I would like to learn how to get my fiancé to open up to me more. We are very close to each other and spend much time with each other, but it’s always me that does all of the talking. Please help me figure out a great way to get him to talk to me more! Thank you.
Signed,
Marrying a Mute
Dear Marrying,
My dear, that question is as old as the ages – women have been trying to get their men to talk ever since humans could talk! I hate to use a sweeping generalization, because many men are chatty – but there’s a reason it’s called being a “chatty Cathy.” Women have much more of their brains dedicated to speech and communication than men do, and we use almost three times the number of words and sounds to express ourselves in a day. So, by the end of the day, when most couples get together, the man is out of words! The best way to get anyone to open up is to ask questions about things he’s excited about, and to make him feel like he can share his thoughts and feelings with you without you ever getting upset. Men dream of finding the woman who he can tell everything to without her taking things personally or wanting to change him. Unfortunately – you do want to change him! You want him to be more like you. Men, make that people, are “as is” items, kinda like fruit. You can’t turn an apple into a strawberry. If you’re not getting enough verbal attention from him, decide if you can live without that before you marry him, and let him go if you can’t.
Good luck!
Carol
My boyfriend of two years is going away for work for the next year. He’s a musician and songwriter and he needs to take this time to make his dreams come true, and things are looking very positive. He’ll be on the road quite a bit, and unable to receive mail or have me visit much. We’re really happy and in love. How can we keep the romance alive while he’s away? How can I make him want to come back to me here, or have me go out to him there when this year is up?
Signed,
Long Distance Longing
Dear Long-Distance,
Yikes – a year is a long time. Sorry to hear that! Many couples face this challenge due to job changes, pursuing their education, family illness, etc. I’d have a serious conversation with him about your expectations and desires. This is the time to ask the tough questions – like, does he see a future with you? Or are you “waiting” for a man you’ll never have, anyway? If he leaves with no formal commitment you’re gambling with your time, and after two years that’s not such a great idea (most couples are engaged by eighteen months). Also, the lack of knowing will likely bring out your insecurities when you’re apart, and cause you to not be able to stay as supportive and connected to him as you’d like. So, find out where you’re headed as a couple, and then come up with a plan together that will make you both happy. Surely he has some kind of itinerary and you can meet up with him or mail him things, even though he’s on the road. (I’m married to an actor and former musician, and they usually book dates ahead of time. And tour bus bunks are very cozy…). If he gives you the answers you like, then be sure to stay busy in the coming year with friends and things that fulfill you so you’re as happy as possible without him. If he doesn’t, you may want to date others while he’s away, and find out if what you have can stand the separation and test of time. If it does you’ll know you really have something special, and what it takes to go the distance.
Best wishes,
Carol
