Let’s face it. When it comes to sex – when, how, with whom, how often – everyone has an opinion. So whomever you turn to for advice, you’ll definitely be able to find it! The question is, will their rules be right for you?
The cold, hard truth (for those who want an easy answer) is that there are few – if any – steadfast standbys that apply to sex across the board, for all people in all situations. We all make our own decisions. With that in mind, here are five standard sex rules – to debunk!
1. Tell the whole truth
While the idea of laying all your cards on the table is great in theory, there are, indeed, times when you don’t need to give away your whole hand. Sex is one of them. That’s right, while most New Age wisdom dictates that you share every last detail of your history with your partner in the spirit of being open and authentic, sometimes the truth just creates problems. That’s not to say you should lie to someone you value, but not everything needs to be spilled right off the bat – or ever.
Early on in a relationship, there’s something to be said for a little mystery. It takes time for people to get to know each other intimately, and there’s no need to rush that process. That said, even once you’re well into a partnership, you don’t have to tell your mate the absolute truth about how many people you’ve slept with, who your best lover was, or your real opinion about their recent weight loss or gain. Some little details do nothing but create insecurities and that’s the last thing you want to do in the bedroom. For the best results, you should do everything in your power to make your mate feel like the sexiest thing on the planet. If it involves a little sugar coating, or the leaving out of a few irrelevant details, so be it.
2. Third date hook-up
There are all sorts of schools of thought about when it’s okay to do the deed. Third date, five weeks in, not until you’re married etc. They’re all nonsense. People have based successful, satisfying and long-lasting partnerships on relationships that started as one night stands! Still others waited to have sex until getting married and managed to make that work, too. It’s up to you when you do it, not some silly set of rules!
One thing, however, is for certain in this arena. You have to be comfortable with it when it happens. Pressure from your partner or any set of rules is no reason to put yourself in an, um, compromising position… or to abstain from one if you want to be in it! If you jump the gun and find yourself pulled in too fast by having sex, you can always pull back. There’s no rule that says once you start doing it, you can’t stop. Seriously.
3. Good enough sex
Yes, kissing, touching, licking, sucking… all foreplay is part of a sexual relationship. But the sex itself needs to be satisfying too! A healthy sex life does not consist of simply one or two elements that work well. Instead, it’s a smorgasbord of choices for you and your lover to mix and match. So if you tell yourself you’re okay with the fact that your lover doesn’t want to (fill in the blank), because you love the way they do something else, stop for a second and have a reality check. A happy, satisfying sexual relationship is one in which each partner wants to satisfy the other. Leaving any of the basics off the table is like forgetting one of the four food groups.
4. No fantasies allowed
While the tried and true wisdom says it’s unhealthy to think about anyone other than your partner while you’re getting it on, the fact is that what you think about while you have sex is up to you. If you find your mind drifting away from the situation at hand to other… different pastures, so be it! There is no rule saying you can only think about your partner all the time. A little bit of fantasy goes a long way!
5. Stick to a schedule
Okay, so some people are really busy. Most of us are. And scheduling time to be intimate is a reality of modern life. But the idea that you have to do it even when you don’t want to? Nonsense! Taking a break from regular sex can be just what you need to heat things up again. Don’t force it. Give yourself the chance to miss it a little!
As you can see, by not following any of the steadfast rules of the game, you can have a fantastic sex life… now go do it!
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