Love With a Deadline

Whether you read this before or after Valentine’s Day, I hope it will be or was a good day for you. For many people, it seems that Valentine’s Day defines where they hope a romantic relationship to be. Love for them has a deadline!

I’m writing this, of course, before Valentine’s Day. Even without a calendar, I knew that it’s looming ahead. As the page turned to February 1, callers wanted to know if their current relationships would deepen or if lost loves would return in time for celebration on that special day.

I want to tell you, though, that February 14 has a lot to answer for, in my opinion! That day bears a lot of responsibility for life decisions that are made. The pressure that comes with its advent weighs heavily on many, as they use the day to gauge how far they’ve progressed in their love lives. It marks their “success” in their relationships.

One lady who called me yesterday wondered about reconnecting with a man that she had almost married last year. He had been calling her and wanted her to give the relationship another try. They had parted previously not in a storm of anger but because each could not seem to compromise on certain issues with the other. He wanted her to make up her mind because Valentine’s Day was approaching and it seemed like an applicable deadline to him.

She just didn’t know if she wanted to resuscitate the relationship. The issues where they had been in conflict still existed without a plan for resolution. What still did exist was the emotional attraction on each side, that strong feeling and hope for the future.

A gentleman called another night and said that his girlfriend had broken up with him due to lack of trust, and he wanted to somehow show her that he was trustworthy. He said that he could prove this to her and thought she should be able to make a decision—by Valentine’s Day.

Yes, I know that we ladies tend to be more stereotypically “romantic” than men and, therefore, I was somewhat surprised that the two men were giving this time-line for a decision. But I know also that this was a persuasive tactic, as women do enjoy so much the romantic celebration with flowers, candlelight and so on.

To set as a deadline February 14 for the resolution of emotional matters that have been simmering for some time strikes me as not only unrealistic, but self-defeating. It is an influential method for persuading another in the romance, but it still doesn’t address what originally derailed the relationship. Other callers have been hopeful that a new romance would kindle by that time, as well, but while they were hopeful with anticipation they did not seem to feel the pressure that the others did.

My advice for both was basically the same. Ignore February 14 as a date by which major decisions for the future were made. Blank out this date on the calendar and ignore those commercials on the television that hype the purchase (and receipt) of diamonds on that one day! Don’t look at those ads that shout how appropriate and seductive a dozen roses can be! When taking steps in life into consideration, view 2/14/11 as just another day.

I hope that Valentine’s Day of the year 2011 will be or was a great one for all of you. Go to a party, go out to eat, send your mother flowers and tell her how much you love her. Buy a box of your favorite candy and eat it all yourself. If you’re in a nice relationship, celebrate that and feel how fortunate you are to have this other person in your life. But don’t, please, make Valentine’s Day the arbitrary date as a deadline. Where lasting love exists, there is no deadline. It will occur naturally as it is meant to occur.