Break Up for Good

Rubber band relationships are when you keep breaking up and getting back together. Why do we keep doing this? Figure it out, commit or leave for good.

The Rubber Band Relationship: Take the Sting Outta the Snap

Most of us have been there… at least once, likely (too) many, many times. Rubber band relationships are those that are like a boomerang – you throw it out, and it inevitably comes back… and back again.

Everything seems to follow a pattern – the fights, breakups, makeups, and same old problems. Nothing ever changes. We know it sucks, yet, we let it back. So what gives?

My theory is multifaceted and includes lots of parts and dynamics, but can be simplified like this:

1. It’s Us

To expound, we are attracting and creating a particular dynamic that reflects something we need to learn, grow, and evolve as a person. At some level we know this, which allows us to play a part in the rubber band cycle. We are refusing to acknowledge something about ourselves at some level that needs transformation. We don’t get it, so we keep banging our heads against the wall, unfortunately, expecting a different (elusive) result. Get personalized advice, contact a psychic today!

2. It’s Them

The other person in the rubber band cycle is in the same boat we are. He or she is attracting us, our baggage, the same situation and is not learning, or getting what they’re supposed to, out of the relationship. Round two… three, etc.

Beyond the initial core dynamics of the players, the parts can be broken down further into the categories of either making peace with the relationship and staying with it or releasing it (and the person), fully and finally letting it go so that you can move forward.

The question then becomes a matter of determining what the purpose of the relationship is in your life. Are you maintaining this relationship to avoid feeling alone, worthless, rejected, or like a relationship failure in your eyes, or those of others? Status, financial or material reasons? Or, are you returning to the relationship because you have a sense of positive purpose and/or reason in it for both of you?

A Few Questions for Your Clarity:

• How are things when you are together? Is it really good when it’s good or just really bad, in general?
• Do you accept the person the way s/he is, or do you find yourself always want to change something?
• Are you a better or worse person together or apart? Why?
• Where do you see the relationship a year, two years and five years down the road?

The bottom line is: everyone in our lives plays a part and purpose in our growth. However, we have free will and infinite choices when it comes to creating opportunities and relationships for the purpose of growth and experience. Often, we fight or rebel against others in our lives, because there’s a part of us we don’t want to face. For instance, I may fear intimacy or have rejection issues. So I nitpick my partner, make mountains out of molehills and we always argue. Or, perhaps I have a guilty conscience or insecurity issues and always accuse him of lying, cheating, etc. Before we can look outward, we have to look within first to find our footing in the spot we find ourselves in.

Ask yourself what is the purpose of this relationship, this person in your life. Are you being an objective, fair, and honest participant? Why are you creating this situation for yourself? What are you trying to avoid? There are no easy answers; however, purpose permeates every experience we have.

For those of us smack in the middle of rubber band relationships, we first have to cultivate awareness as to the why’s and purpose of what we’ve created and continue to maintain. Following, we have to make peace with whatever answers we uncover. Third, we have to make a choice either to make peace and commit, or fully release and let go. The future is defined by free will, and free will always comes from purpose. What is yours?

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