How to Create Peace Within the Family
Let’s face it, divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences two people can experience in a lifetime, and even if it is in the past and the documents have been signed there could be numerous issues to deal with still. Are you with a new man that you truly adore, and does he have an ex-wife that is constantly causing problems? Unresolved problems, even if the divorce is final, can still come up after time and especially if your boyfriend or new husband shares kids with the ex-wife.
It’s a smart idea to keep your sanity in check when dealing with a dramatic ex-wife, and there are some methods for keeping the peace between all of you. Sometimes, even after divorce happens, there are unresolved feelings from one or both parties. It is extremely important to try and maintain a working relationship between you, your man and his ex; not only for your own peace of mind, but also for the children that may be involved. Here are some tips on how to make and maintain peace between you, your man and his ex-wife.
Be the Bigger Individual
Not in size, but in the way you react to the ex-wife’s episodes of anger, resentment and whatever may come up after the divorce is final. If the ex-wife is constantly trying to push you or your man’s buttons, be the bigger person and shrug her attempts off. While this may increase her level of anger and drama, you will still come out on top as the mature individual(s). Eventually the anger will die down if there is nobody reacting.
“Going within and becoming the best of who you are is a spiritual goal.” – TeriLynn ext. 9625
Put a Halt to Arguing
Avoid arguing in front of the children. If you find your boyfriend or husband is constantly rowing, or god forbid you, put an immediate halt to this. The kids have already been through enough with the destruction of their family unit and divorce. Think about the kids first and foremost and either argue when the kids are not around or just stop it cold turkey.
Work on Unresolved Issues
A smart way to avoid arguing is to deal with unresolved matters that are keeping the ex-wife angry and scorned. If you have issues with the ex-wife try sorting them out as mature sane individuals. If your man needs to address issues with his ex, make sure he deals with them and leaves you out of it. A tip: Acknowledge where there is fault and admit when you were wrong. Agree to disagree.
Work On an Agenda
One of the biggest problems after divorce is the lack of communication over topics relating to the kids. Make sure you and your man create a schedule out with the ex-wife on the kid’s activities, when each parent will see them and anything else needed to be known by all three of you. Even if you are not married to your man yet, you are still looking out for the kids when you are with him and them. Everyone needs to work together to make each week as stable as possible for the children.
Set Boundaries
If you find the ex-wife is calling all hours, sending constant angry threatening emails to your man or showing up when they are not supposed to, you will need to set some boundaries and put them on paper. Each parent and parent’s partner needs to know what acceptable behavior is when relating to the kids and any financial or child support matters. Use a lawyer to help you format boundaries.
“As the old saying goes, time heals all wounds, and it really does. That doesn’t mean that you won’t still feel it from time to time, but you learn, and you move forward.ʺ – Lacy ext. 5494
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23 thoughts on “His Ex-Wife is Driving Us Crazy!”
I Hate His/Her Ex by Alex Cooper is a book for anyone having difficulty coming to terms with their partner’s past relationships – brilliant read! Available on Amazon or most bookstores – Kindle or paperback!
Dealing with crazy ex-wife is terrible. My husband divorved her 7 years ago and she never accept it that my husband is the one who filed the divorce and they have 2 kids. My husband take the kids to my home 2-3 times per week and give monthly support or maintenance to them and the ex-wife also received the monthly support from our government but she always ask more. For the comunication, she react like a wife until now, she hold the time, the schedule, the money of my husband and command him everytime. Also she fight the mother and sisters and brothers of my husband. Before we married, my husband is like a dog to her, if she command him to do everything she want, my husband must do it because he can’t see his kids if he did not follow her and she always using the kids to front everything in situation and she always sending sms and call to my husband and argue, this happen until now. If my husband does’nt pick the phone, she go to our front door and doorbell in dawn time. Because she wants my husband to come back to her bullshit life. So how can we communicate in a good way to her. She is so bearfaced woman and she feels she is the great one and nobody can top of her. So crazy. As in crazy woman.
this is crazy that I saw this because I’m dealing with this exact situation. I’ve been nice, invited her to come with us and the kids to the Christmas parades, volunteered my time to take her Christmas shopping for the kids. She can’t accept that he and I are together and we’re extremely happy.
Be the Bigger Individual
“Eventually the anger will die down if there is nobody reacting.” This never happened in my case, time and time again I did thiswith my sons Father. More times than I should I gave in to his requests for extra time, he constantly lied and stated it was “his turn”, I would give in attempting to keep the peace. He stated turning my son agaist me and by age four it was obvious, “Boys do not have play time with there Mommies” my son would tell me, it got worse from there. Infact he got so much worse when I split from my husband he tried to get me to come back to him, still angry a little latter when he assumed I commited some wrong against him (something that I never did) He had me Falsely Arrested by his cop buddy who had no evidence of me commiting any crime. It was hell
Great Article and inspiring stories from all. I use to be in that suitation with my first relationship 12 years ago was 21. He had kids from his first Marriage & I had nil, loved his kids & was always there for them. Their mother was always ringing my then hubby giving him a hard time as well as I, even started badly influencing her kids to hate me n be disruptive. & then when I had our son she came to our home to see me & I welcomed her in, feed her and made her at home. She went out that door without any anger. But she went back into that disruptive attitude of hers. She never could never get peace in her. Life with my then ex was too getting bad so I told him to leave. I was left with my two kids. Shook my self up & came up on top, met a wonderful man after 1 year and he taught me how to love again. We had wonderful years together before he passed away. I am a better person thru his love & help & especially with Gods amazing Love. I am single but not alone, I have my 5 kids who love me unconditionally and a family who always there.
Remember, Marriage is a wonderful thing no matter who or what your partner had or has in his preivous relationship. If you love your partner, Trust in God to make all things possible then he will florish it and bring peace to you firstly then to all.
Bonjour messieurs et mesdames!
Je vous remercie de vos remarques et conseils à mon endroit. Mais je n’ai pas les moyens pour me payer vos services d’horoscope.
Merci et
Bonne réception
Cyriaque
I am a wife of 30 yrs. I feel like cutting my husbands thing off for cheating on me and having another family. He lived with her and me in two different houses. we r separated now and i will always love him and i hate what he has done to r marriage. I want to kill the both of them for messing up my life. The life that my family had before all of this. maddblcakwomen
I am a wife of 30 yrs. I feel like cutting my husbands thing off for cheating on me and having another family. He lived with her and me in two different houses. we r separated now and i will always love him and i hate what he has done to r marriage. I want to kill the both of them for messing up my life. The life that my family had before all of this.
Cesar, it sounds like your wife is dealing with some insecurity. May I share my thoughts?
First off, validate her. Let your wife know that understanding her feelings is very important to you. Listen. Then share what you think you heard, what you think you understood, and allow her to clarify.
If she opens up the floor for you, or as a follow-up conversation, share your feelings with her as well — how you feel about your relationship with your ex-wife, what is/isn’t working for you, and all the same things about the woman who is your life partner.
Finally, if you find tensions have been rising, I highly recommend getting hold of Donna Eden’s book Energy Medicine, or getting her 15-minute Energy Emergency Kit video. There’s an exercise for doing lymphatic draining massage with your partner. Each of you does a light massage on the other’s back. It releases tensions, encourages communication via the relaxing touch, and enhances emotional intimacy.
Love and light to you,
Heidi
(patron of CP, not an employee)
My ex and I did not speak at all for 10 years, nor did he see our daughter. About 4 years ago my daughter started going to his house. My daughter is now 16. I called or texted him occasionally to tell about things going on with our daughter. He has drunk dialed several times telling me he knows we would still be together if he wouldn’t have made such poor choices. Then he texted me and wanted me to come see him at his house and have sex with him…in his and his pregnant fiance’s bed. I declined this proposition! Now I am the bad guy. His fiancé harassed my daughter, emotionally abuses her, via text. And my ex blocked my number and our daughters number. He is supposedly “happy” and I am single…but I am not the one causing problems. Very odd situation.
My boyfriends ex is turning his 13 yr old daughter away from him cause of her jealousy that he moved on this woman hadn’t spoke to her family in15 years has no friends and is 10 years older she wants to be a loner he didn’t … She makes the daughter feel bad for liking me and it’s crazy why can’t people move on? She’s even admitted she didn’t love him she just made cause the money’s not there !
wow my names shazy but he still calls me coraline, think its time i leave
Funny, I’ve been divorced twice. Thankfully with the first marriage, there was no kids involved. The second marriage though me and him have two kids. Since they are with his parents, it’s been interesting at times, but not bad. It does take an effort to work with everyone, to make sure the kids are happy and all that. I am currently with someone, in fact for the first time since the divorce, and he has met the kids. Their father has no problems with him, and at this time since we are only dating, he doesn’t really do much with the kids when I am with them. Me and their father still get into it, but we set a rule even before we were divorced that we would not fight in front of the kids, and that we needed to get along…even if it is for just them. So far we’ve done really good. He has been in several serious relationships and was even married once after the divorce. His current ex wife he won’t even acknowledge, let alone keep in touch with, it started and ended badly, and one of the few times I told him I didn’t like his choice. I have watched kids that have parents divorced, even now as adults you can sense the tension in their parents, if the other parent is brought up. Personally, I know you are hurt from it all…but if it’s been over a decade since the divorce, and you and the other are happily married…move on. Especially if the children involved or child has gotten use to it, and has no problems with either situation. I’ve watched those kids yell at mom’s or dad’s about how they are sick and tired of being used to hurt the other, I’ve watched them disown one parents due to choices and actions done to them growing up. I’ve also watched the ones that had their parents work on things and make sure they were still happy….it’s amazing. And aren’t the parents suppost to be the adults when it comes to this?
How your new husband or wife deals with the ex is a great example of how your relationship with him/her might fare, as well.
Easier said than done…..my husbands ex is from almost 40 years ago. In between those 40 years she was married to a guy for 24 years……he died a few years ago and SHe DROPPED HER MARRIED NAME AND STARTED USING OUR LAST NAME. There was all kinds of confusion. We are in the same business it was embarassing. People thought I was a niece or daughter………or thought our business was hers. I had to constantly explain. Also when I made my concerns known my husband ignored me or gave me some lame party line that it speaks volumes about the fact she took his name back. My husband is an egomaniac as well.
then his middle aged kids got in on the act……they were expecting us to let her hitch rides with us when we were visiting his kids and grandkids…..I finally got a spine and said NO MORE RIDES……she is rich, healthy and can hire a driver or sell her home and move closer to her daughters. Recently the ex started it again. Unfortunately one of my step daughter in laws has a critical illness……the ex started calling and expect us to drive her down to the hospital. I caved the first time……after that I interceded and told the woman I am not comfortable with a “threesome” and she needs to develop her life and find friends and perhaps a companion. She was unhappy but I said my piece……yet again. Bottom line is that I have told my husband I will not tolerate her manipulations and that of their middle aged kids. In other words “I told my husband they all better mind their own business go about their lives and keep their noses out of our relationship or I would start interfering in their private lives. Its not just young step kids that cause problems along with some exes…..its the older ones too. If anyone ever told me years ago I would have trouble with my husbands middle aged kids I would have laughed in his/her face……sigh…..
Hi there let introduce myself my name is Cesar and i would like to ask you. How do i deal with my wife when my ex wife is always calling me about the children. I just feel that all the call she makes to me are important, but my wife dosen’t like her calling. Well i feel that there should be no boundaries between my and my ex-wife when it comes to ower children. I the type of man that wants my children to know that i’m there for them when they need me. I like what you have to say about how to creat peace within the family. But do i creat peace with my wife if she can’t stand my ex-wife calling.
Geez, I wish this article was published when I met my domestic partner. It’s been 8 years of hell with his ex and her manipulation. We no longer speak to each other as of 3 yrs ago, after trying to maintain a relationship for his ‘grown children’. And even though we don’t speak, she always manages to cause problems by prodding her children, being nosy. I do feel that their eldest married son is getting a divorce partly because of my domestic partner’s ex. She gave them little privacy, was always at their house, she consistently complained about me to her daughter-in-law, who became sick and tired of hearing the ‘same old thing’ and best of all, their eldest son is a Momma’s boy. Mind you, the ex remarried two years ago after my domestic partner told her to stay out of his life. It made no difference to him; he was thrilled to finally have no contact with her. I could write a book about this, but it’s just not worth the aggravation of reliving the unsavory memories of his ex. On the flip side, I know that we succeeded in frustrating the heck out of her and that, in itself, makes me very happy.
well in the end trust your in stinks they will let you know if you should deal with it or not but I’m telling you leave.
I had a situation like this where me and the man got along great but when the ex found out about us she was stalking us …and couldn’t stop she did everything in her will to break us up and eventually she won by making me tired of the hardship she was putting us through and one that hurt me the most was the fact that he was starting to believe her and not me …I already knew from there what that was about …yes they had kids …which really I was not trying to fight over no man with a crazy woman like that …So eventually I had to let him go and you should of seen it …well me I was sooo hurt I couldn’t believe it but it was cool …I got over it then guess what …He ended emailing talking about he is single and Im like ok anddddddd ….
So what do you do when the ex-husband and his new partner are driving you crazy?
great article. for the man as well a divorce is a big hit to the ego. it is a failure of a contract, a spiritual bonding broken and a break in the nature of love.
if people could do the positive things you mentioned while married the divorce might not of happened.
it is very sad that fifty percent of people who marry in the usa get divorced. laws make it easy to untie the knot on the scared cord.
as people come back time after time from lifetime to lifetime perhaps the older the soul the more soul mates? time on earth is short. so many to love – keep moving, don’t pout, love will knock on your door again.
most important take the lessons you learned from the marriage and apply them to the next. there is a forever after person, im sure of it.
we live life moving forward we understand it looking back.
Great article and common sense, I have been the step father to two beautiful children five and eight who are now grown up mature working adults, we also semi adopted our son’s best friend at 13 who is now also grown up. I can honestly say it was heart breaking at times to see the children used by there father to cause as much upset anger and inconvenience to us as his way of dealing with his insecurities, frustration and anger at being the partner left behind as the marriage failed for him and his then wife, it took years of love and nurturing and turning the blind eye to his attempts to cause as much upset as he could. Eventually he relented as he moved on with his life, the children accepted the situation and love me dearly, all the times I could of reacted angrily or worse I bit my lip held my anger and took the venom, it was very hard, but my wife at the time always told me to remain dignified and restrained. I have gained the childrens respect and love (EARNED) it, by being the bigger person, and after all this, even the angry father has told the children what a great job I have done being there step dad! It’s tough but nothing earned is nothing gained. Mark Taylor UK. Merry Christmas and happy new year.
sounds more like my mother in law, we live with her (in her house) sure was fun trying to put down rules for our son, because she had completely diffeent ideas on how to bring up children, and hubby is her only surviving child of three pregnancies, the other two died at or soon after birth, and she’s very strongly Catholic as well where I’m pagan…..