I’m seeing a man who doesn’t have inner joy and happiness. Although we’ve had some fun times, his glass is half empty with a crack in it and mine is full and overflowing. Is it possible for him to set his happiness level higher? I want a happy guy! A truly happy guy.
Signed,
Sorry He’s Sad
Dear Sorry,
Sounds like you’re doing the old, “opposites attract” routine with this one – he’s drawn to your light, and believe it or not – you may be drawn to his darkness. According to the latest “happiness research” anyone can improve their joy in life. But just as with anything, you can lead this puppy to water, but you can’t make him drink. If you want a truly happy guy, you need to commit to that and give this guy a “happiness ultimatum.” (And you’re smart to think that way – emotions are contagious, so to keep that abundance of joy you currently exude you need to have a support system of like-minded others.) He may not realize what a downer he is. A little “truth talk” from you may snap him around to a more positive point of view. Give it a time limit, and see if he wants this for himself. If it’s just for you, it will only be a “quick fix” and the duct tape on that “half empty” glass of his will soon come off. The world is full of all kinds of men – if he can’t get happy, go find one that already is.
Good luck!
Carol
I’ve come to the conclusion that I am completely clueless when it comes to men and I’ve finally surrendered to that. I was wondering if maybe you could explain how a woman is supposed to know when to just trust a guy when he says he cares and when to know when he’s just stringing you along until he finds someone else? Obviously I have some trust issues. Help!
Signed,
Dating But Doubting
Dear Dating,
Aw, my dear – you’re not completely clueless! Admitting you don’t know what you don’t know tells me you have a big clue. There are plenty of good men in the world, and many who’ve been hurt by dishonest women – so be careful of a “man hating” bias you may have! To tell if you can trust a man here’s what you do: Learn how to screen them before getting too close. How to do that? By asking questions most women don’t want to ask… Things like how he lives his life, and how he carries on his relationships. Does he love his family? Does he get along with people at work? Why is he still single? (What happened in his past relationships?) Does he sound philosophical about those people that are or have been challenging for him, or is he a whiner? Does he take responsibility or is everything everyone else’s fault? Then see how he shows up for you. Does he keep his word – impeccably? You know – calls when he says, shows up on time, is always kind to you and everyone else… If any of these things are not happening or are only working for you sometimes, then his words are hollow and they’re falling out of both sides of his mouth and you shouldn’t trust him. But if all of the above is a big, flashing “green light” – if his actions match his words all the time over time – then assume he is innocent and a good guy and go for it!
Regards,
Carol
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