A New Look at Love

The beginning of a new year or cycle are often tinged with hope and desire for a new start in love, whether with a new relationship or by giving fresh consideration of an established partnership. What can you do to start afresh in your love life? Try this assessment for insight into where you are and where you are headed in relationships.

Your patterns
Start by making a list of your important romantic partners from the very beginning and even perhaps serious crushes. Briefly jot down how these relationships ended and the reason for the break. Ask yourself: What was the initial attraction? What was the primary conflict in each relationship? What was most frustrating about your prior partners? What did they say they found most difficult about you?

At this point, it should be clear what your patterns are, for better or worse. Since you are the only constant in this list, what is the continuous thread through these relationships? If you’re lucky in love, then your pattern is positive. You learn all you can and move on when the relationship no longer serves your development.

If, instead, you see a negative pattern, it usually hides a larger, older, unresolved emotional issue. If it’s a fear of abandonment, it can be disguised by an aggressive pushing away of partners. A fear of losing your self-esteem can be hidden within terrible jealousy. A masked self-loathing can unerringly choose unavailable, emotionally distant and disparaging partners, and so on…

Identify it
Look for and name your pattern – this will make it far easier to recognize and to react to before damage is done. (If there’s a reoccurring pattern that seems completely out of your control, it’s always wise to consider getting professional help through psychotherapy and/or a psychic counselor.)

Once you’ve identified your pattern, then turn it around. If you’re always choosing unavailable partners, how do you ignore and reject yourself? If you’re jealous, do you value yourself? How could you begin to heal yourself by treating yourself as you want a lover to treat you? If you commit to treating yourself with kindness, you can form a healing relationship within yourself. This healing will magnetically draw different people and different, healthier relationships to you.

Set your intention
Once you’ve achieved some clarity about your patterns and set down a method for self-healing, it’s time to set your intention for your next relationship (or to introduce a new energy into your current one).

Write down what you want on a little piece of paper – try to keep it concise. For example, “I want a deeply passionate and quietly compassionate love.” Then, using a fire-safe container set your scrap of paper on fire and watch it burn away, knowing that you’ve released your intention into the universe. After that, you simply have to have faith that the universe will bring it to you as long as you stay committed to your intention.

This may not conjure someone instantly, but if you’ve done your emotional homework and your healing, it’s amazing how quickly the love you intended knocks on your door! Good luck.