What to Avoid if You Want to Get Away Safely!
If you just went through a break-up there are five things you shouldn’t do if you want to make it out of the relationship with stability and sanity.
5. Don’t stay friends right now. There is no way you can remain friends with an ex if you still have feelings for him. All remaining friends does is give him permission to treat you like crap while he borrows money from you, have occasional sex with you when he can’t find anyone else, and lean on you for emotional support when he has a bad day—all the time pompously telling you, you’re not a couple! He’s not going to have an epiphany and realize breaking up with you was a bad idea. He’s just going to use you until he finds someone to take your place.
4. Leave him alone. I must repeat myself here… He has chosen to break up with you. He wants to be on his own. That means he can pay his own bills and take care of his own emotional and sexual needs without you! I don’t care how pathetic he is or how good the sex is. He doesn’t want a commitment anymore. All he’s doing is using you until he can find someone else to fill those needs and then you’ll have to go through all that pain and rejection again!
3. Keep connected with his Facebook, Twitter, blog, or any other source of social media where you can see his every move. Do you really want to torture yourself with each new female friend he adds and see cutesy little comments from women you know were interested in him in the past? There is absolutely no reason to torture yourself like this! Delete him and block him immediately!
2. Don’t pour over old pictures of the two of you during happier times, read old letters, and sob over the teddy bear he won for you during your first date. Relationships evolve, and if you’re not growing together, you’re growing apart. Put all the pictures, letters and cards in a box, and if you’re not strong enough to get rid of them right now, give them to a friend with strict instructions not to give them back for at least six months! All these things do is make you think of him, and the lost relationship. It’s time to start building some new memories!
1. Don’t sit there torturing yourself with the thought that he’s suddenly turned into Prince Charming after finding another Princess. He was a selfish, lazy toad when he was with you, and he’ll be a selfish, lazy toad with the next one! Be thankful you’re free of this louse, and able to start a new story, with you as the star!
By following these five post-breakup tips you’ll more easily make the transition from being a couple to being single. While the pain might seem unbearable, following this advice will lessen the sting and help you avoid further pain.
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51 thoughts on “Top 5 Things Not to Do After a Breakup”
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Thank you, whomever wrote this article. It was very inspiring and helpful. I have a few points where I disagree with you, but not the whole way. I have had a few gf’s in my time, like many men. I met Angie when we were both 16 and we stayed together for 5 years. She gave birth to a daughter, Alex, in 1998. I honestly thought that she was my daughter. In 2000, she had another daughter, Sam. Again, I believed she was mine. We broke up in late 2000 and she rubbed it in my face that both of these little girls that I had raised had been fathered by my best friend (at the time), James. I met Summer in 2000, and we were really good friends. She had a 2-yr-old daughter and a newborn son when I met her. Summer and I started our relationship in 2002 (I had been single for nearly 2 years). In 2004, I planned to a surprise for her birthday (she was “the one”, in my head). At 25, I believed I was ready to settle down and start a family. I left work early and went home to pick her up to take her to the restaurant where we had our first date. When I walk in, I find the father of her children sitting on the couch and holding her while she’s crying. Turns out, she’s pregnant with their third kid, even though we had been together for 2 years. After Angie and Summer, Theresa was the one who I find out is married 4 months into our relationship; Madison cheated on me with a “good friend” of mine; and Annie was “emotionally unavailable”, as she put it. All of these relationships were bad for me and I never thought I would honestly find a decent woman. In 2005, after another year of being single, I was introduced to Danielle by my younger sister. I was 28 and she was 21, so I honestly never thought it would work. We clicked and became very good friends. In 2006, I realized that Danielle and I practically did everything together. Literally, I mean nearly everything. We were just so intuned with each other that I never thought anything of it. After 2 years of being single, I was so nervous with being attached to her. I asked her out and she told me “Finally!”. We have been together for six years, married for five. In 2008, I once again went out and bought a ring. I came home early and found that she was alone watching a movie. I fell more in love with her on that night, knowing she was waiting for me when I got back home. In 2010, I happily received our son, Evan, into this world. He was perfect and I loved him. We adopted her nephew, Landon (born in 2010, as well), in 2011, and welcomed our daughters, Honor and Sage, earlier this year. Danielle has given me the life that I wanted when I was 25, and I thank God for her being there for me. At 33, I look back and laugh at the disasters of relationships I allowed myself to be drug through. Thank you.
an ex is just an ex and him asking to be friends after a breakup is like kidnappers asking you to “keep in touch” after letting you go. therefore to avoid second heartbreaks then rather just stay away from your ex as it will bring lots of consequences like unplanned pregnancy and diseases and the ex will leave you to pick up the pieces.
Two thumbs up for this article! NO CONTACT with the ex; they’re an ex for a reason! (or a million reasons)
Unfortunately (or fortunately) I couldn’t disagree more with the whole article. I think if the ex was special enough to be in your life, there’s no reason to just erase them from our lives just because the relationship didn’t work. If you were treated with love and respect during your time together, there’s no reason you should forget all this just because you don’t have the lover anymore. I am friends with every single one of my exes, and because our feelings were mutual and real for each other while we were a couple, we didn’t feel the need to use or abuse the other person at the end of the romance. But all this begins with choosing the right and a good person to start a relationship. Never pick a jerk to date, just because he’s cute or because you feel you can’t find anything better! You can and you will!
Thank you James, but only for women? ALSO FOR MEN, my dear. I think…..
in my case, its so true that its hard to be friend with your ex when you still have feelings for him/her..My ex wanted us both to be friends an still wanted to talk to each other but not as special as we had before.
for several times my ex decided to let go but it was me trying to win him back and to try making it work again and again..
I told myself few times that its over yet i keep thinking of him..see his pics on fb and txt him if we could talk(just to see him). I thought seeing him every now and then would help me..and right, it only made myself missed and wanted him more. Until now, im still longing for him..its really difficult,,its easy being said than done…
Now, im trying my best to take him out of my head..
yeah OKay you have all the answers – yeah sounds good! REALLY yeah just like sitting in the middle of a bitch fest were everyone including our families and our little gossipyfriends tell us that hes not the one for you while they lie in wait to get their claws into them! yep ok
Yes! Kit, You know how to write a great article. Tell it the way it is. The ex needs to stay gone. Don`t allow them to manipulate you.
James i know you mean well but believe me,you should not befriend your ex- or go back to them….PERIOT!
My ex walked out on me……and 2 months later…..he wants me back. He leaves me love letters, follows me on FB, constantly calls and leaves text messages….AND he keeps forwarding previous love letters I sent him last year. I feel uncomfortable, and at the same time, I feel guilty. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I am over him. The night he walked out, I said “you better make sure this is what you truly want to do, because once you walk out…….you are out of my life forever.” Apparently, he didn’t believe me. I don’t know what to do…..I just want to be friendly, considering we both work for the same company.
Does the same apply to a woman who walked out on you? Seriously. It’s over two years for me and it still hurts like hell. Is she the same person with the new guy? She’s managed to stay with him longer than we were together. I have to assume she’ll put the same crap she did with me.
Your article is so true to life and your advice is sound and
good. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
I love my ex with all of my heart. It has taken me years to finally realize that just because we live someone, that doesn’t mean they are good for us there are a lot of toxic relationships that we,unfortunately, encounter in our lives. You must have enough self respect to set your boundaries and stick to them. Loving someone doesn’t give them a free pass to treat you badly! And anyone that truly loves you wouldn’t want to treat you bad.
THIS ARTICLE IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. MY MAN DIED LAST YEAR AND I STILL MISS HIM BUT IT A NEW YEAR AND I WILL TRY TO BE BETTER NOW. WHEN WE END WE HAVE TO REALLY END.
You have to love yourself first. If you get that feeling in your gut or red flags leave him or her. Its better to be alone then be with someone who disrespects you. Time heals all wounds, and life is much to short to waste your time loving someone who does not treat you well. It is possible to stay friends with an ex husband or wife especially if you have children together. My ex husband is still a very good friend and will always be .
I got married had three wonderful girls this man so called related to my ex-husband did put black magic on me for years i tried to remove it and my ex-husband knew, his family knew, but for some reason he felt sorry for him letting him live with us. finally i divorce now regretting the day this man came into our life it is true that other country do this to men/woman then i ended up with him mental /verable abuse of my child ,i from him now i have a five year old from 10+ of fighting i understand what i have done.now i pray everyday that my ex -husband will return to me knowing that he has a new g/f i stay away i dream of him when something is wrong or he is thinking of me we are still close in our souls To carmenlina
I think it depends on the situation. I am friends with all of my ex’s but one. With him though, I could care less of seeing him again, let alone being friends with him. Now, even I know not to try to push being friends right at first (unless like my last ex, we have kids involved). Each party needs a break and a chance to get a life of their own. Going back for sex, or helping out with bills and all that only make things harder. Now the father of my kids is one of my closest friends and I am his, we are both with someone, and both are aware of the other. When he comes to town to visit, he normally crashes at my place (in the living room) and stays a couple of days or so.
So TRUE!!! In 2010 my ex went off with someone else. Turns out he was cheating on me with her. I avoided all contact with him and then who pops up in 2011? Yup him, telling me that “they are through” which was a complete lie then the light bulb popped on “He didn’t want me back but he wanted me to be the other woman”. I told him where to go and I wished her good luck in my heart.
Wow…great article and really helpful info from some of you.. I just ended a two year relationship on January 1/2012. We had been having problems from the start thought we loved each other so kept trying. There started to be physical fighting in our relationship. About a year ago and i decided to stay. We had rescently broke up in Oct. We had a trip for Cancun planned..,. It obviously got cancelled. Neadless to say we started dating living apart and seeing a conselor. He asked me to move back in before xmas, so i did we booked our trip again. Decided to gooutta town for New Years with friends, once we got to our destination the drinking started.. Throughout the night we were having fun. I went to play a game of pool with one of his friends. When i got back to table after game he was so pissed off. Started calling me slut n saying wait till we get back to the room. I. Said I didnt wana fight n that I did nothing wrong. He kept saying whycouldnt you just behave. Then telling me off. I got madeand through a drink inhis face then we started to get physical with each other, i ended up head butting him in the bar. Got kicked out and then went back to my room to sleep it off. Later after the new year he had sat in the bar for hours drinking and stewing over it!!! He came to the room mad, banged on the door. I let him in and thats where it all blew up. He started freaking out and then i said I would leave. Then he through me on the bed and starting hitting my leg over and over again, then moved to my face over n over again!!! Then he jumped on top of me and started to choke me and tell me he was going to kill you, you fuckin bitch!! Over n over again… He then picked me up and through me again the wall by the door and told me to get the fuck out of the room. I ran to the next room which my cousin and he boyfriend were in. I notified the police the next morning, but because I head butted him in front of the entire bar Imight be charged with assault too. I feel so sad and depressed i had to move outta his house move with some friends and he messaged me last night on fb to ask about cancelling drip and saying on how disappointed he was onhow New Years turned out…… Nothing like he was sorry for kicking the shit outta me or nothing just worried about the cost of the trip he spent. I still love him and want to be with him, i know its wrong but have feelings I cant turn off. I think he is pretty much done with me but glad there are restraining orders against us so I cant see him, call or text him…. Am I stupid dor thinking he would change and that he loves me and it was alot to do with the alcohol.?????
W/ a poor relationship, it’s best not to waste too much time learning what the lesson is, because it’s robbing you of time w/ someone decent and special and worthy of your love and energy. Starting with yourself, of course.
When I found the King of Narcissists, I was able to see what happens to women in abusive relationships. He mainly wanted me for his convenience. A mistress and housekeeper. I could write the most humorous novel from my sporadic time with him. I should.
I realized that even though some people are wounded and turn out selfish, it’s not my job to ‘fix’ him, trying to make him see I’m lovable and valuable. Many of us are trying to fix our primary parent relationships with people who are cookie cutters of those who just weren’t available for one reason or another. It’s good to forgive and move on. Amazing how time and focus on one’s own goals dims the gnawing pain of loss. The true loss is what you really wanted-not necessarily what you really had.
A Love Mentor I subscribe to for keeping on the right track gives 3 criteria for good mates:
1. He’s crazy about you (or she)
2. He’s willing to grow.
3. He’s trustworthy.
Instead of cutting someone off for good, give yourself 6-12 months, and casually date, staying out of bed, so as not to reconnect prematurely. So many times chemistry has been triggered before a couple even knows if they’re compatible in important areas. Most times, you will only scratch your head, wondering why you were beating your head against the glass like the moth going for the flame, refusing to hear the truth.
When your mate isn’t open and honest, they are separated from you. If they’re not willing to talk about it or get help, disconnect. No one needs a photo op of the next gf or bf. Trust yourself.
Abrupt is not the same as a lack of compassion. Would you rather someone take a fork to amputate, or a machete? Take charge of your life! My 2 cents.
Great input Diana…I agree!!!!
I am preparing to change my life a bit. I still have my great love who died and I am always thinking of him. I miss him very much. He was such a wonderful friend. This new year 2012 should for me will be my gold to make money and save for a rainy day.
I want to also concentrate more on me feeling better emotionally. This is my main concern
at this time and I hope that if anyone has gone through this recently. This information may
help. Well, God bless all for the New Year and may all of find happiness.
I haven’t seen so many comments before,must be something in the air! My 12+ years with my lover finally has started to close. Love is funny. It took her saying, ” Hon, I think your right. I don’t think I love you as much as I once did.” For me to totally be disenchanted with her. When she notice my lack of interest and asked why. I mentioned her comment. She remarked, “Why do you always dwell on the negative”. Good luck to everyone making their move. We may have spent years on a lover, but as it’s been said, “This too will pass”. I’m not sure of much, but I am sure that the day will come when these “lovers” will painfully regret letting us slip away.We are better off without a person that can’t see who we are….. inside and out!
Happy New Year! Happy New Life!
awesome, this really helps! 🙂
what a great article !! AND ‘ IT IS WHAT IT IS ‘ !! OH well AND so AND yes ” it is time 2 move ON 2 better AND bigger thing’s ‘ !! ” & this IS a big shout – out that GOES out , 2 ANY 1 who might BE in those shoes @ this time ” !! BLESS YOUR HEART’S & YOUR SOUL’S !! please just TRY 2 hold ON & please make sure THAT you DO KEEP the ‘ faith ” as you DO or will NEED it , 2 move ON & forward ON 2 much better & bigger thing’s !! ( : … psps SOME people DO also need’s realize this 2 though , THAT THEY still MIGHT JUDGE YOU !! but also realize this ?? THAT NO (1) or THAT they OR NO (1) else shall NOT cast NO stone UPON NO (1) ELSE , until they HAVE IN DEED walked ALL THOSE many miles in (1) ‘s OWN shoes BEFORE !! but THEY should NOT JUDGE NO (1) & NO i am not in that kind OF scenario , NOR have i ever BEEN in this situation NOR will i ever be either !! BUT (1) or I can NOT ever say ‘never” though !! BUT IT was just a ‘ / or my personal thought ?? … so please BE blessed !! ( :
it is very difficult to cut off. Mainly it was not possible to know that she had another friend while continued to spend time with me. But once on a casual reference of meeting charming young person very industrious, i advised not to latch on just by first sight. However she without my knowledge it seems continued. But when i came to know that she has the friendship growing, i thought of cutting off as i felt, only for sex, she may come to me and to keep my under reserve, she maintained a goody goody relationship. I believe she will continue till she completely dissolve in his love. I too beleive you cannot have more than one person in love.
But neither she is leaving nor i feel i can be rudely cut off her. But the advise is good and wise one.
I had to really read this more and more mine is abusive and getting charged as we speak i am having the prob of not being able to let go of us i always think he can change and stop drinking cuz i love him so much i don”t know what to do as we have a home together and he is abandoning he says to 1 of my friend’s that when court is over he is leaving me as far as he can go…i have been thinking this whole time things were getting better between us and his programs and living apart were working but after reading this i now think i need to end it for good as i now feel he may be using me??…i am so unsure what to do…??
This will help me. I am finally realizing that I have to let go of the Guy I have been with for 10 years on and off. It was me all the time not wanting to let go. He was a great guy and could not understand why we couldnt be togather. I still Love Him a lot I never loved like this before so as you can imagine its painful…. I depended on him for soo much. Several times he would indicate that we are just friends. I felt that he will one day realize that we are good for each other. 10 years later he is still saying that. After reading this article I deleted him from my phone, I will delete him from my FB. and If he calls I will not answer. I feel empowered to move on. I will print the article and read it everyday if I have to.
I have to say after reading this I feel way better about my choice to break things off with my bf of 5.5 years. We have been broken up since september and I think I may finally be ready to start dating again. So thank you for the advice
I tend to be civil, yet indifferent with most of my exes. Some I can remain friends with and there’s no drama. Some I need distance from. And yeah, there are a few that were abusive and nasty so I cut them totally out of my life.
I guess it depends on the situation. If the guy is a hurtful user, then yeah those rules do apply. Sometimes you need a little time away from him if it was a break up that wasn’t abuse related.
One of my exes is one of my closest friends. We were friends for five years before we were a couple, dated for two years and then remained just as good as friends. I know this is really rare, but it happens. Hell, I’d fix him up with a good candidate in a heart beat or kick someone’s ass for breaking his heart. haha
Just follow your gut with things, I guess.
Even if you are the one who ends the relationship, the same things that Kit mentioned can happen. You can still end up being used by your ex.
If you end the relationship, end it – all of it. Don’t keep reopening your wounds by hanging on to pieces of him / her.
Why should you continue to be sad to lose someone who made you sad?
Reed x5105
All those fantasies about how your fabulous energy will lift him to his highest self is bunk.
We are who we are until WE decide to do the inner work and change.
OMG I gave all that I am and there was 0 sex.
NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So true. It’s even harder when you have children together…. There’s no rule book out there on that. :-(.
i just want to say this article u sent me . Is so what I need to do with this guy.. this is a description of me! I will read it over and over to get threw my head
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!! A FEW MONTHS AGO I TOLD HIM THAT WE COULD NEVER BE FRIENDS AND THAT I HAVE A NEW BOO NOW THAT APPRECIATES ME AND COMMENTS ME ON THE THINGS I DO FOR MYSELF. NOW THAT IS A REAL MAN!!
i found a gem after 28 years and then deported, now what i work in the united states and he lives in mexico 2 hr drive but then he found himdelf a crack head and left me for the other women youger of corce, but then i found out she did black magic on him , in mexico lots of women do black magic to stay with the guy , my husband drinks alot and she drinkd=s alot and do drugs now what i have to combat evil, black magic does happen in mexico more now what
i totally agree with all of this and this news letter couldnt have come at a better time! my ex from 2.5 years ago just tried sxting me lastnight! thank goodness i am with a most amazing man now and have been foe over a year! i would never do to the man i have now that my ex did to me! thank you for this news letter!!!
Wow, bitter much? I broke off a marriage with my ex wife after 6 years of marriage. We ARE still friends. We have a kid together. It works out SOO much better than our friends who are always yelling at each other and fighting over petty crap and taking stuff out on each other. If you are too small minded to let the past go and move forward with your life then you’ll never get over that other person and will harbor resentments, poisoning yourself emotionally and causing your own misery in life. But you are right in that you have to move on. You just don’t have to hate the other person to do it.
This is such great advice. Where were you when I needed you? hehe
Help,
I am gooing out with someone,for 2 months now,i look on his facebook wall and its full of comments and romance messages from woman. I went on weekeng to his house,secretly read messages on his inbox,there are very pretty woman from different countries,and its like they are in a relationship. I asked him about this woman before,but he said they are just friends.Messages in the inbox,one say he will fly to her during spring. I am so tied of changing patners,whats your advise?Should i leave him again?Og,am so confused.HELP ME,PLEASE THERE!!
Great article. I just recently went through a sort of breakup.. He changed really fast and got distant really quickly. When I questioned what was wrong he said he didn’t feel a connection. It wasn’t me it was him.. But my gut was nagging at me that there was something else. I found out last night there was and is and she has become the center of his life. Really??? I’m trying to look at the bigger picture.. But Facebook hurts soo bad. But I can’t not look!! Lol this article came just in time. Thank you .
WOW you are good. I agree with everything from 1 thro 5. I have just broken up after twenty years with someone and I felt heartbroken. But as I read your 1 thro 5 my blackness lifted. Thank you and I wish you love forever,,,,,,(I never seem to get it ,,,,I do not know the secret) never mind eh. love Alexa xxxx
amazing article 🙂
my ex hubby left me and went back to his mum and dad he was still living there when she passed on, he had to get a home of his own then, but apparently spends most of his free time at his older sister’s place, his family and I stayed friends after we divorced, and we did as well,even when he came into money he still shared it with me his mum said he was just too immature mentally for anything like marriage, up until the day she died she and I were still friends too so this may not always be the case, mind-you I am an Aquarius,with my moon in Capricorn and Scorpio rising and he was Virgo, (he never had his chart done) so maybe that has something to do with it
Thanks for everything,you were talking particularly to me.your words touched me.But know what?we seperated long ago and she left with our only son,and i can not bear staying without them.HELP ME,what do i do?Needs your help more than fishes need water,nomatter clean or dirty.
BRILLIANT. The best advice I have seen for a long time. Either you are NUMBER ONE or you don’t count… If you don’t count, WHY should he count? Simple, he doesn’t!!
Cut everything off: never allow yourself to weaken – you cannot move forward until you turn on on the engine and drive away. ONE day, believe me you WILL say “Whatever did I see in that?” That is if you can still remember him. Ha!
Hello, I honestly would have to say this is not always the case at all, in my opinion. I am a 38 year old man that has been with the same woman for 24 years now and I NEVER CHEATED EVER. I just don’t think that all men are the same as well as every relationship or situation. I do agree that alot of what was stated makes since, for certain people in certain situations but for the most part not eevery man leaves for the same reasons, sometimes they have good reasons or feel that it is best for both people in the relationship or sometimes the man leaves because they were just so unhappy, not to be hurtful or just to replace the woman with another, sometimes its harder on the man to leave but they do feel its the right thing to do. I don’t mean that all men are saints or anything like that. Sure there are a lot of jerks out there that do bounce from one good woman to another, but we are not all like that.
I see that the person that wrote this was hurt at some point by a man or maybe several,and I really hate it for them if that happens to have been the case, but please don’t label all men as sorry or lazy or any other type binding us all together that is so negative, Because we are all different and we all do things for different reasons. I honestly think IF my wife and I seperated then I would hope to still be her friend, because we would both still care about each other I’m sure ,even if we both had new mates or we both remaned single that I wouldn’t come around just to sleep with her, NOT UNLESS I WAS REALLY TRYING TO RESTART OUR RELATIONSHIP AS A COUPLE. I understand the writer, was really trying to help women get over men that left them, so as not to suffer over someone who has left them, but you will suffer some either way when there is a split in a close relationship or one that has lasted for a while. I really think its up to the reader of this article to make up thier on minds just how much they allow themselves to suffer over a breakup and how sorry the man was for leaveing depending on how he treated them and the real reason that he actually left. I also think that it is totally up to the reader to decide if they want to be friends with thier ex’s , based on all that they know about them and based on what they really want from that relationship from that point on, can you or would you really want to be just friends or would you still want more and would you really ever get back what you had between the two of you OR WOULD you be happy just seeing them and not being able to be closer than just friends. I think each indivigal is diferent same as every situation. I know sometimes it is best to take the artur’s advice on most all of the things they stated, but not always, you all have to make up your own minds using reason and common since to do what is needed for whats best for you. I truely am sorry for anyone out there that is suffering with love or relationship problems. God bless…
You hit the nail on the head!! I was with someone for 10 years that just about drained the life out of me… emotionally, physically and financially. He lived with me for almost 8 years. He never worked, helped or contributed. He was the laziest, most selfish thing on the face of the earth. I cared for him and did his laundry (along with everything else) while he slept in my bed, ate my food, used my car and cell phone, smoked marijuana in my house and grubbed my last dollar off me every day. He was abusive and disloyal behind my back. He literally walked all over me. I tried desperately to put him out many times. He refused to leave, cause he had nowhere else to go. I finally accomplished what I set out to do! I really don’t know how I fell so hard for this piece of garbage in the first place. I don’t want him back. I just need to get him off my mind.
thank you Kit….do hope I will be able to follow your advice….I so WANT to !!