I’ve been seeing a man for the last six months. His wife was killed in a tragic car accident about 18 months ago. When I bought a new home last May, he offered to help me do some things around here. We started a relationship, which grew from being friends to a more intimate one. After that he pulled away and said he felt guilty, like he was cheating. I’ve tried to understand, and when we go out now, he still reminds me how long she’s been dead. I don’t make any comments, because I try to be supportive of his feelings. The only thing I have said to him is that she is a very lucky woman to have a man love her so much. We get along great, and enjoy a lot of the same things, but it’s all “friends” now. What kind of path would you suggest that I take?
Signed: Competing With A Ghost
Dear Competing,
Sorry to hear it – sounds tricky… The path I’d take is to date other people and just be his friend, as that’s clearly all he’s ready for. It seems he hasn’t mourned her enough or completed letting her go to make room in his heart and life for someone else. Never convince a man of anything – he’s either not ready or he’s not “feeling it” for you. Please don’t wait around – it could be a longggggggg wait. Be his friend if you want to, but I’d consider it over until he says otherwise and move on. You’ve got nothing to lose, and it’s no fun playing second fiddle to a ghost.
Good luck to you,
Carol
Recently I’ve been reading a lot about the Law of Attraction. I’ve also been extremely curious, and at times even obsessed with astrology (Western, although due to listening to you on Karma Air I’ve been dabbling in Vedic astrology) since I was a little kid. I’ve heard you say on your radio talk show that you knew you were going to meet your husband because of your knowledge of Vedic astrology. I’m a strong believer in both the Law of Attraction and astrology even though they seem to contradict each other. Was it that you were more open to the idea (even visualizing) of meeting your future husband such as the Law of Attraction suggests, or is it that astrologically these things are bound to happen?
Signed: Celestially Seeking
Dear Celestially,
Your question is as old as time, my dear – are we governed by our fate or our free will? Here’s what I think as both a professional (Vedic) astrologer who helps people understand their “destiny” and as a coach who helps people take more positive action in their lives – in some things our possibilities are pretty “fixed.” If you want to be a professional Sumo wrestler, for example, and you’re skinny no matter how much you eat, you’ll never be a Sumo wrestler no matter how strongly and often you visualize it. However, you could certainly be another kind of athlete. Astrology shows the destiny or range of possibilities we are working within – a spectrum with a high and low end of potential success. I believe that positive thinking and the use of the Law of Attraction can help us get to the high end of that spectrum, allowing things to go as well as they can possibly go. But I think many topics such as our inborn nature, what we have natural talents and affinities for (which we can choose to strengthen with our free will), and who we best get along with and ultimately marry and when is pretty set in stone and can’t be changed. But it’s our job to be the best we can to make it all go as well as possible. So basically, I think astrology and the Law of Attraction go hand in hand, and both work.
I hope that helps,
Carol
