A reader wonders why his energetic and excited relationship advances are turning off his intended target. Liam offers insight into why he might be coming across as creepy or needy.
Christopher from Mushin asks:
There is a girl I came across at my workplace. After a long eye contact, I gave her a love card with my phone number, and she was very excited and happy about it. But as I’m trying to pour out my heart to her to show her how much I care. She started showing indifference and was less concerned about my calls to her. Please, I need help, since this is what usually happens to me whenever I approach a girl I care for.
Liam’s Response:
Greetings, Christopher, and thank you so much for this interesting inquiry. As I make my foray into the cinema which is your life experience, I find you to be a sincere and well-meaning fellow. One with many attributes a lady might find admirable. However, in order for any lady to discover these things about you, you have to let her get to know you. And this appears to be where we hit the proverbial stumbling block. The fact is, Christopher, you’re creeping women out long before they get the chance to understand who you are.
The problem, first and foremost, is that your approach is far too direct. In the situation you described, you came at this poor woman very aggressively making overt romantic gestures; which is fine if one is courting a partner purely for sexual purposes. In that case, acts of dominance punctuated by a grand romantic flourish will work very well. You, however, are not conducting an operation of mere physical seduction. You’re looking for a long-term companion. And your initial approach is much too forward. You rushed headlong into a passionate courtship… declaring love and the deepest of emotions… and you terrified the poor girl with your antics. Why? Because you don’t know her. You never cultivated an acquaintance, let alone a friendship with this woman. Of course she had to wonder just who you were claiming to care so much for. To her it appears you are far more in love with the idea of being in love than you are with her. Not only that, but your falling so easily for her then begs the question just how many girls do you fall so passionately in love with? You mention other occasions where you’ve had this same problem. Women can be very practical when it comes to this sort of thing, my friend. The smart ones know when a man’s ardor is too hot to have any substance or be sustained for long.
If you’re serious about finding a real love, based on real admiration for a real person, you’re going to have to change and start putting the lady before the romance. Make it a priority to know her for who she is long before you ask her out. Find out about her family, her friends, her interests, her hopes and dreams before you submit to her one of those daring love cards. Your best bet is to find a female friend who can mentor you in women’s ways. Someone older, or simply worldlier, with whom there is no chance of you having any kind of romance. Ask this woman to help you understand what women want, how they think and that sort of thing. Don’t be shy in asking. Women love to mentor men. They love to teach, and are generally very good at it. And next time you set your sights on a love interest, go slow, cultivating real friendship first. The lady will let you know when you can start to move faster. Just remember, men pursue… the ladies decide the pace.
Liam
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15 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Stop Creeping Women Out”
dont be too direct ease it onto her
I think it depends on the woman. The card is a little too direct if you haven’t even gone out on at least a few dates. I don’t think what Liam said was right about making aggressive overt romantic gestures is okay if you’re only looking for sexual purposes. Romantic gestures should only be in engaging true love. Romance has to deal with love not lust and engaging in romantic gestures for the purpose of having sex is not advisable. Plus in doing so you can send the wrong message that way. You really have to ask yourself what it is you’re looking for and have the patience to sometimes wait to get to know someone especially in the work place better. It’s like I said it all depends on the woman, some may love it and others may be creeped out by it. Have fun with her by a little flirting and maybe get lunch together. In doing so she’ll open herself up more and let you know about herself. I’ve been there myself and trust me, you just have to have a little more patience when getting to know someone.
Being in sales, you learn that people have a space around them that is a bubble, it is not to be engaged with without being invited in! Sometimes maybe people are so keen to do or say what they need too that they forget! It’s like opening a door to a friends house even if you knocked first, respect that space and respect the feedback, be aware and always consider your actions ! Great article. I would be mortified if some one thought I was coming on to strong, as they say engage brain before actions!
Hail and Well Met, Sir Liam,
Great response !!!!
AND….I have to say……. that any man coming on that strong, that quick, would make me back off, with much caution, too.
Blessed Be )O(
Gina Rose ext.9500
Excellent advice, Liam. Christopher sounded desperate. I am 57 and single. If I meet a new woman, I pretty much lay back and simply listen………no expectations…….just learning about who I’m with.
Good advise , slow and easy , not too aggressive and you will have a more harmonious out come young man
Yet another reason you “rock,” Liam. Hopefully the ardent — yet sincere — gentleman will take heed in order to move forward.
Christopher – you probably have good intentions, but your’e being a little too aggresive and like Liam alluded to you’re dooming the relationship before it really begins, i experienced almost the same thing [ it was actually the opposite, but the principle was the same ] with a woman 20 years my junior and ( i’m fairly certain unnatached ) was i attracted to her ? Of course i was, ( who wouldn’t be ? ) but i was also married so NOTHING of a sexual nature would have happened – and i’m sure i don’t need to explain why, but she probably thought my only goal was to nail her, and no women want’s to be thought of that way. I’m not saying you need to ” chick yourself out ” in order to understand them but you could stand to get an older womans advice & perspective.
Awesome advice Liam, Iv’e inquired that exp with several men & it creeped me out also! if I really liked them & understood that they were genuine & didn’t mean any harm I would share my feelings with them & give them a chance anyway if they were willing to back off a bit & go easy. If not then I would start to back away. Not every woman is that considerate though!
L.
I am psychic……………really psycjic and would love to work for your team ……how can i ???
Plus i have a lot of psychologie…………….which you need with people……………..
Thank You very kindly for your answer…
Brigitte.
You say men pursue.
I don’t see that. With online dating every guy I have talked to has said the ladies talked to them first. What gives?
Jennifer
why am I reciving guy advice when I am a woman?
How true! Once, the morning after a dinner date, I found flowers on my stoop. It creeped me out to think that he was there stealthily the next morning. It was much too much.
Very True! I’ve had a couple of guys do this and my thoughts were-how can you be in love with me after a few days? You don’t even know me!! It makes me wonder how many other women he’s fallen madly in love with! Creepy!
Hello Liam: I enjoyed reading your message. Learning the specifics that you listed, was very helpful for me. Most gratefully,
Edmund Young