Sex Q&A: How to End an Affair

Rosalyn asks:

How do you break off a five year affair with a married man?

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, Rosalyn. I find your question embedded with tragedy, and, I fear, that if there were an easy answer to it, we’d have solved it many a dilemma ago. Unfortunately, the human heart is anything but simple. There are enough people out there, all brimming with moral judgments, who would be only too happy to give you advice on this sort of subject. I prefer to look at things through the neutral lens of natural drive and leave the pulpit posturing to others. The natural fact of the situation is that you are caught in the coils of a biochemical mating cycle. When a relationship is conceived, built, and nurtured on the very primal level of such a cycle, the drive to follow its urges actually fades a lot faster than people realize. This is the reason most extremely passionate affairs only last for very short periods of time.

The biggest issue I see when I look at your case is your addiction to the sense of “naughtiness” sleeping with a married man affords. Like most ladies born under the sign of the Fish, you have a need to appear as the quintessential “good girl” on the surface while being very wicked and sensual underneath. Indeed, if this man hadn’t been a socially unacceptable choice, I have to wonder what your level of attraction would ever have been. Also, I sense an ugly taint of ego-validation for you in landing this fellow. If he were to leave his situation to come to you, then you could imagine yourself a powerful lover indeed, even if you don’t actually want him. So now, if after all this time it seems the whole business has somehow dissolved into uncertainty and chaos… It has! But, no matter. Very likely we will never know all the deep, dark reasons why our bodies and hearts long for that one special soul. Or why it is that once-desperate longing simply disappears. But most surely, we can come to understand why we insist on holding on to something long after the holding should be over.

I advise you to look closely at your own motivations and consider why you might be trying to extend this love beyond its natural stretch. Start understanding why you went into the relationship to begin with and you may find yourself letting go of it quite naturally all on your own. The good news is that though the love you created with this man might very well be illusionary, it’s an illusion you are very capable of recreating with another, more suitable, choice.

Liam

Do you have a question for Liam? Ask Liam your question now.