Marrying for Love or Money?

Whether to marry for love or money – it’s a nasty little question that gets asked all the time. No matter what camp you’re in – “camp amour” or “camp Cartier” – both choices have their benefits and drawbacks.

Marriage itself is a quirky business. There’s no sure path to guarantee happy results. Sometimes those who marry for money end up in love. Sometimes those who marry for love end up broken-hearted swearing never to love again! If you’re really on the fence, below are some practical matters to consider:

History
Before we turn a frowning eye on the gold diggers (those who marry for the big bucks), consider the facts. Marriage remains an institution that maintains the social, economic and political order. The difference is that now we associate marriage with love. In the past, a good marriage brought about greater prosperity and wealth to all parties concerned – love wasn’t an important part of the equation. Powerful families forged ties via the marriages of their children and whole cities, states and countries grew up around these unions. So marrying for wealth and advancement has historic roots, and does not necessarily result in failed marriages. But neither does it result in happy ones.

Today
As social mores have changed and there are more individual freedoms, marrying for love has become the norm. Still, many people still take money matters to heart when considering whether someone is attractive as a life partner. The bank account need not be overflowing, but it’s certainly reassuring when the potential for future gain (an adequate level of education and a promising skill set) is present in a partner – especially if a house, children and family vacations are part of your big picture. For most, however, money or the potential for it are only a small part of the larger picture, which also includes numerous personality traits and that magic ingredient called love (and sex!).

Love or nothing
For romantics, the thought of being in a loveless marriage or in a marriage based on material gain has zero appeal. Their values dictate that they could never be happy in such a union. It may or may not be a moral issue, but either way, a marriage without romantic love is an untenable situation. Why? Romantics just can’t be completely happy unless they are in love. Sure, they may be fine alone, but they’d probably spend their alone time getting ready for true love to arrive. And many times it does!

A loving union
The benefits of being in a love-based marriage are numerous and include mutual respect, deep intimacy, a sense of fulfillment that comes from being loved in return, the satisfaction of teamwork, quality time together, the joy of a “love child” or two – the kind of stuff that money just can’t buy. Yet love doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage, because marriage requires more than just love. It requires attention, compassion and patience – things that not everyone is capable of giving, no matter how “in love” they are. This is why many argue that marrying for money could be a wiser choice. If you marry for money and it doesn’t work out, you’ll be left with a cash prize, whereas if you marry for love, you could end up broken-hearted – with or without money. But isn’t it better to have loved and lost? Most romantics would say yes!

Marrying for money
It’s possible that if you marry for money, you’ll find great happiness. But more often than not, it’s a trade-off. Only you know if you have what it takes to deal with the consequences. Here are some things to watch out for:

If there is no love, making the relationship last could turn out to be more grueling than expected. Because marriage is no easy endeavor, the love you have for the other person is what will help you face the challenges of married life. Without that love and respect, it will be difficult to find the fortitude to make it over the hurdles that inevitably present themselves. This may be why many marriages based on money, fall apart more quickly than those based on love.

You’ll have to live and in most cases be intimate with the person you’ve married. As time passes, you’ll become aware of personality traits in your partner that may be surprisingly challenging to deal with. If you don’t like it, you’ll have to find ways to deal with your discontent while still making the marriage work.

If you are very attractive and have set yourself up as a trophy husband or wife, you put yourself at risk in a loveless marriage to be treated as an object or prize, rather than as a person, and this may become tiring and damaging to your self-esteem later in the marriage.

In addition, if you marry solely for money, your partner is likely to discover your motives at some point, no matter how well you mask them. Without love to bolster your relationship, respect breaks down and all kinds of abuses and betrayals (such as infidelity) can follow that will make the marriage difficult to maintain.

So whether you’re the hardcore romantic who says love or nothing, or the straight-up gold digger who wants the glamour and luxury that wealth brings, there are pitfalls to both. In choosing between love and money, it really depends on what your values are. Either way, be wise to what you are getting yourself into. Consider the factors. And if you can’t follow your heart, you better be able to follow your wits.

Of course, the best-case scenario is if you create your own wealth and hold out for true love! Then you’ll have both and the fairy tales will be right… you can live happily ever after.