Red Responds: Financially Unstable and Worlds Apart

May from Kuwait writes:

I met a guy over a dating site and we’ve been talking for more than a year, but we’ve never actually met. He is nice and we chat every day. He calls every now and then, he says he loves me and would want me to be his wife. The problem is that, I don’t think he is financially stable and we are worlds apart. I’m a nurse in the Middle East while he is in the U.S. Is he for real and if so, should I wait and believe in his promise? Thank you for your advice.

Dear May,

You and this man definitely do have a strong connection, and he does have some very real feelings for you. If you were to be accepting, he probably would marry you, but this doesn’t look like it would be a very wise arrangement. The problem is, for all the chatting and conversations, neither one of you really knows exactly what you are getting into.

You are correct about his financial situation. He seems to be struggling a bit now, but will be more financially solvent in roughly three years. Because you have also developed some feelings and an attachment to him, there really is no true reason for you not to continue your communications with him, but I would strongly advise you not to put your life on hold for him. Even though he is sweet and says a lot of the right things, he isn’t spending all his time home alone chatting with you. While there is no true wife or girlfriend presenting around him, he is in contact with a couple of other women.

Enjoy what you have with him, but with the understanding that you really don’t know him. While each of you may fill a void in the other’s life, there is a lot of romantic fantasy that surrounds this relationship. I don’t think you would be quite as taken with him if you were actually spending time with him face-to-face.

At best, I don’t see the two of you meeting for at least another year, and that is if you go to see him. If you wait for him to come to you, it’s going to be even longer. It’s not a true lack of desire on his part, more of a lack of money, and the fact he is actually rather content with things as they are.

Red