We had a very wise comment roll into our Why Married Women Don’t Leave post that I thought would be valuable food-for-thought! We would love to hear your feedback on this argument …
Tasia writes:
Obviously this is just my opinion, however it is the opinion of a woman who has lived seeing both sides of this unfortunate behavior. The bottom line is, I think be it a man or woman there is obviously an emptiness, a void if you will, that leaves that individual needful. Be it lack of physical contact or emotional, it is human nature to seek to find and fill those voids. As sad as it may seem, many of us have never been taught in our lives to find self fulfillment … therefore we continue to look for it in others.
I don’t believe there is ever an excuse for having an affair … if you feel your partner needs to change ask yourself what it is within yourself that can not accept that individual for whom they are. Another thing we as individuals never want to do is look at ourselves to see if it’s possible part of the problem lies within. Aren’t we told to accept people for who they are? Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t condole verbal or physical abuse of any kind. That should never be tolerated, however from experience it does not justify an affair either.
Maybe it’s time we all take a step back and simply ask ourselves that one old question when confronted with this opportunity (if that is what you want to call it). How would I feel if the person I love or whom I’m involved with did this to me? For those who have been in those shoes, did it make you feel more empowered by displaying the same behavior? Did it improve your situation? My experience is no, not in the least. I thought my world was already turned upside down, yet I had no idea what upside down could really be until engaging in an affair.
19 thoughts on “Cheating is Never the Answer”
I can relate to these stories very well. I was married to a man, whom I thought loved me. But somehow, could not get rid of his baby mommy. He would try to go back and forth. So I gave him a chose. Her or me. Anyhow, I do not believe in cheating. That causes a person to have low esteem or feel unworthy.
is that what is bottering you..you feel like im cheating….why you dont leave it up to GOD and me….my marriage was a bad one..it is not the reason i want to get marry again….someday you find the secret to my life …..i been saying about meeting one-one first..so we can know what we feel..but that doent work …i am lnot leaving my married becaus he is dying and he know it..because he told me ( i been a good wife to him ) i said many times i willing to take me time with this..i keep telling you he is dying..he could die anyday..i will never leave him in that condition….a relationship is healthier..and mentally…but he hasnt much to live…if you feel you dont want to go in a relationship..with me ..then do what you want to do..i know what my relationship is like a roller coaster..how seduce him..when we dont talk …dont see to look at each other..i like to go to a hotel ..or go out to dinner..make we are young again..but as far as cheating..i trust you. brcause you told me..and i will honor your word…
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i agree nothing justifies cheating. its the ultimate sin in a relationship. & please people don’t let the cheater get away with it, the more they get away with it the more they’ll do it. i can’t see how someone thats been cheated on can ever trust that person again anyway, leave em & don’t look back. if you love that person i know its hard but they’ll do it again if you let em. & remember this, its nothing you did or didn’t do so don’t let them make you feel like its your fault theres no such thing. have some love for yourself & get that person out of your life
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What do you think of a husband that has been tect messaging another woman behind my back for a whole yr,. I did not knpow this woman he met her while he was doing security at a night club, I had not idea, unitl my phone bill was quite high and I checked and it had been going on for 12 months,
Thanks
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Maybe a married woman refuses to leave because she believes in commitment. Maybe she stays from fear. I was married and I lost my marriage and really don’t know why. I wonder, did he cheat? I never really “caught” him. Or was he just unhappy because of my short comings? Or was it just him? I have watched many men and women cheat. And to me the answer is simply they cheat because they can… It is so funny to me that a woman will think nothing of flirting with a married man in order to boost her own ego, some women even set out to destroy a marriage because the grass is greener, believeing they are the exception…that he won’t cheat on them, never once thinking about how they would feel wearing the other woman’s shoes. I grew up being taught to always, always “turn the light inward” any time I had an issue, so it is very easy for me to always find fault with myself. But I think the greater question is why is it that when we see someone doing something that is against the basic principles of life, as we know them, do we simply turn our heads and say oh well? To me, in our effort to “accept each other as we are” we accept the cheater as our friend, the mistress as our friend and in essence how are they different from the man who breaks into our home and steals from us? Peer pressure and acceptance. The two things that make the most difference. We all hold them and yet what do we do with them that makes life better for each other?
Cheating is never okay. By doing so you are saying the person does not mean anything to you. Cheating hurts ddep down and is hard to forgive and forget. Personaly I would rather be hit, the pain is there and gone. Its over with. (not that I would ever want to be hit just using as an axample) Some cheat just for the excitement hoping not to get caught, sneaking around, etc. If your bored with your partner spice iy up. Dress up go out, get a hotel room for the night, make out in the car, seduce him or her at work or in a public restroom. Your relationship is what you make it. Have fun.
Hi Tasia,
Great article…..very controversial, hot button topic……
I DO try to empower an individual to first leave an unhappy marriage first,BEFORE, they jump into another relationship right away.
I don’t pass moral judgment on any of my clients, it is not my place to judge, but rather to help,….
…and… I read for those on both sides of the fence…..
….but having read for clients that therapists send to me…..I feel that leaving a marriage first , before starting ANY relationship is the healthier, mentally & emotionally speaking, way to go.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500