Red Responds: He Told Her It Wasn’t Going to Work

Linda from Fort Mill writes:

I was seeing a guy named Chuck (who is an Aries) for almost a month, and everything was perfect between us. He took me out on my birthday, January 6th (I’m Capricorn) and made a date for us to get together at his place over the weekend. I asked what day, and he said whenever I liked. I chose Saturday. He e-mailed me Friday evening, and said even though I was trying hard to make it work, it wasn’t going to because of his issues. He said that I did nothing wrong. He has told me he needs a stem cell implant for his heart. What is really the problem with us? I think he fell for me hard. We had four dates the first week we met. I am a widow of one year, and it is going on the second year.

Chuck had expressed he was a little worried about this. I had a nice birthday, and he had our picture taken together that night with my camera, when I was just going to take one of him. Please tell me if I will see him soon, and if he still needs time to sort things out. I still see him on the dating site where we met, so I ‘m hoping he hasn’t gotten serious with anyone else. I am hoping he still cares for me. He said he did the night of my birthday. Please advise me if he will be back, and how soon. Thank you for your time!

Dear Linda,

Even though it may seem as if things started out well between you and Chuck, things were actually moving a bit too quickly. He likes you, and he does enjoy your company — but things were just getting way too intense for him.

This man does have quite a few personal issues that he feels he needs to have more in order before he can fully enter into a relationship. When he broke up with you, he was trying to be kind and let you down easy, but he was also being honest. There are issues in his life that he would like to have more under control before he embraces a more serious relationship.

Chuck hasn’t gotten serious with anyone else, but he is still active on the dating site, and actively dating. While he didn’t lie, he ultimately would like to be in a relationship, he isn’t quite ready to be in one at this moment. Through his eyes, it seemed as if you had already decided that he was ‘the one,’ and believed you to be behaving as if the two of you were already more formally involved. This totally freaked him out, so he stepped back to avoid things getting even more complicated. At the core of it all, he just isn’t ready for the same things you are.

I do see that the two of you will reconnect through email, but not until sometime in June. I know you really like him, but I have to caution you to take things slow — or he is likely to back away from you again.

In the meantime, it would be wise of you to keep active and enjoy meeting and dating other men. While there is potential for a relationship to evolve with Chuck over the summer, this possibility largely revolves around how you play your cards. He may not be into playing games when it comes to romance, but he does enjoy strong women, and is excited by the thrill of the chase.

Red