Should I Date a Widower?

Maricela in Los Angeles writes:

I have been involved with a man who was married up to a few months ago, when his wife passed away in an accident. We have always had a very strong connection with each other since day one. Its nearing four years, and my heart and soul have always told me we will be together eventually. At the moment he is enjoying his new freedom. Although it hurts to see him go out, he continues to come back to me and share his daughter and family with me. I truly love this man. Will we be together, or am I kidding myself?

Dear Maricela,

Your lover has been through a lot, and you’ve been there for him pretty much every step of the way. Even though it can be painful to watch him going out, he will continue coming back to you.

While it may appear as if he is enjoying his freedom, he is still adjusting to the loss of his wife. You, even though he cares deeply for you, are a reminder of his past. In some ways, you are his strongest support, and in other ways, the largest reminder of his guilt. Have patience, and try to understand that while he may appear as if he is coping with everything, there is still a great deal of turmoil within him, under a seemingly strong exterior.

Things for you are going to be challenging. There are plenty of moments ahead when you will question his actions and your place in his life. While he will still keep coming to you and sharing his family with you, it is going to be a couple of years before he is ready to settle down or commit. Brace yourself for the moments when you feel used, abused, and taken for granted. Hurting you is not in his agenda, but it will be a direct consequence to his actions and choices. It looks as if next spring will be exceptionally emotionally difficult for you, and you will feel the need to distance yourself from him, if only for a few weeks.

Sometimes things just have to play out, even when it seems as if the path is clear. For you, it is. For him, it’s not. But when he has worked through his issues and is ready to settle down, it will be you he turns to. The future promises a solid relationship with this man. As long as you can find happiness and contentment just being his partner, marriage is a possibility. Because you and your man are both on a changing and healing path, talking about marriage is all I currently see, but as time progresses, that will become more clear. As of this moment, whether or not the two of you will marry is something I can speculate upon, but can’t give you a clear yes or no with any level of certainty.

Brightest Blessings,
Red