Alibis, Excuses, Secrets and Lies!

Have you ever had a feeling that the story you are hearing from a friend or partner just doesn’t ring true? Have you doubted yourself to appease the pleas of a lover who insists that your misgivings are just plain crazy only to find out later you were absolutely right?

Here are three ways to tell if the story you’re hearing really holds up.

Lying ways
When you ask for specifics, what do you hear? Men and women lie with different styles. Men keep it short and simple,”I was out with the guys.” Women, typically, will over-think the lie, providing details that are not necessary,”I was out with my girlfriends and we all drank too much so I decided to sleep on my friend’s couch. I didn’t want to call because I knew you would be asleep. I had a great time dancing, but I missed you.” They over-talk to avoid interrogation, and it usually works.

The test:
Ask about the “story” a few days later and see if any of the details have changed. If your lover suddenly draws a blank on basic things such as where they went and who they were with that night, you probably have a liar.

Just who is this alibi?
Does it seem like every three weeks or so your partner has to go out with one specific friend? Perhaps it’s an old college buddy or a new best friend. This person isn’t typically invited to family gatherings or other events, but every other Thursday, there is some emotional issue or situation which calls for your partner to grab the keys and get out of the house. Cheaters always need an alibi and often ‘agreements’ will be made. It’s the old “you cover for me, I’ll cover for you” arrangement. Sound foolproof? Read on.

The test:
Have an emergency of your own. Don’t let your lover out the door without getting a phone number where they can be reached in case of an emergency. And then, have one.

Call the suspected about an hour after they should have arrived at their supposed destination. Then you insist, any way you can, that they return home, immediately. The dishwasher has exploded, the kid is sick, the dog has run away – whatever you have to say. Then, time them. If they are supposedly down the street watching the game, why does it take them an hour to get home? If they are an hour away, how did they make it home in ten minutes.

Listen to your instincts
You fell in love because you have a special connection with this person. The connection doesn’t just fall away because one person is lying. It feels “broken” when one person pulls away. The connection is real and so are your feelings of betrayal.

It’s awful when you suspect your partner of lying and even worse when you believe the lie protects infidelity. Our instincts are a gift from the universe, allowing vision into things unseen. If you have the gut wrenching feelings and the evidence, it’s time to find your own friend to confide in.