What Type of Relationship Truly Fulfills the Authentic You?
Many think traditional marriage is a thing of the past. Even the head of eHarmony was quoted recently as saying that traditional marriage is out-moded and completely unnecessary, pointing to the well-known statistic that more than half of married relationships end in divorce. Some say many men (due to the nature of their hormonal makeup and their primordial DNA) may not actually be able to adhere to the parameters that monogamy requires… Still the vast number of my clients and clients I speak to on California Psychics are longing for marriage or at the very least committed partnership—even individuals long past child-bearing age. Go figure!
True Desire or Programming?
Certainly many clients in their twenties seem to be pre-programmed in auto-pilot to seek marriage and many clients in their late twenties to mid thirties seem wired for child-bearing. Having lived in the UK and Europe where it seems many couples live out of wedlock, co-habitating or maintain separate abodes, I wonder what it is about our culture that seems to cling to a cultural tradition that seems to have less and less meaning in a society where it is no longer an economic necessity.
Still it seems that children who grow up in a more traditional household where there are two parents (no matter the gender) in a on-going consistent family unit seem to grow up healthier and one parent families or children of divorce often seem lost and less able to bond or maintain on-going intimate connection. Certainly children of divorce have been statistically shown to have challenges with bonding and trust.
How many of us actually reflect on what would really work for us as individuals as opposed to instinctual, knee-jerk reactions that may be based on “fairy-tale” notions or societal and peer pressure?
Blissfully Happy—Alone or Together?
In my own life, my grandparents were a long time married couple with my grandmother accommodating my grandfather; their union seemed to be fundamentally happy—with divorce not even being considered an option. Their primarily contented and solid relationship was the bedrock of the rest of the family—providing security, consistency and sense of family history that has been invaluable to me and the rest of their grandchildren—my brother and sister and our nephews and nieces.
In my mother’s case, she was married three times—all three times unhappily with one only lasting two weeks. Interestingly, I, on the other hand, have maintained a blissfully single life, never even coming close to marriage. My birth chart gives a clue as to why this is: with Uranus the planet of freedom on my ascendant and my sun sign in Aquarius ruling freedom and individuality—these tendencies indicate someone who values freedom above all else. Ironically one of my specialties as a spiritual adviser is soul mate connections and what kind of combinations of connections make for long term happiness in intimate partnership.
Again, go figure!
Fate, Family Patterns, Karma and/or Self-Awareness?
My twice married brother is blissfully happy having felt like he found his true partner. My brother believes that if you do not find your true partner and marry for other reasons, that you will, in fact, keep looking and find on-going faithfulness a challenge. He also believes that we have very little control over who our mate is and that this is more in the hands of our “fate” and “destiny.”
I tend to think it’s much more complicated than that. I wish more and more of my clients would actually reflect on what would make them truly happy in alignment with their true selves and believe there should be many more possibilities in the relationship arena—that it’s not really black and white. But still people seem to keep looking—and in fact, feel compelled to search for and find their “soul mates,” whether this reflects a profound longing on the soul level or a massive brain-washing by the popular media remains open to discussion.
15 thoughts on “Create an Authentic Relationship”
Anyone met a soul mate recently? Would love to hear your experience and how you “knew?”
Warmest wishes and stay warm!
Katrina x
Hi Gina Rose,
Thanks for weighing in…..Yes, we’re a unique breed.
Appreciate your time very much!
Warmest regards,
Katrina
Kutie,
My point was to be fulfilled in a relationship you need to be fulfilled as a person on your own.
Another person cannot make you happy and fulfilled if you are not already there.
Make sense?
I welcome further discussion on this point.
Warmest regards,
Katrina
Point well taken, Theisa.
Appreciate your response.
All best,
Katrina
Re Fidelity – if Warren Beatty could do it – one of Hollywood’s notorious lotharios – anyone can do it!
Any thing is possible….and yes, sometimes people do change! (:
Wow! So nice to hear so many different points of veiw!! Thank you all for your comments!
Dear Gina Rose,
So lovely to connect and share this in common……It is a powerful force – the desire for freedom or the desire to bond…..
I tend to think that one or the other tends to dominate one’s psyche.
Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with your take….Many factors to take into consideration! GREAT to hear from you! xo Katrina
Acinta…..I am thrilled and delighted for you both – you’ve both waited so long! And probably many lifetimes!
Angie and Theisa – I agree that all individuals should strive to be accountable for their actions…but I’ve got to say I’ve observed two strong pulls in the male psyche – one for monogamy and one, not so much!
Our compassion and insights for each other can keep us from lashing out and from taking these tendencies so personally and allowing them to wound us. Why, for example, are some of us drawn like a moth to light to men or partners who have difficulty committing or being monogamous? These patterns are worthy of personal inquiry.
For example in my own case, my parents were divorced at an early age and my father prone towards outside relationships. With Neptune on the IC, I as a child would have a great deal of confusion around this and wonder if it was my fault. With Capricorn and Chiron, the Wounded Healer, on the 7th house of partnership, I am trying to solve that “karma” with the father and heal that wound – hence I have a tendency to attract this pattern or variations on this theme to heal that wound.
A great book on the subject: Harlowe Hendricks: Getting the Love We Want – of how we attract in our intimate partnerships the very wounds we experience with our parents in another attempt to heal these.
Just to rage at men who are not faithful without seeing the role you may play in attracting these men may be missing an opportunty for growth and insight.
I think Diane that some of us are drawn to someone like ourselves and other’s prefer opposites and their complementary aspects. Either way, relationships always mirror important lessons and insights.
Kutie, thanks for your comments. It can be a lonely and cruel world at times and yes, having someone in your corner who has your back is a great gift!!!!
Many blessings and thanks for writing!!
Katrina
Having met my Soul Mate six months ago, I resonate with what Katrina wrote about this recognition. It wasn’t immediate; in fact, my mate was quicker to recognize this than I was. I had written a letter to my Soul Mate 9 years ago during a workshop for singles. At that time, I was jaded and angry having been through an abusive marriage. However, my Inner Wisdom believed and knew what I was looking for. I was able to give this letter to my Soul Mate and he recognized that it was indeed meant for him!!! Keep in mind that we are both 58 and have gone through painful relationships in the past. We now celebrate how we finally found each other in this lifetime!! I believe that we have had many incarnations together before.
I think saying men can’t be faithful is the cop out of our times. It’s too easy to be unfaithful and our society has made it too easy to divorce.
I am really tired of the lame excuse for men and their wandering eyes and other parts being their “hormones and natural urges”. We aren’t animals and we have advanced beyond our cave dwelling days where intellect is stonger than animal urges. I believe that all this babble about men being naturally polygamous is just really laying ground work for men to have some type of legitimate excuse for being cads. Brainless ones at that.
Hi Katrina,
I too, have Uranus on my ascendent and value my freedom above all else…..
In your article you mention fate, family patterns, karma and/or self-awareness as being factors…..yes, ALL of those factors play a part in why a individual decides to seek a traditional relationship, or ,why some do not have that desire and need.
I used to think that the more interests couples have in common, the better the chances of a relationship lasting longterm. I now think that the answer is more complicated than that. It appears to me that many couples have unrealistic expectations of each other. For example, some guys expect for the woman to have supermodel looks, and concentrate on primarily the outer person and pay little attention to what’s inside. Just look at PEOPLE magazine to find out what popular culture seems to value most: what do you have? how do you look? And the term Soulmate is very misleading. All of us come from different backgrounds. Why would you be so narcissistic as to be in search of a copy of yourself?
I don’t care how “independant” a person feels,, its a huge, lonely, sometimes scary world out there, and I don’t know many people who want to live life “alone” their whole lives, its very unfullfilling………….
I have another article coming up that probes these mysteries from an astrological point of view if this would be of interest. I am always happy to incorporate these kind of explorations into yoru reading – if you find this of interest and useful for your understanding of your relationships.
Basic bi wheel synastry also is an incredible tool for understanding compatibility and relationship dynamics.
There really is so much more than Sun Sign Astrology. In intimate relationships traditioally you focus more on Sun/Moon; Mars/ Venus; Saturn to the Moon and Saturn to Saturn and more.
I love to look at past lives and soul level lessons in the relationship arena as well.
This is such a rich and amazing aspect of the human experience on Planet Earth. (:
I have done a good bit of astrological research on this and have found the 9th harmonic astrological chart depicts much insight into the nature of soul mate or “karmic” relationships. Also a good bit of work with Magi astrology focuses on Chiron, Neptune, Jupiter and Venus in a fresh light that is fascinating.
The channelled information on Soul Mates indicates we have 9 souls in our soul group who we reconvene with on the Astral after we transition from the soul plane. One of those souls is our prospective mate or twin soul – that which completes us and the remainder are our soul mates or members of our soul family who we feel completely connected and at home with.
I am really more of a romantic than this article reflects, but truly believe happy people make happy matches – that to be in a happy relationship – you need to be a truly happy person on your own – on your power and on your path……So if you forge a truly happy life – either way you have a much greater chance to be happy in partnership and attract a healthy mate who is also fundamentally a happy person. Once one of my Buddhist leaders said: Be the kind of partner you dream of. While this wasn’t really appealing to the romantic in me, there is some solid practical wisdom here……
The nature of the Soul Mate is truly mysterious….and harkens back to our past life connections, our contracts, our soul group and many fascinating layers worthy of reflection and investigation.
Often when someone meets someone and they “know” them immediately this is due to many past life connections…..I do believe in “love at first sight” and often this does reflect soul mate connections or even the more rare one of a kind twin soul……