Don’t Assume They’re It

Their smile makes your heart flutter. The scent of their hair sends tingles through your spine. Friends and family take note of your new lease on life, and your boss and co-workers are curious as to why they can’t get under your skin. Every waking moment is filled with anticipation of the moment you see each other again. Could it be? Are they “the one?”

Looking … everywhere!
Many people spend much of their time searching for love, and more importantly, their “soulmate.” This personal mission can become all-consuming, and often leads people astray. Just because she smiled at you, or he gave you a playful wink, doesn’t mean the search is over, nor does this interaction guarantee a date.

You know you don’t want to be alone, and you know that you have lots of love to share. However, if you think “the one” is lurking around every corner, you are setting yourself up for heartache and despair. When loneliness, or the soulmate mission, starts getting the best of you, you are more likely to overlook incompatibilities that have a tendency to turn even the most picturesque fairytale into a living nightmare.

Time for love
There are times when you meet someone, and it feels like you’ve known them all of your life. Chemistry can be instant, love at first sight does exist. The connection is powerful and immediate, but deciding too quickly that this is “the one” can lead straight into entanglement trouble weeks or months down the road.

The most fatal dating mistake is timing. You may have just met your soulmate, in which case, he or she isn’t likely to disappear. But, if this connection is one of pheromones and fantasy, time will eventually show you the error in your ways. Taking things slow is the intelligent way to go. Love can come quickly, and fade just as fast – but true love is nurtured and strengthened by time.

Fact or fantasy?
He opens doors, knows just what to say and even does his own laundry. You have yet to see him ruffled, and when you talk – his eyes meet yours, and you know you have his full attention. She laughs at your jokes, is a sports fanatic and is the reason that little black dress looks good. She doesn’t care how much money you make, lets you have time to yourself and hasn’t mentioned the boyfriends that came before. Are they the one, or is this all just too good to be true?

Sometimes, the search for your beloved causes a little deception in the initial relationship stages. People tend to be on their best behavior, presenting what they believe the other person wants or expects of them. It is only through time and interaction that guards are dropped and whole truths can come out. Often times, it is only after you decide you have found what you are looking for that you allow yourself – and your partner – to be real.

Forever test…

Ask yourself these questions to make sure what you see is what you get in love.

1) Are you truly attracted to this person for who they are, or are you simply flattered by the attention?

2) Have you known this person long enough to honestly say that you truly know who they are?

3) Are you comfortable enough with this person to proudly bring them into your circle of family and friends? Do they proudly bring you into theirs?

4) Does this person honestly make you happy, or is it just what they represent?

5) Can you see yourself still loving and being with this person after decades of time and the harshness of life has bruised and battered their existence?

6) Is this person truly the only one that you think of being with, or do you still find yourself thinking of past loves and encounters or daydreaming of new ones?

True blue
You just know when you’ve found the one. It is a sensation, a feeling that has to be experienced to truly be understood. That person will love and support you just as much as you love and support them. They will let you make mistakes, love you for them, and even agree to disagree. Your ultimate beloved may be far from perfect, but they will be perfect for you. Finding them may not be easy, but few things worthwhile come fast and free. Keep this in mind when choosing your mate: You can settle for whomever is willing, or hold out for the one who is actually worthy. That is the person who will make you the happiest!