Who’s Playing It and Why
There is a short and a long answer to this question. Short answer: “Almost everyone is playing it. Because it is easier than looking at yourself in the mirror.”
“Blame.” The mere word suggests that something shady is going on. This word hardly ever has a positive ring to it, because it usually implies trying to “pin” fault on another. Most of us learn how to do it when we are little by watching our parents and peers and a whole lot of us never learn how to actually be accountable or take responsibility for our own actions. After all, that would mean we’d have to look at our own stuff, and god forbid, do some work.
Human beings generally resist change, and most downright despise having to work for anything that doesn’t hail instant reward or gratification. We live in a society that teaches us that we should have a sense of entitlement and that looking the other way is not only acceptable, but makes life easier. We don’t like getting involved, not with others, and sure as hell not with ourselves. We do a lot of blaming, denying, avoiding and “existing.” We do a lot of sleepwalking, and we’d rather engage in the status quo than question the system.
We do this year after year and we live mediocre, miserable lives, which we blame on our surroundings, circumstances, upbringing or on our lack of (beauty, wealth, health, etc.). We may be highly intelligent, but when it comes to our emotions, we don’t do the math. We find ourselves time after time in the same “bad” situations and somehow never add up that it might be us. Humans are the only intelligent creatures who do not learn from their mistakes.
When we blame we imply that we are right. Being right is the number one reason we fight, because ego keeps us alive. We also imply that we don’t need to adjust our own attitude. We do this by making the same points, with the same people with the same lack of success. We truly are the best example of insanity. When we run out of excuses, we fall into the victim mode and assemble; in other words, we find those who will agree with us. We keep building an opinion poll until we have successfully drowned out any logic or reason and hence, continue on our path of craziness.
Why is it so easy to do this? Because one of the most feared traits within human beings is conflict or confrontation. Hence, it is much easier to find those who (silently) agree, than those who call us on our own crap. And of course, because the majority consists of (excuse the harsh word) cowards, it is easier to get the buy-in from the majority.
Take a good look around you and tell me how many inspiring people you see? Now take a look and tell me how many followers you see. We are, by design, herd animals and we function better when we feel validated by the herd. One could even say that we are highly evolved lemmings.
We are so easily manipulated via our emotions that we follow all kinds of crazy ideas, ideologies, statements and people. This is how religion and politics work. They appeal to our emotions, not our logic, and the fact remains that most of us are emotional creatures, even if we are totally unaware of it! If I tell you the things that feed and validate your fears, paranoia and insecurities, I will not only have an impact on you, but possibly a follower, too. It appears as if inspiring people have the most followers, but sadly, it only appears that way. The ones who tell us what we want to hear and ask us for the least amount of effort will generally get our voice and devotion. In theory we want to be challenged, in practice we want to really not move a finger and have things fall into our laps.
I have spent over 20 years studying different philosophies, religions, psychology, psychiatry and scientific papers to figure out human behavior. Alas, I still come up short-handed. I still don’t know how you can put two kids into an equally miserable environment and one comes out a sociopath, while the other one ends up a doctor, helping people. I don’t understand why some have an uncanny self-awareness that allows them to rise above all their hardships, while others fall apart at every little thing. I have yet to find a single philosophy, religion or science that helps me understand the total irrational behaviors of people.
The blame game. I guess sometimes we all play it, and maybe the best we can do is stay clear of those who live it every single day.
6 thoughts on “The Blame Game”
Excellent and fearless! I, too, am on the path to get out of my ego’s way.
Thanks.
Yes, I know how to describe what is going through the mind of someone who is deeply in denial. I know how they think, the excuses they use and the head chatter they are caught up in. I know this well, because I was caught in that part of ego (the victim/martyr) part of a while.
I recognize people so clearly for who they really are, because chances are, I know at least some of their path, and the reasoning attached to it.
People are not mysterious; quite on the contrary, they are very predictable in their endeavor to choose the path of least resistance and remain caught in their lower self.
Hello Carmen,
Totally love this article very intense, I think many of us act on emotion instead of our logical side, this is something that I have seen throughout the years, this is truly the down site of being human, I have been taught to just listen, think it through before opening your mouth, remember once it comes out of your mouth it could take years to take back those words, to make immense from an emotional reaction, the greatest test of mankind is to just not say nothing at all.
When reading the last section you mentioned about the two separate kids growing up in the same environment but turning out totally opposite, I have recently been taught that when we leave this planet then return into a different body, the fragments from this life becomes imbedded into our soul, so when our soul comes back it then combines with new fragments of the new life, but the more prominent of who the core being is, will come through creating a whole new being.
Blessings and Big Hugs!
Jacqueline x9472
This was wonderful, thanks, Carmen.
I truly believe effective communication is always important in order to not blame anyone-
We have all been rejected, whether we like it or not. It’s just part of life.
I so agree that we must look at the part we play-but sometimes, we just don’t “clique”– and can we really blame anything on that? One of the hardest things I have ever had to come to terms with, about myself, was if someone just did not like me-It’s not always the answer, but a lot of times, it boils down to someone just not liking us. Universe doesn’t want us to force things-That I know. And if we do, we end up having regrets.
So, I learned to let this type of stuff go-Even if there was not any tact involved on the other side. Be grateful for the people who do like you, focus on that, and that energy will help us not focus on the people that did not work out for us. I promise that if a person really takes this advice, eventually, they will get to the point that they can go ahead and give themself closure instead of blame. Thanks. Miss Krystal
I saw the ‘title’ to this post and knew it was written by You, Carmen!! I love all your articles; however this is your Best one so far!! Probably because I too used to play the blame game right along with others around me. We ‘fueled’ each other’s excuses! As I was reading each ‘characteristic’ I was going yep, yep and thought of the next one just before reading it here!! You hit every single point I could think of with such accurate description along with the explanations that we give ourselves!
Looking in the mirror was my first step in seeing the ‘truth’ about my own actions and then taking responsibility for those actions. Including how I ‘allowed’ some people to treat me. You are also totally correct when you stated most feared traits within human beings IS ‘conflict or confrontation’. It sure was for me!! It has taken me several years to finally standing up for myself, hence causing some ‘conflict and confrontation’. However it was essential to my taking responsibility for my own life and how I would be treated, as well as respected, from now on. Which as also lead me to ‘stay clear’ of those people who DO live it every single day… and there are oh so many aren’t there?!!
Now when I feel I’m losing my balance with that and getting too angry, starting to ‘blame’ again… I literally look in the Mirror… and STOP!!
Carmen you are so Awesome!! You help so many with your authentic writing from the Heart!! Thank you from All of Us!!!
Hugh Hug and Many Blessings,
Coreen @ VOS
HI Carmen,
Excellent article……souls come together to help each other learn and grow……. daily life challenges
help us to do just that.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500