There are times when our relationships may have become so fragile, that they need encouragement much more than they do criticism. I truly believe that these are the moments when a lie can actually save your relationship.
Can We Handle the Truth?
There is an old saying: to be a good liar, you have to have a terrific memory to remember all the lies you told, and who you told them to. For the most part, I agree with this 100 percent, and believe that you should always try to be honest, no matter how unpleasant it may be. However (I bet you knew that was coming), there are moments when the connection to our partner may not be strong enough to handle the consequence of truth.
“We’re fine”
Your relationship may be rocky, and you may need to confess your feelings to someone. However, by telling a curious member of your immediate family your problems, you could inadvertently trigger negative feelings towards your partner. When you choose to confess negative thoughts about someone, it affects the people you tell. While it may be how you feel at the moment, several days later, you might regret what you said. You don’t want to hold these feelings inside, but just be very careful with whom you share them with. A hurtful lie is often meant to offend others. A good lie can be conveyed to defend those we love, even when we may not be sure they’re deserving of our grace. Get personalized advice, contact a psychic today!
“I forgive you”
Some battles aren’t worth fighting, and if you can bring yourself to forgive and forget, you’ll help your relationship get back on track sooner. Forgiveness is rarely found within the words, but discovered after it has already been given, and you realize your partner was truly deserving of it.
“Whatever it is that is causing you stress, most likely it is there to teach you a lesson. Sometimes the truth stings a bit.” – Psychic William ext. 5131
“We’re going to make it through this”
When you’re unsure about an outcome, sometimes it’s better to push yourself over to the side of the glass is half full, rather than pouring out what little hope you have left by admitting reluctance. Statistically speaking, about one out of every three marriages will fail. Studies show that somewhere around 80 percent of those failures could have been turned around, had those couples given each other enough time and attention to find a solution (or forgiveness). Your odds of success increase when you allow your optimism to precede your doubts. Sometimes you must embellish the truth before you can actually believe in an alternative ending to your love story.
“I’m fine”
A lot of problems in relationships could be avoided if we just gave ourselves enough time to think them through. It’s human nature to experience a buildup of emotions that can explode into a fury of words that may feel justified then, but regretful later. Don’t hold your feelings in, but do give yourself enough time to think them through before deciding to open a can of worms. Feelings can be misleading when you shoot from the hip.
“Not everything about being human is easy or even nice. We are made to endure, and sometimes even be the cause of, difficulty and hardship.” – Psychic Reed ext. 5105
“You’re doing great”
Sometimes delusional confidence can bring out the best in ourselves and other people. What if we were to tell the complete truth, and nothing but the truth all the time? Many of us might lose the confidence to reach our aspirations. Sometimes we need a little undue praise to push us to do what’s necessary to find our way to deserving it. A hurtful lie is about deceiving others. A good lie is about perceiving the potential in our partner, and giving them the encouragement they need to fulfill it. Occasionally, constructive criticism may be more useful than praise. In these cases, it will be beneficial to precede every critique with a sincere compliment.
It may be frightening to think that statistics show the earlier our children learn to lie, the better their chances are at being successful in their career and relationships. Another way to look at this is that we construct our truth every day by how we choose to take in information, and perceive our experiences. We also choose how we are perceived by others by what we decide to share with them. It isn’t always about telling the truth (as you see it), but acting on good faith that your grace will reward others with the insight of what they’re capable of. In this way, a good lie can be self-fulfilling. Remember, however, that “(even) good lies need a leavening of truth to make them palatable” (William McIlvanney).
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17 thoughts on “5 Lies to Save Your Relationship”
I question if a relationship can be saved or last when a man is getting bettter sex somewhere else even if he loves his wife or girl friend for emotional attention where sexual skill is lacking!
i am not really good in lying cuz i only have a short memory lol. But i like the article, it defines between a good lie and a hurt lie. So not all lies are bad at all, cuz we need a good lie sometimes to ease and comfort someone’s heart.
Optimism is always a good thing–whether the thing one is optimistic about is obvious or not. You’re right about the importance of recognizing and encouraging the potential in any situation. The difficulty for me has always been in knowing when the potential has run its course and is no longer present, but many people have the opposite problem and it is for them that this article gives helpful advice. The term “lies” may be counterproductive because it invokes an immediate bias, but several people have indicated that they understand the spirit in which you use the word. Great article!
I rarely read these article through but I had to with this one..It was very insightful..
This article has some great thoughts in it. The word “lie” here is not meant so literally. The points made could be restated this way:
1. Find a nice way to tell them it’s none of their business; don’t invite others to meddle in your relationship.
2. It’s hard to say you’re sorry when it’s not all your fault, but it will bond you closer together to take responsibility once in a while, so fake it til you make it. (Not if the other person is pressuring you to do it; know your boundaries.)
3. True love is a marathon, not a sprint. Start thinking and talking about splitting up too soon, and you could manifest it. What would you do if you took the option of splitting up off the table? Most problems look much smaller when you look back on them years later. How many times have you forgotten what you argued about, days or even hours later? Learn to take that perspective in the moment.
4. Occasionally the situation is so clear that a strong spontaneous response is necessary. But in most cases, giving yourself time to think of a creative response, rather than reacting out of anger or fear, is more likely to get the results you want.
5. If you want to train a pigeon to push a lever, you reward it in progressive steps. At first you’re happy if it just looks at the lever. People also learn in baby steps. Recognize and reward them.
I’m a big believer in honesty being the best policy ( for the most part ) and i always have been – however, there are times when a ” white lie ” is called for, when your telling of it has the potential to harm nobody but yourself and can make someone else feel good about a particular situation [ or at least ‘ not as bad ‘ ] without giving them delusions of granduer. but i caution : you can lose control of your lies, and little by little your white lies are turning into bigger & uneccessary lies and you slowly but surely lose your credibility with people.
The article was very well written, though I am one who feels lying under any circumstances, even for the “good” of “saving” a relationship is not realistic, and is very damaging – much like putting a Band Aid on a wound that needs stitches. All lies, for whatever the intention, will at some point become known, and what a lie shows is that for whatever reason, integrity and courage are compromised. Very few people would tolerate being in any relationship in which they were lied to, and even finding things out down the road will be damaging to whatever growth or progress ocurred along the way. Honesty is always better. My take is that people lie for their own benefits – whether it’s the easy way out of a situation, or to keep big decisions at bay until *they* are ready to face them… just my opinion. Lies have more to do with the person telling them, than those they will hurt. The truth is always the higher road to take, and there’s no such thing as escaping karma and universal balance… sooner or later, everything we do catches up to us.
This was a very helpful article. I’m a firm believer in living your truth and yet:
living your truth and knowing when, when not, and with whom to share that truth is important.
Love & Light!
~Chloe (ext: 9421)
keeping your life activities secret is close to lying and almost worse as it causes comstant suspicion and leads others to imagin the worst of you vs. the best, especially the one who has the greatest concern about whether your hidden actions result in cheating or other mischief.
this is not true they eventually find out and their heart wil be broken and they won’t believe anything you say again
Oh, how I agree! Sometimes the “I-always-tell-the-truth” people proudly give themselves the right to hurt others. A case in point: a friend would always proudly point out my errors as I was learning a new piece on the piano (as if I didn’t know) to show how good his ear was….save us from these truthsayers….
There is no good or small lie. If you feel someone can not deal with the truth, say nothing or table the discussion until a later date. Any lie does and will create trust issues for the future of a relationship. The TRUTH is ALWAYS the best policy. This is just my opinion
wow the s- yall wright about its like no one has a life well i do and this aint important bcuz no liing is never good with lies there no trust bcuz then u cant trust what they say to u for fear it may be a lie im only 17 and i know this damn
Good article….it’s important to know when to encourage, when to offer constructive criticsim….and when NOT to ‘ put your business in the street ‘ where family and friends are concerned.
Hi Eric:
I very much enjoyed your article on five lies to save your relationship. I agree that it is best to be truthful with your partner, however I also agree that there are times when a “little white lie” is better than the truth, as in the instances you have outlined in your letter. I have made the mistake before of telling someone close to me problems I have had with a partner, only to regret it afterwards. I have also been on the receiving end of criticism that did not help me but rather made me feel rejected and insecure about myself.
In my opinion there are times when “some things are better left unsaid”. As my father used to say, “If you cannot find something good to say, say nothing”. Encouragement and thinking before you speak can go a long way in a relationship. The rule of thumb might be, how would you feel if you were on the receiving end of a negative comment from your partner, or how would you feeel if you found out that your personal disagreement with your partner was shared with others. After all this is the person that you are supposed to love, therefore you should treat them with the same love respect and support that you would like to receive.
Sign me, been there, done that.
really like this article.
sometimes a lie is like medicine. it taste nasty but in the end you (and the other person) feel better and are able to move forward.
and as the old saying goes “what don’t come out in the washer comes out in the dryer”
by then everything is clean and put away.
and guys remember a girl never looks fat in her jeans!
The 80% “statistic” of marriages could have been saved if the couples had given it more time and attention is an outright lie. Please stop repeating it.