If your partner is sending you mixed signals and seems to be hiding you when you’re around their friends, it could be that they’re ashamed of you. Take a step back to re-evaluate your relationship. Is it really about you or are they perhaps a very good player.
Tracy from South Africa asks:
I often read your columns and find your advice and honesty most rewarding. I recently broke off a relationship with a Taurean, because I felt like he was somewhat ashamed of me (I am a Scorpio). For example, when we are out watching a game, there is no physical contact what-so-ever. That was the deal. He didn’t want people to know, because his ex likes to make issues about everything. He did say he can’t offer more than that, but I don’t think I am prepared to go on like this. And, yes, I love him very much, but I can’t be something I’m not. I mean, I have to switch off my affection towards him in company. Like I said, I knew upfront what I was getting into, so I can’t really blame him. Sadder still is that we have a great connection, emotionally, soul, mentally and physically, but sometimes things are maybe not meant to be. How can I move on and start to heal, or is there any hope of fixing this relationship?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Dear Tracy,
I really wish that what I want to tell you and what I have to tell you were closer to being on the same page. Unfortunately, the best I can do is express my heartfelt apologies, and warn you to brace yourself for what you are about to read…
You have a sweetness and a purity about you that anyone with any level of intuition whatsoever can pick up on inside of five minutes. Your Taurus has more than a glimmer of intuition, and his IQ is also a couple of points higher than the norm, as well. When you combine his intuition, IQ, and personality—what you end up with is one heck of a player.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that he is this horrible person, with a different girl at every crossroads he passes, because that’s not him or his style. He’s this weird dichotomy of typical Taurean down-to-earthiness and honesty mixed with a love for what is basically psychological and emotional strategy and warfare. You fell for him. Most would have. Heck, most do.
The thing about this man that makes him so “real,” so tangible, is that he actually doesn’t lie. He has a gifted ability to swirl truth and manipulation into a very concise line of believability. He wanted you to fall for him. He wanted you to help him, to be open with him, to take things to a deeper level. For you, it’s this very real connection. For him, it’s an exercise of his talents and abilities. I know that sounds horrible. Ruthless, even. But, he’s an “unintentional” a-hole, because he holds no malice; he has no desire to cause you heartache or pain, just a complete lack of comprehension or consideration for your feelings and reactions to his actions.
He was never ashamed of you. He actually wouldn’t be seen with anyone that caused him shame or second thoughts. His reluctance of openness or public affection was strategic—he was never actually your boyfriend. While there were plans made and dreams discussed, there were never any promises from him. Not because he didn’t care, or because of any lack of attraction, but simply because his intentions were never long-term. He would give you just enough; just enough to keep you trying to move things forward. Anytime you would question him or the relationship, he would shut down and back away, leaving you with some head-spinning explanation that somehow made you think you pushed, or disrespected his boundaries. There have been lots of signs and warnings throughout this relationship, but someone like you—who loves deeply and truly—is more likely than not to dismiss them or explain them away. It’s part of why he chose you.
Tracy, you really only have one course of action: Let Go. You’ll never have the kind of relationship you want with this man. You don’t even have the type of relationship with him that he led you to believe you had. His choices and issues run too deep for you to fix. Let go, and do what you can to work through the betrayal and pain. He doesn’t deserve you now, and when you’re able to look back with clarity—you’ll understand that he never did.
I’m so sorry.
Brightest Blessings,
Red
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8 thoughts on “Red Responds: Are They Ashamed of Me?”
This strikes home in an odd way, because I’m a female Taurus in the same position as your male Taurus, and the man I’m (unintentionally) tearing apart is a Virgo. I love him to bits, but when we stopped being good for each other I started trying to end the relationship. It’s been almost a year now, and the relationship is still dragging on because we can’t agree on the terms. My idea was to end things while we retained some good feelings for one another, and possibly consider taking up again later when I’ve gotten control over myself. In his mind, if we have good feelings for each other at all we’re still together, and if it ends it’s over forever and we irrevocably hate each other. Tracy, thank you for helping me to glimpse his perspective, and Red, thank you for helping me see how unfortunately ruthless I really am being.
I recently learned the magickal value of severing connections that no longer serve, but am having trouble putting what I learned into practice. Actually, I have no real problem with severing connections, or with renewing them when appropriate, but he does. I hold myself responsible for our current dilemma because when we met I wanted to see him develop a healthier attitude toward his ex-wife, and he ended up replacing her with me. I knew it was dangerous, but I allowed it because I never imagined being in a position to hurt him; now I wonder if I could have done things differently. Tracy, whether your man intentionally misled you or not, I agree with Red that it’s best to let go. He’ll recover, and if you allow yourself to heal you will too. Best wishes!
–wendy
I too had a similar experience. Though I’m the Taurus women, who had the great misfortune of becoming completely & deeply in love & enamored with a Leo man. Those big flaming red flags, waving so brightly before my eyes obscured my vision. And that made it much easier to explain away his complete disregard for my feelings, poor behaviors & my subsequent reactions. While this & more is so clear in retrospect, throughout the entirety of the situation, my intuition ultimately saved me. I’d never been in such a position before, but deep down I knew it was wrong. My instincts told me that not only did I deserve better, but that this was emotional abuse. Whew, I made it through & learned some very valuable lessons. And today can say that I’m a much stronger person for it. I know my worth, have a much clearer vision of what I want, and can spot those flags from a mile away. Thanks Tom. For I can truly say that I learned from the best of the worst.
Red bulls-eyes it again!
Tracy–honey–his behavior, his issues; they’re not yours. Don’t cope with them any longer. You are worth so much more. And you will have it later this year. It’s time for you to expect better treatment, better kind of love, better everything. This guy isn’t worthy of your time, your energy. Let it all go. How he treats you he treats others. If he does it to you, he’ll do it to them. No difference. It’s what he does, who he is. Time to say goodbye.
I’ve seen this same behavior in other Venus ruled men. Don’t blame yourself. You are great. No one should be made to feel they must be perfect to receive love. That’s absurd. He certainly isn’t perfect, is he?
So long Taurus–hello, hello, Cancerean sweetie . . . summer lovin’ summer walks in the summer breezes. I’m happy for you! You’ve earned it. Think about issues of self respect and what the relationship with the Taurus man taught you about that.
Blessings,
Fiona.
This is the second time I have read your column and I found your advice very honest and I find you very empathetic and tell it the way it is. I wrote you once and ask you about my situation if my relationship now would work or should I just let it go. It seems like he does not find time to spend with me and always working. I have been very patient and I don’t know how much longer I can do this. PLease I need your advice. HE is a Capricorn Dec 28 is his b-day.
one who is ashame of u is not worthy of your love
Wow I think I also met this man..a month ago..not really but one so like the one you describe, thank you for the insight..He is good..like the one she ran into..and been with..
I sure wish I had gotten this kind of response in my readings. I would have let go a lot sooner and been spared so much pain. Finally, an honest reading and no fairytale ending. Very refreshing.
I looked forward to the daily inspirational quotes you had. Why did they stop that?