I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for about three and a half years. It’s been the craziest I’ve ever been in. He broke off our commitment several times last year and I’ve tried to say goodbye several times this year. He went out of town on my birthday weekend with another woman, but says they didn’t do anything sexually. He said she was helping him heal some physical and emotional pain. I find that hard to believe! Is he worth another chance or should I dump him?
Signed,
On The Crazy Ride
Dear Crazy Ride,
It all depends on what you want. If you want more “on/off” drama, then by all means keep going. If you want a real relationship with someone who can be a full partner, then keep in mind the saying, “The best predictor of the future is the past.” Three and a half years is an awfully long time to ride a roller-coaster. Fun, recreational relationships should last as long as they’re fun, and be over as soon as the pain starts. So, it’s up to you, but if you want the kind of guy who will take you out of town on vacation for your birthday and not be so wounded and broken that he’s only thinking of himself no matter the occasion, I’d be done with this one.
Good luck!
Carol
I dated a man three years ago. All was great until he hit his mid-life crisis. We always had fun and have become friends again. He’s been acting like he wants to date me again, but doesn’t ask me out. He even made a point of introducing me to his parents and then gave me unsolicited feedback about how complimentary they were. I finally asked if he wanted to date me again. He said no – been there, done that. I said fine and went about my business being friendly but detached. He’s been following me around the gym like a puppy ever since. I don’t get it. Is he a hopeless commitment phobic?
Signed,
Can’t Figure Him Out
Dear Can’t,
Good for you for asking the tough question – finally! So many women never do and just keep waiting, waiting, waiting for the guy to make the move they assume he wants to make, only to find he never does. Here’s the thing – who cares what his problem is? He told you what you needed to know, and that’s really all you need to know. It sounds like you’re good friends, and that’s all he wants now. Stop trying to figure him out, and start figuring yourself out – what do you want, and what do you need to do to get it? He’s “been there, done that” and isn’t going to come around (ouch!). I’m glad that he was honest with you. Appreciate him for the friend that he is, and quit thinking about the past you had and the future you wish you’d have – he’s not interested. But the world is full of men who would be, so go get busy sorting through them. It will be a lot more fun and fruitful than waiting for nothing.
All the Best!
Carol
