Oh, inhibition. Whether it’s fear that we don’t look good, perform well or sound the way we’re “supposed to” in bed, everyone has felt insecure at one time or another, sexually speaking. And we all know, inhibition affects the act.
When we’re not feeling sexy (or skilled) with a lover, we hold back, shy away or get embarrassed rather than abandoning ourselves to pleasure. The results can be alienating to your mate and land you both in a self-fulfilling prophecy of mutual dissatisfaction. It kind of defeats the purpose, right?
The good news is, if your amour seems nervous or insecure in the sack (and even if they don’t), there is a simple way to unleash their inner animal (and help alleviate their concerns). Mix a few well-placed “intimate” compliments into your romantic repertoire and soon they’ll be feeling like a sexy beast… a sensation that will benefit you both!
If you’re at a loss for what to say and when to say it, or simply looking to spice up seduction, take note of these opportune moments for praise.
When sex isn’t an option
Sure, compliments are easy to give when you’re getting down and dirty. But what about when there’s just not time and your lover is (at least partially) naked. If she runs around before work in the morning in a bra and skirt or he wraps a towel around his waist climbing out of the shower, it’s a perfect time to admire your lover’s (ah-hum) body. Anything you notice or like is worth mentioning and since the moment isn’t about sex, they won’t question your motivations. They’ll just feel good – and remember it later! You may not see immediate action, but the effort will pay off later, in spades.
Lookin’ good
If your guy’s been working out, or your girl’s taken the time to wear lingerie, they’ve given you a license to notice… and pay homage. In most cases, while they may be partially self-motivated, they want to please you – to know that you find them sexy and appreciate the effort. So tell them!
This goes beyond the bedroom, too. Men love to hear that they’re masculine (“I like the beard.” or “Those jeans make your ass look great!”). While women want to know you think they’re great to look at (“That really shows off your figure.” or “You look so sexy with your hair up.”). If something is different (and it turns you on) or even if it’s the same as always (but still gets you every time), don’t miss your chance to boost your lover’s self-confidence. They’ll be more likely to put in the effort again – and in other ways! Remember, one of the best ways to keep something spicy is to inject sex (or sexual thoughts) into your everyday lives!
During a makeout session
So you’re headed into the homestretch, but you’re not quite there yet. Take this chance to tell your lover how much you like the way they kiss, or that when they breathe in your ear it turns you on. Pause before turning it up a notch just to look at them or smell their neck and whisper that they drive you crazy. Extended attention in the heat of things builds anticipation and physically drives home that your compliments are heartfelt. Otherwise, why would you be putting in the effort in the first place?
In the act
There’s never a better time to tell your lover that they’re hot, skilled or on to something than when you’re doing it. Tell them you love the way they look, move, taste, feel, smell – anything, really – and it’s reinforced by the fact that you’re in the process of demonstrating it. Likewise, if they’re doing an extra good job at something (say, south of the border), make it known with your words, sounds and caresses. And, if your partners words, sounds or movements indicate that they’re seriously enjoying something, acknowledge it in kind. This will assure them that their pleasure is pleasing you, too.
In the afterglow
If sex was terrific, it’s always worth letting your lover know. Whether it’s acknowledging what worked in detail or offering a simple “wow, that was amazing,” positive reinforcement is the best way to reproduce the same results. This goes double if you’ve tried something new or particularly risqué (and enjoyed it). Sharing your pleasure is the perfect way to bond – and boost your lover’s confidence in their performance – and your relationship.
In the end, any time you want to pay a compliment, it works. As long as they’re sincere, compliments are reassuring and encourage us all to let loose and experience our wilder sides!
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