Dear Red,
My fiancé and I broke up about seven months ago because he had a few sexual encounters with his ex-wife. He claimed (when he started dating me four years ago), that he couldn’t stand her and that she was a little crazy.
I am not a stupid person and I have heard similar “ex” comments from other suitors in the past. So the story seemed well worn until I heard from people who knew him personally that she was in fact “crazy.”
We got back together a few months after I found out about the affair. At first he was nonchalant about the affair and then he acted like it never happened. I have been working on my skills at forgiveness since I really did love him.
My question to you is this: is this a one time slip for him or am I really a fool to believe he had a temporary lapse in judgment and he would not make this same error again? I am a middle-aged women and I need to make this final decision soon.
Lee in Knoxville
Dear Lee,
Even though your ex-fiancé’s ex-wife does seem to be a tad bit whacked, I’m sitting here questioning your ex-fiancé’s stability. He comes through as a nice enough guy… but, a bit “quirky.” If you’re okay with that, by all means, proceed with caution.
I don’t see this man having yet another interlude with his ex, but I do want to encourage you to take your time with deciding the fate of your future. What I’m saying is, this man is by no means your last chance for happiness and stability. So if you want him to be a part of your life, make sure it is for the right reasons.
Forgive him for his stupidity, but do so with the knowledge that he knew exactly what he was doing and what he was getting into at the time. And, if you can forgive him, be prepared to just “let it go”. Your man isn’t real big into atonement, so save yourself some disappointment by not expecting it. Sometimes you just have to accept people for who they are and dismiss the concept of how you think they should be.
Best of luck to you!
Brightest Blessings,
Red
Ext. 9226
