The Second Time Around

From Sam and Diane to Ross and Rachel, audiences love to root for a couple to get back together. But while it’s pretty darn romantic on TV, reuniting with an ex in real life can be quiet a challenge. Here are three important questions to ask yourself before you go for love the second time around.

Why do we want to be together?
If you’re thinking about reconciling with your ex, you owe it to yourself to be honest about why you want to get back together. Reconnecting with an ex can be as natural as slipping on an old comfy shoe. But just because something was once a good fit doesn’t mean it always will be.

After a breakup, there’s a period of time when nostalgia and loneliness may cloud your judgment. Consider if you really want to be with your ex — or if you just miss the comfort of being in love. Being on your own will be difficult at first, but eventually you may discover that being single has its benefits, too.

You should also remind yourself why the relationship ended in the first place. If the problems of the past have not changed, are you just setting yourself up for heartbreak again?

How will we deal with the past?
Many people reconnect with former flames because they hope to relive a magical moment from the past. But if you all you’re doing is trying to recreate memories, your relationship will simply be about two people who are essentially living in the past.

It’s just as tricky when your shared history contained a few bumps in the road. If you’re still angry about issues from your previous time together, you’ll never truly be reunited.

Before you commit to a new relationship together, take an honest, thoughtful evaluation of your history together. Take an honest look at what worked and what didn’t and discuss what you want to do differently this time around.

If forgiveness is necessary to move forward, decide if you can give it and then do your best to let it go. Whatever you do, don’t bring up past problems in present-day conflicts.

Is there a future for us?
“Starting over” is just that: beginning a new relationship all over again. While it’s important to cherish fond memories — and be aware of past problems — you can’t expect the past to sustain the present relationship.

Consider the good and the bad of the past and decide whether a second go-around will really be any different. Does the relationship have room to grow – or is it just a temporary way to put off the pain of breaking up?

Even though there’s a tendency to view reconciliation in terms of the past, it’s important to move your perspective toward the future. Ask yourself and your partner whether the relationship has a real chance for sustaining itself in the future. If it doesn’t, it’s probably best to say goodbye now for good, rather than putting yourself through pain and heartbreak all over again.