Restock Your Bag of Tricks

Has sex with your lover become a little bit stale? Have you gone from waking him up in the middle of the night to agreeing to have sex only because there’s nothing to watch on TV?

The truth is, sex doesn’t have to get worse over time. As an established couple you have the advantage of having trust, which makes it easier to try something new. To keep things fresh, all you need is dedication and effort. The problem is that sometimes, finding ideas to help keep things stimulating and interesting can feel more like a chore than something to look forward to. This is especially true if you factor in long work hours or other life stresses. So, here are a handful of novel tricks to try. (Incidentally, you can also use these if you simply want to re-establish contact with your own waning sensuality.)

You, Talk Pretty
What you say matters as much as how you act. Research shows that the quality of a couple’s friendship plays a role in the bedroom. “Kindness and helpfulness may not sound like particularly sexy qualities, but turns out – they are,” says Gretchen Rubin, author of Power Money Fame Sex: A User’s Guide and the The Happiness Project www.happiness-project.com/.

So therefore it’s important not to kill the buzz between you. Listen to your lover and remember that you can say anything as long as your delivery is kind and considerate. To help you out, here are some phrases that you should really try to avoid, says Rubin, especially if you’re going for a light, playful, romantic mood in your relationship:

“Don’t start.”
“I don’t want to talk about that $&@*! again.”
“Haven’t we already had this conversation?”
“Never mind, (sigh,) it’s not important.”
“You always do that.”
“You’re over-reacting.”

And, as far as sex goes, consider asking your partner the following questions:

What do you want?
Where do you want it?
How do you want it?

Hoop It
If you want to loosen up or get in touch with your sensuality, hula hooping is an excellent way, suggests Christabel Zamor founder of www.HoopGirl.com and author of the soon-to-be-published HoopGasm which explores using hula hooping as a way to connect with sensuality and sexiness. “As your pelvis gyrates, it opens up your hips and warms your sensual places. And it helps you connect with your second chakra,” says Zamor. All of this builds self-confidence, radiance and strength … qualities, which count in the bedroom! As you deepen your hooping practice, you can also benefit from the actual strengthening of your pelvic muscles by experiencing increased sexual stamina and more profound orgasmic release.

Eat Your Way into the Bedroom
Treat your beloved to a feast of aphrodisiacs in bed. Anyone care for Oysters? Many foods can actually help boost your sex life by giving you energy, improving the look, feel and texture of your skin, and inducing feelings of well-being. Go for the goods that are high in zinc, fats and cholesterol because they are needed to produce sex hormones as well as the hormones we need to stay balanced and stress free, explains “Naughty Nutritionist” Kaayla Daniel, who is the author of the soon-to-be-published book “Naughty Nutrition: 69 Ways to Feed Your Libido and Fuel Your Lust for Life!”

Here are the top ten foods that feed your libido:

Caviar and fish roe
Oysters
Eggs (chicken, duck, goose)
Truffles
Lobster, crab, shrimp
Beef and lamb
Butter and cream
Cod Liver Oil
Avocado
Chocolate

The Power of the Word
Get you lover to write out three of his secret fantasies. Also, write three of your own. Put them in a jar. Take turns picking from one whenever you need a little bit of adventure.

Or, consider writing a letter to your love *detailing everything* you want him to do to you. Write another one describing what you want to do to him. Have the letters delivered via courier to him at work.

Oral Sex can also be very liberating — why not curl up in bed together and read some books about sex outloud, suggests Mary Jo Fay, author of Please Dear, Not Tonight: The Truth About Women and Sex … What They Want, What They’re Not Getting, and Why. Talking sex puts you in the mood, helps you dispel myths and allows him to learn a thing or two about sex. For instance, how many men know that only 30 percent of women can climax through intercourse alone?

Play Games
Silly wabbit, tricks aren’t only for kids! And neither are games. They’re an excellent way to initiate dialogue and get the juices flowing in a fun and creative way.

Try these:

Perform a strip tease for your love. Wear sexy lingerie with lots of ties and lace, have erotic music playing and use red light bulbs (professional stripers use these because they make your skin look flawless). Sit him in a chair and tie his hands so he can’t touch you.

Invite the public in, but don’t let them know, by wearing a remote-controlled vibrating panty, suggest sexperts Sheila Rae and Patricia Lee of www.erosboutique.com, a high-end retailer offering adult novelties. Slip the panty on underneath your clothes, go to a party and give the controls to your partner. He can activate it whenever he sees fit; when you seem bored, relaxed, or enthralled in conversation. Bzzzz! You’ll be revved to go and he’ll be pleased.

Play games such as the Card Game For Lovers by www.pureromance.com. The 54 cards offer gives you the chance to discover more about yourself, your lover, and the intimate relationship you share. For instance, one card reads, “sit up facing each other and share a sexual fantasy with your lover. Be willing to have it come true. 5 minutes playtime.”

Another game for couples is A Hot Affair. It leads you into fantasies, as opposed to creating them. So it’s perfect for anyone new to the idea of using outside elements to spice up intimate moments.