In Love, But Feeling Alone?

That Nagging Feeling That Just Won’t Go Away

You’re in love. The world should feel perfect, but you have this nagging sense of loneliness, of being all by yourself. That can feel intense during the holidays. That sense of being alone can be a two-sided coin, and you might not win with heads or tails if you don’t take stock of your own issues.

Here’s what might be happening.

1. Heads. Your partner, busy with a personal agenda and feeling comfortable (or uncomfortable) in a relationship, becomes a bit self-absorbed. Football games. Girls’ night out. Work. Personal interests. He or she pays less attention to you, and it may or may not be a crisis.

2. Tails. You are a little on the needy side. Your expectations are not as realistic as they might be. No one could pay as much attention as you seek. Healthy people, including you, need time to fill spiritual needs, refuel mental energies, and turn thoughts within. Do you allow for these essential activities for yourself and your partner?

Heads You Lose?

Winning and losing is about perception. If it’s heads and your partner is truly neglecting you for his own interests, or she’s seems obsessed with her outside social life, it’s critical that you find out if your relationship is sound.

We’ve heard the old theory that women are from one planet and men from another, so getting along is tenuous. Well, we’re all from Earth, and it’s time to get past the differences. Once you put yourself in a relationship, you have a certain obligation to work at the success of the partnership.

If there’s a communication problem, or old baggage getting in your way as a couple, find professional help and nip the problem in the bud. There are therapies and interventions to re-establish emotional connections and to teach us how to be effective partners. If you decide to give counseling a go, you must both commit to it and follow through with the program.

If you’ve given it your best try and you’re sure the loneliness is a symptom of a dysfunctional union, consider ending the relationship. We all deserve happiness and some matches are simply not made in heaven.

But your partner may not be aware of self-centered tendencies. A quiet dinner, soft lights, and a sip of something delightful sets the mood for non-contentious conversation. Don’t steamroll your mate with a diatribe about how neglectful he is. Happily suggest you’d love to spend some awesome time together, and map out intriguing things to do as a couple.

In the meantime, add subtle sensuality to your daily interactions—you remember, it’s how you won your lover in the first place. Back to basics: Hand holding, slow kisses hello and goodbye, flirting, and a true interest in your partner’s occupations.

Tails You Win It All

Take a good look in the mirror and be straight with yourself. Are you whining? Is the feeling of being alone something you can fix all by yourself while enhancing your relationship at the same time?

There is no one person in the universe who can meet all of your needs, my needs, or Aunt Gerty’s needs. Just as people are omnivores, that is, we eat a huge variety of food types to stay healthy, we are also omni-social.

Before we commit to a relationship, most of us connect with lots of people. We bond with our extended family. We interact with co-workers. We socialize with acquaintances and with a network of friends.

“You must first decide that you are worthy of love and that your value to be loved is not determined by someone else but yourself.” – William ext. 5131

Then, along comes Mr. or Ms. Oh My Goodness, and we’re hooked. We focus—can’t get enough time together. We drink in our lover’s magic attraction as though we had been dying of thirst. Everyone else could drop into an abyss and we’d not notice. We behave like that in order to propagate Earthlings, folks.

It’s chemical, biological, and nearly unavoidable. However, relationships mature and grow. For most of us, our chemistry subsides, our sanity returns. Sometimes, something goes awry and we fall in love with love, not with another person — a perfect way to start feeling lonely and neglected as your partner grows and you stagnate.

Take a look at how your life is going. A healthy partnership incorporates a few of the following, does yours?

• A strong support network consisting of more than one person

• A variety of people to interact with — all types of people with all types of interests and skills

• A choice of activities that satisfy personal goals, growth, and happiness

• Time for self

• Time for a full spectrum of things to do — active, passive, quiet, energetic, creative, mind-candy, educational, entertaining, productive, relaxing

• Time for spiritual development

• Contribution to the betterment of all Earthlings

• Quality time as a couple

If your lonely feelings stem from too much dependence on another person, shake yourself up and step outside your comfort zones. It’s a terrific time of year to explore something new and exciting, so treat yourself to independence. You’ll feel stronger and happier, and your relationship will definitely win the toss.

“To attain the love you want, be prepared to be, or work to become, the type of person you want to attract!ʺ – Yemaya ext. 5143

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