It’s Me, Not You—And Other Lame Excuses

There’s a Wrong Way and Right Way to Break Up With Someone

It’s never easy to break up with someone. One of the worst lines in the world is the good old “it’s not you, it’s me…” BS line. Um, no, it actually is you, because if you were the one, I wouldn’t dump your butt right now.

The issue is that sometimes people get into relationships they should have never gotten into from the start; reasons often include “I was lonely” or “It made sense at the time.” Sometimes we change who we are/were when we met the person, and other times we may fall out of love, to name a couple reasons. The truth is that it usually takes two to break a relationship; unless you’re a jerk (and no, I’m not going into detail here regarding what constitutes a relationship jerk).

At the end of the day, the worst thing one can do is to keep dragging it out, because you’re too afraid to say how you feel. Most people would rather not deal with any confrontation anyway, and then there’s the fine line between being honest and being cruel. However, if you got into the relationship, you should have the decency to get out of it, instead of being inconsiderate and selfish enough to waste another person’s time and break their heart.

So how does a person break up with integrity? Well, the first step is absolute honesty. This can include explaining that maybe you are at a weird cross-road in life where you need to figure out what your path is. When we communicate with honesty and an open heart, even the worst messages are at least heard. Telling someone where you truly are at in life and explaining to your partner that this really doesn’t have enough to do with them (this is where it truly is you, not them) will generally deliver the message gently enough to do the least amount of damage.

What people are not open to is BS. Telling someone that it isn’t them but you, when you can’t even explain yourself correctly will only deliver one message, namely that you are rejecting them for something they did or for something they are lacking. This will also often backfire and launch the dumpee into trying to “fix it,” or into “chase” mode. They are thinking that they did something, which they also think means they can do something to fix it. The heartbreak is going to be worse once they realize that you’ve cowardly abandoned them and lied to them on top of it all.

I broke up with two of my long-term boyfriends. I did so by sitting them down and truly opening my heart, sharing what space I was in and why I couldn’t continue my path with them. I delivered my message with raw honesty and clearly showed how much I cared for and respected them. I didn’t take their dignity, nor did I insult them or blame them for anything that was going on with me. As a result, I’m great friends with them to this day. There was and still is no animosity, anger or resentment between us.

It’s never OK to drag out a break-up. Doing so only makes you look like a selfish and heartless tool. It also isn’t OK to simply run, lie or, worse, move on to someone else. It doesn’t matter if you believe in karma or not, but how you treat others does and will come back to you. I, for one, always remember that in how I treat those around me.

A heart is too precious to waste. So make sure you take care of yours; and those who entrust you with theirs!