What Do You Do When the Awkwardness Begins?
What do you do if your family hates your boyfriend? First, it’s worth asking yourself whether this whole situation might be the point. Is there something in this that serves you? Perhaps you like having a reason to pull away from your family. Or maybe you like getting your family’s goat. Or maybe you’re just trying to define yourself. And maybe not. Maybe this is really The One for you, and your family isn’t accepting him into the fold. There are many possible reasons for this:
1. Your family is afraid they’re going to “lose” you.
This is common with early relationships. If it’s your first boyfriend, you can definitely expect some amount of this. It’s hard for most parents to see their kids growing away from them, and no matter your age, you’re still your parents’ kid.
2. Your family is worried that he’s not a good influence on you.
Perhaps your family sees your boyfriend as a bad influence. This can be because they see big changes in you—even positive ones—and, again, see you moving away from them.
In other circumstances, your family may be right. Perhaps he’s not a good influence. And perhaps your family really is working from concern for your well-being.
3. Your family thinks “you could do better.”
Again, a lot of families will think this about your boyfriends. No matter what standing or virtues your boyfriend may have, your family may think he’s just not good enough for their little girl, or their golden child.
This may be even more pronounced if you are the “star” of the family. If you are, you know exactly what I mean. Your success is the success of your family. Your choice of mate is seen as a success or failure for the whole group.
4. There are religious or cultural differences that make your family uncomfortable.
Religion or cultural differences (like class, for instance) can be a big hurdle in finding acceptance. The more devout your family is, or the more they identify with their culture, the harder that gulf will be to bridge.
5. Your family, or certain members of your family, may be jealous.
Sounds strange, right? But it’s true. They may be jealous that you have him (because he’s a prize, and they know it), or because he has you (leaving less of you for them).
Perhaps figuring out the reasons your family doesn’t accept the love of your life will help you to address the concerns they have. With some compassion and acceptance there’s always a way. You can be the one to begin the process of clearing that path.
5 thoughts on “Your Family Hates Your Boyfriend?”
This is just what i want 2 hear read and meditate on. I ve this girl that i luv with my whole being but my mum does not want her. She is everything to me. Now i am the only son of my mum, an African and tradition expect you and your family 2 pay a visit 2 ur inlaws before any marriage. What will i do to save this relationship? I need solution urgently thanks
when my partner passes..they will have nothing to say..they want me to be happy…i not 17 any more where they have to tell me who to date…first of all they have their own life …i dont see them to much now..because they are working…sometime i see them on the weekend…nobody has anything to say who i date..of course i will say all the good things about you….no one is to know if we have tiff…because remember i am a private person…i dont want anybody to know what is going on my life…do you think i told my family everytime me and partner have a tiff. NO WAY…my family never any think…thats why my daughters favorite him…what about your family? what would they think….
Thanks for a wonderful article. It made me think of my parents, both of whom are gone now. In June of 1946, along with heaven knows how many other World War II veterans, my parents married in spite of a great deal of disapproval from family, friends, and other general gossips. They were less than 1 year apart in age, both from the same city, both from the same religious background, both single-never had been married before, both from similar ethnic backgrounds——So what could have the problem possibly been???
While both of my parents had dark hair, my dad had dark brown hair and an olive complexion while my Mom had dark brown hair and a very pale complexion. Still wondering what the problem was that set their families off all those years ago? My Mom was considered to be somehow less desirable because of her “pale” skin.
Just goes to show how prejudices move back and forth over the years.
Thanks again for a great article
Maryanne ext. 9146
It’s funny reading this article because I can completely relate to #4….
Because I hardly date within my own culture..race as a matter of fact..it’s always been difficult for me to even bring anyone home. My last ex is African and I’m Italian. I, still to this day, feel he is the love of my life. He was completely respectful to my family. They would never completely accept him because he was ‘too dark’ for their liking. My mother was ashamed of him and was too embarassed to bring him around my aunt, who is completely prejudice of anyone who isn’t Italian. For example, my cousin married a woman who is Syrian and my other cousin married an Italian. As much respect the Syrian woman gave, my aunt treats her differently from the other wife, who completely disrespects her.
People ask me why I just don’t date someone in my race to make my family happy…Because I’m not trying to please them. I’m far more attracted to someone with a darker skin. I joke and say..”i like my ice cream flavored.” LOL!!
To this day, I’m still in love with this man. And I pray everyday that we can get back together. Being apart made me realize just how much I’m in love with him still, but even more, and how he’s a part of me that is missing in my life. All the best psychics on CP..Gina Rose, Dave, Abigail, and Michael…are telling me it isn’t over between us. Once he returns, this time it will never again be about my family and their opinions. It will only be about me and him…. I’m moved out and told my mom that my personal life is my business.
I’ve learned from this that you should never let your family control your life because they don’t always act in your best interests. Sometimes families react because of their own biases and beliefs, that it’s not about whether you’re happy or not. Families, sometimes, can be the most selfish people in your life. That it’s always about them. Well, it’s not. Gina Rose once told me..You come into this world alone, you leave this world alone. So date and love the person who holds your heart, but don’t let them walk all over you neither. I know people who went completely against their family and married the ones they loved the most. Their families put them through hell, but eventually they saw who this person really was over time and accepted them completely.
I personally don’t like my brother’s new wife. But that’s because her personality was very skeptical from the start. She rubbed me the wrong way from day 1. We’ve gotten into arguments, even 2 weeks before their wedding on her bachelorette party. However, I never tried to persuade my brother to not marry her. It’s his business and his relationship. He will eventually see who she really is now that they are married. She’s already starting to act differently….once she has my brother she’s turned into the witch. But I just do me, it isn’t my business unless she personally attacks me. And even then it’s between me and her, not my brother.
Sorry for this being long. I just had a lot to say after reading this. It made me laugh. I really liked it. I know their are others who probably believe family only act in your own best interests. But I’ve lived through it and I personally believe they don’t, not all of the time. You just have to look outside the box, put your emotions aside, and see if this person really right for you. If this person satisfies and respects you and puts into the relationship as much as you, then look at the actual reasons why your family reacts the way they do. It may just be them and their own personal issues. That’s when you have to turn and say…BUTT OUT!
Big Hugs,
Rosemarie
Hi,
Great article !!! I do many readings on this topic…….and if I may, add just one more thing ……
If all you ever do is complain about him or her, to family members AND friends, whenever you have a ” tiff “…..naturally they won’t like him, remember they are related to you and therefore automatically biased on your behalf from the get-go.
So remember to mention all of the good things you like about him or her once in awhile too .
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500