Do You Look for Love in All the Wrong Places?

Are You Lowering Your Standards Just to Be in a Relationship?

Those looking for love may find themselves in nightclubs, singles bars, Internet chat rooms, and speed dating events. Where can you go to give yourself the best chance of meeting someone who is looking for the same things as you? While love can be found anywhere, many experts agree that events tailored specifically to finding love are not always the best route, and should be considered a last resort. The problem with these events, is they also attract those who take advantage of lonely hearts, and prey off of people looking for love.

The best place to find a soulmate is out and about enjoying your hobbies, interests, and attending events close to your heart. The idea is that we have the best chance of finding someone with the same values, when we are actively doing the things we’re most passionate about. Granted, it is time consuming to take time out of our schedule to indulge in the things you like, but it is also time well spent with yourself. What you have to ask yourself is, are you really too busy, or just afraid of rejection and loneliness?

How many people really like going to a singles club or out on a blind date? Not many, I would suspect. We do this because we feel like we have to in order to discover love. Perhaps we’ve lost all hope in the grand scheme of love finding us, and have decided to take matters into our own hands. I am not saying that you should sit back and let love come to you, but think about the places you’re currently looking, as birds of a feather really do flock together.

Fear

Taking a shortcut to finding love is a tactic used to overcome the fear of being alone. If you define your happiness by the idea of being loved and accepted by others, your ultimate happiness will always be in the control of other people. In order to find love, you need to have complete control of your life and your happiness.

Another reason to get out and attend events you like is to remind yourself that happiness and fulfillment can be achieved whether alone or in a relationship. This is easy to forget, with the advertising media constantly bombarding our senses with images of sex and romance. The simple fact is that it’s better to be in love with yourself than with the wrong person. It’s better to spend time with yourself doing what you like, rather than forcing yourself to hang out in dark places waiting for your unicorn to arrive.

If you have the confidence to take care of your own needs, you have no need to fear loneliness. You are self-assured, self-sufficient, and would make an ideal catch for anyone looking for a relationship. Studies show that we make the best choices when we narrow our choices down to just a handful of potentials, yet it seems we are drawn to large venues and websites that offer the biggest and best selection.

Overcoming Fear to Discover Love

One of the biggest draws of singles hangouts is the reduced fear of rejection. Most of us hesitate to approach someone we see in a grocery store because we fear they will not like us. It’s easier to approach someone wearing an “I’m available” tag at a speed dating event than carrying a roast beef sandwich to the front counter. What you have to consider, however, is that people in dating venues may be looking, but might not exactly be available (married, girlfriend, etc.).

Finding love is more about overcoming fears than it is about where you should or shouldn’t meet someone. You already know where to go, because where you’ll find your soulmate is where you would normally make your daily rounds. Make a list of the things you most like to do, and then join a club, sign up as a volunteer, or start going to monthly meetings, and immerse yourself in the activities you enjoy.

You will have a better chance of finding true love by fishing in your favorite goldfish bowl than throwing a worm out into a vast ocean of anxious salmon. If you can overcome your fears, you will allow your inner light to shine, and meeting people with like interests will be a natural result of your new found, carefree attitude. Don’t get me wrong. Finding love takes effort, but probably not as much as you think.