An Unconventional Threesome

Mindy’s Question:

I’ve been friends with my husband’s best friend for a long time. I love both men very much. He’s interested in men, but I sense he could also be attracted to me. My intuition tells me he loves me more than just a friend. Am I right to trust my intuition? I just get the feeling from comments he makes, looks he gives me, and the body language he uses. My husband knows that I love him. He says he understands why I love them both. He’s kind of turned on by the thought of the three of us together. I am, too. I don’t have concrete proof that our friend feels the same way. I really do love them both. I have known him for a very long time. The more I know him, the more I love him. Am I correct in thinking my friend is attracted to me and possibly loves me more than a friend?

Liam ext. 9290’s Response:

Greetings, Mindy, and thank you for such a fascinating question. You’re quite correct. I do believe your husband’s friend does have a bit of a fascination with you. However, I’d like to clarify some points right away so there are no misconceptions muddying the waters of this interesting sensual drama. It seems your husband’s friend finds himself in a delicious and confusing set of circumstances. And for him to act out in a effort to explore them would be highly problematic for him for various reasons. He is gay. One who, like anyone else, can develop infatuations or glamours with members of either gender depending on the chemistry involved.

For the most part his attractions are, and always will be, focused on men. But in our fluid existence, anomalies and mutations do occur, and you’re a source of much curiosity for him. He doesn’t love you in any conventional romantic sense. He wants to have sex with you. Please don’t confuse the two. He also wants to have sex with your husband. Truth be told, he fantasizes about having sex with your husband far more often than he fantasizes about having sex with you.

When I look at him in the situation, he seems to me to be attracted to you on an archetypal level… not unlike the admiration of a goddess or heroine. Though mainstream media often pokes fun at the so-called gay affinity with such delightful creatures as Bernadette Peters and Liza Minnelli… There is actually a very potent internal dynamic in many gay men that recognizes, and even worships, certain well-defined and very expressive forms of female power. You have something of that well-defined, very expressive power. You’re pretty, cute, and talented with a touch of both the diva and the train wreck about you. Adding you to his fantasies and being with your husband just evolved naturally for him over time.

So yes, he does consider it. You all do. The sexual tension between the three of you is scorching. It may not be the ménage à trois scenario most often encountered, but it might work. And why not add new dimensions to your already mutual friendly admiration by taking things to the next level? You’re all consenting adults and three in bed is much warmer than two.

Just remember, these little adventures are way more emotionally complex than people like to admit. Everyone involved has to be respectful and casual and open. If the situation gets too deep for any one of you, then the entire triad has to end, no questions asked. Your friend is more taken with your husband than he is with you and if you do decide to go in for a threesome, you have to be prepared to have the two of them engage with one another in a way that may exclude you. This isn’t a two straight guys and a straight girl sandwich with you as the delighted filling. In other words, you’re going to have to share the joy and play nice. These things never go as simply or easily in reality as they do in fantasy, but you can try to fool yourselves with ground rules as a token address to future confusion if you like. It will make you feel better and give you some logical, linear cushion to recline on while you’re having the time of your life with two men at once.

If you do decide to approach your friend, do it with elegance and grace. Invite him to an intimate soiree, just the three of you. Cook him a sumptuous feast of juicy meats, exotic fruits, and red wine. Let the music and conversation flow freely. And then, when the mood feels right, bring up some erotic stories you’ve read about threesomes to start the discussion. Talk about all sorts of scenarios and then admit that you have wondered what it might be like… Your friend won’t be the least bit offended. He may very well admit his own curiosities in this area, but be prepared for tons and tons of reservations. After all, you and your husband are a team. Emotionally he’s the outsider, with so much more to lose. I feel it could be a wonderful experience for all of you, but don’t expect it to become a permanent state of affairs. Treat it like some luxurious desert only to be savored and relished now and again. And don’t be surprised if you find other threesome scenarios developing with other people. This could change a lot of things, so proceed carefully and enjoy.

Liam

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