was shocked to of seen about the addition. Because its true. I am married to someone who is addicted and the relationship is like being on a roller coaster. But seriously i can’t afford to call and have to pay for your advise. So like many others in my shoes I’ll have to continue to deal with it as best as I can.<<<<
there are free meetings for both the addicted and the family and loved ones of the addicted.
you can find online meetings. i know support is so important.
addicts do the same thing over and over expecting different results. that's not a positive lifestyle.
you can change your life by stepping outside the box and allowing a healing to take place.
please look for FREE SUPPORT GROUPS.
best,
-quinn
hi – Cynthia
>>>Dead on all the way. No money to hear more from you only. As a medium myself . I also get to the meat . . Great job.
I apologize for the mid spelling s , I’m working with a cracked screen.<<<
thank you for taking the time to comment, cracked screen and all.
best,
-quinn
hi – Randy
>>>>yes I am in love with an addict and it is very hard to deal with because he thinks it’s ok to hang out with them. I have tried to get him away from them. I finally said go just go. I need a life I need to get my life back I need to have friends not like u who has no one or nothing u Judy want to keep me for ur self. Well guess what he’s doing drugs again. I don’t talk much anymore don’t really want to. I don’t need the headache. I need to clear my mind and body from being toxic
<<<<<
clear mind detox wow… good for you. as frustrating as it can be and as hard as it is to make the break you have been successful. each day as you grow further away from the situation you will find so many things that are new and wonderful additions to your life.
glad you made it out.
best,
-quinn
Hi Quinn,
Very good article, I especially liked the part about astrology and addiction.
It is amazing to me just how accurate astrology can be when predicting addictions and addictive behavior.
Happy Samhain
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
hi – Heather,
boy oh boy what a handful we have here.
first I am sending you a big cyber HUG – I will also keep you in my daily prayers.
I know this is basic stuff that i am going to tell you yet it is important to know there is help out there. there are 12 step programs for everything. if you are an addict, in love with one – drugs, drink, smoke, sex, food, there are all kinds of online groups and in person groups. SUPPORT is one of the best tools for recovery not only for the addict but for the loved ones as well.
you say you don’t want to throw in the towel because you have been together for so many years… really!!! you are actually saying you rather live like you are than take the chance of being alone without someone to love just to avoid the void. what would you do without the drama in your life. well, find peace of mind, be happy, relax, not worry, do what you want, make new friends, reconnect with lost friends, take up a hobby, find a new love.
there is no reason to stay just because you have so many years invested. it is okay to move on, leave get out and be happy.
i want to be supportive of your decision to help yourself. i will also support your decision to stay in this relationship if you choose to. you can write me on this blog. i will check in once a month to see how you are. lets make a date on the 27th of each month to meet here.
you are not alone –
best,
-quinn
Blessing to You Quinn, for putting out this article, yes, you are so right in your statements, I only hope that this article brings some understanding to some that read it. love n light:)
hi – sheryl
>>>>how do you change when you can lead a horse to water but cant make them drink. if you try to hard to force an issue you may end up hurting your children who are not even old enough to figure out for sure what is going on. procrastination and patience is not always bad as time for evaluation is there and can be a good approach in lieu of just a quick break which can cause your life to fall into further turmoil. what do you think?<<<<
interestingly enough the one thing you can do is stop leading the horse to water. maybe if the desire or thirst was greater than the need for the substance change will occur.
most important part – take care of yourself and your children first. as long as you maintain your strength and keep a clear head you can deal with the ups and downs the addiction brings.
I know that what you are doing is right action taking place in your life. you have the issue in clear site and are addressing it with compassion.
keep loving, judgment free, and mindfully.
change is going to happen.
best,
-quinn
hi – sincere
love is the thing that holds your relationship together. props to you –
strong wise and full of love.
-quinn
I have been in a bad relationship with an alcolholic former drug addict with whom I have 2 young chidren. He has physically ,emotionally ,financially and verbally abused me for 15 yearsand stolen over 400,000 usd from me and took the equity out of the family home I bought in a heloc for himslef. He forged over $80,000 dollards from my personal ny bank account and a lot worse leaving me with nothing. He hired a lawyer 4 years agog and dragged me through mud in front ofmy children and destoyed them . They need counseling for PTSD since he brought them into court and traumatized them. He has me in debt for legal fees over 50,000 why I do not know. What can I do- he took every thing I had and now is trying to full custody of my children , they cry all the time, and he is trying to force my house to be sold after he took every penny of it behind my back and he forged my name on the loan docs and lied about what the money was for. he actually stole the money and used it for his own use. And they are covering it up and protecting him because he is an employee and they know they screwed up help
hello everyone,
I am so touched by your comments – I must say that the calls were abundant as well and I have been overwhelmed and humbled by the response to this article. talk about getting real!
I have read each and every comment. I am going to answer everyone.
please check back through the day and tomorrow to see what I have posted in response to each of you personally.
I will write to you all soon.
Blessings,
-quinn
how do you change when you can lead a horse to water but cant make them drink. if you try to hard to force an issue you may end up hurting your children who are not even old enough to figure out for sure what is going on. procrastination and patience is not always bad as time for evaluation is there and can be a good approach in lieu of just a quick break which can cause your life to fall into further turmoil. what do you think?
OH QUINN…PLZ ADVISE!!! Idk if u will get this email and even if you do, I am sooo sure that u get free loaders such as myself all of the time, but swear on a stack of bibles, I am a single mother (if u can even call it that theses days, my parental rights were just severed last week because of my husband and I’s addiction). Very LOOOONNNNGGGG story short….we have been to together 13 long years in which 8 of them we have been married, however we are meth addicts in and out of recovery…the longest sobriety we have seen is 6 years of that 13…and as u nailed it in ur above testimony….”I love him…” gag me with a sharp object….no but in all realness, I do believe that he is my soul mate no matter how sick we or the situation may seem….however, I have for once in my 39 years of life got down on my knees literally screaming, begging, pleading with the good man above for guidance, wisdom, strength….SOMETHING….CUZ U ARE SURE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING…this is VERY sick, unhealthy, co-dependent relationship….but…I can’t just walk away, to much time vested and to much we have both been through just to throw it the towel now….PPPPPPLLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEE HELP ME I AM BEGGING YOU WITH EVERY ONCE OF A HUMAN BEING THAT I HAVE LEFT, WHAT THE HELL (EXCUSE MY MOUTH) DO I DO FOR MOTHER FING REAL, I AM BEYOND LOST/CONFUSED ANGRY, LONLELY, ANY NEGATIVE EMOTION I COULD PROBABLY PUT IN RIGHT ABOUT NOW, but, I will spare you the drama as well as ur time, but plz find it in your heart to answer me truthfully and whole heartedly, cuz god Is not talking back to me or popping any helpful paths of life, I just lost my mother in January due to her addiction and I frankly have really no one to advise or guide me in the right direction anymore, please will u advise, I have nothing to offer/give u at this point of my life other than good karma from my mother above since u would b giving me some much needed guidance! You would get good karma from my mother up above that is for sure….FOR REAL…WHAT DO I NEED TO DO? WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN FOR MY LIFE TO GO BACK TO SOMEWHAT OF A NORMAL STATE?
LOST IN MY OWN ADDICTION,
Heather Llewellyn
yes I am in love with an addict and it is very hard to deal with because he thinks it’s ok to hang out with them. I have tried to get him away from them. I finally said go just go. I need a life I need to get my life back I need to have friends not like u who has no one or nothing u Judy want to keep me for ur self. Well guess what he’s doing drugs again. I don’t talk much anymore don’t really want to. I don’t need the headache. I need to clear my mind and body from being toxic
Dead on all the way. No money to hear more from you only. As a medium myself . I also get to the meat . . Great job.
I apologize for the mid spelling s , I’m working with a cracked screen.
I was shocked to of seen about the addition. Because its true. I am married to someone who is addicted and the relationship is like being on a roller coaster. But seriously i can’t afford to call and have to pay for your advise. So like many others in my shoes I’ll have to continue to deal with it as best as I can.
Thank you Quinn…I just have to say this… I have been in a tumultuous relationship with a marijuana addict (surprise…he is addicted!) for 13 years. He is always in a drugged out stupor and extremely lazy. He finds ways to get money for it (not through me!), even though he doesn’t work, help or contribute. When he doesn’t have it, he is verbally and mentally abusive with a personality disorder. He has put me in a lot of debt by living off me for 11 years. I want him to get out of my house, but it’s very difficult. He refuses to leave, because he has nowhere else to go. I have had him evicted 3 times. He always finds a way to swindle himself back in through my door. I was also married to an alcoholic and my brother has a bad drug problem too (pills). All three have put me through hell and back! Addicts have absolutely NO regard for other people. They will hound you relentlessly for money (even if you don’t have it!). They will lie about everything, steal, disrespect you tremendously and blame you for all their inadequacies and take everything out on you which is NOT your fault! They will literally ruin your quality of life (along with their own and everyone else’s), as they travel at full speed through this downward spiral. It is a very destructive pattern, that gets worse and worse…let alone the loss of jobs, marriages, relationships with family, etc. I am just a straight, normal person who is sick and tired of being Mother Theresa and The Red Cross! I sympathize with all that have been through this.
I Love My Addict to the Moon and Back!