Watch Out for Your Friends’ Influences
It pays to be conscious of the people you surround yourself with in your life because your friendships can have a huge effect on your perspective, attitude, and lifestyle. Even if your friends think they’re doing you a service with their endless insights and commentary, the reality is that their life experiences will always be different than yours, and their perspective may not be beneficial to you. Let’s look at how divorced friends’ consistent input—good intentions aside—could cause more harm than good in your relationship.
The Single Lifestyle
It’s important to realize that while there are pluses and minuses to being single, you may have an unattached friend or two who constantly roots for the single life. This will be damaging to you, though, if they spend as much time insulting the married life as they do commending the single. As long as your friend respects your relationship, and your choice to be with your partner, their consistent homage to the unattached lifestyle can be just another way to share stories from different perspectives and experiences.
The Jaded View
Unfortunately, too many relationships and marriages end badly, which can leave divorcees feeling jaded. This will wear on you if others feel the need to consistently point out all the faults in, say, your relationship. Confiding in friends can be a very gratifying part of your friendship, but beware of their friendly “advice.” If your disclosures about your relationship problems are returned with comments such as “you should find someone who’s a better match,” or “there’s plenty of fish in the sea,” you may want to keep their perspective in mind when talking about your relationship. It’s up to you to decide whether your relationship is worth the work. There are ways to show your appreciation for their caring advice without needing to live by it.
The Disenchanted Saboteur
We all hope for friends who support us wholeheartedly and only wish the best for us. Unfortunately, sometimes a friend’s jealousy can sabotage your other relationships. Whether out of a need to be the number one person in your life, or because he or she just can’t stand to see others in a happy relationship, their cynical attitude and behavior can chip away at your relationship bliss. This type of friendship is caustic to you and your relationship, so if you find yourself in this precarious position with your “friend,” you may want to look into making a new one.
Seek Out Relationship Support
There are many people, and potential friends, who are able to be supportive about your relationship, as long as it’s healthy. You choose the people you bring into your life, so why waste time on friendships that degrade your relationship when you can have more positive friendships that support your happiness and your choice to be in a marriage that, ultimately, is the best choice for you.
2 thoughts on “Are Your Divorced Friends Hurting Your Marriage?”
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Good article Alina! I would like to add that “friends” can try to destroy even budding relationships by telling you “this guy should be doing this, why isn’t he doing that, etc.” The old adage “Misery loves company” applies here. If your “friend” wants you to be miserable because they are in relationships, they are NOT a friend worth keeping. Cut them loose and see if your own relationship doesn’t improve immediately. I had an ex-friend who kept trying to compare my love interest with her old boyfriend. She always tried to make me realize how bad things were despite my feelings that all was OK. I no longer associate with her freeing up my energy for more usefull things. It was one of the best things I did. Things are going great with my love interest by the way.