Get Out of Your Head

Our sensuality should be the most natural thing in the world, but too often we let our heads get in the way. Sex is physical. It’s emotional. Sometimes it’s even spiritual. But what it should not be – is intellectual. Lock those doubts out of your mind and out of your bedroom! Here are a few tips to think about now, so you won’t be thinking so much later.

Embrace sexuality
You don’t have to try to be sexy – you are! Be confident that sex is deeply rooted in your biology, that it’s natural, healthy and a lot of fun. Every time you step out of your body to watch or judge yourself, you miss out on the real experience. Sex isn’t supposed to look a certain way. It’s actually pretty ridiculous-looking, when you think about it, and not exactly what you’d call graceful. The beauty is in the experience. And trust that to your partner, everything you do is sexy and beautiful. Don’t censor yourself. The more you embrace your sexuality, the more you and your partner will enjoy it.

Eliminate distractions
Our minds are prone to wander – when we’re in the car, watching television and yes, even when we’re engaged in a coital embrace. When you’re being intimate, do your best to leave those wayward worries outside. Make a point of making a distraction-free environment. Turn off the television. Turn on some music. Take care of pressing concerns first, so they won’t lay waiting in the back of your mind. And if your mind is still restless, give it a place to go. Let it roam free in fantasies as your body revels in the reality.

Lose sight of the goal
Lose the performance anxiety; it’s not a performance. Men who obsess over their technique fail to impress, and there’s nothing that kills the mood faster than fixating on the female orgasm. It’s not a destination; it’s a journey, and one that will go unappreciated if your thoughts are in the future or on your partner’s expectations. Forget the pressure, and don’t force a hasty conclusion. Once in a while, agree to forgo intercourse and focus on the joy of the touch. It’s an effective strategy for relieving the pressures most couples place on sex, and a delectable exercise in intimacy besides. When you’re free of expectation (both yours and your partner’s) you may be surprised at what you discover together.

Love being naked
Sex is deeply connected to your self-image. If you think you look unattractive, or you think your partner is critiquing your body, you’re getting in your own way. Your partner wants to be naked with you. Your partner wants to see you naked. They probably find you much more attractive than you find yourself. Trust that. Even fleeting self-criticisms can keep us from fully experiencing our sensuality. If your negative self-image is more deeply rooted, do something about it.

People who begin a new exercise regime report better sex immediately, not because their bodies changed, but because they feel stronger and sexier. Look at yourself in the mirror, and allow yourself to see yourself as your partner does. So often we look at our reflections and see only what is different from what we want to see. Think about the people who find you more attractive as you are than how you think you should look, and practice liking what you see. It’s not enough to turn off the lights. You need to enjoy your body while you’re sharing it with someone you care about. When you do, you’ll be happier, healthier and sexier.