Sex Q&A: Be Sexually Radical or Wait for “The One”?

How Open Should You Be?

Sasha from New York, New York asks:

Dear Liam,

I’ve always referred to your wisdom when I needed some clarity on the whole women – men dilemma. Hope you can help me with the following question. All my life I’ve been pretty much sexually radical. I have had a number of partners, even friends with benefits, and very often “acted” like a man. However, once I turned 30, I came more into my own, and started seeing and feeling about my body as if it were a temple which should only be opened to a special few. No matter how turned on I might feel (which happens to me quiet often), I definitely can control myself now and withhold from having a sexual relationship. I just feel that I only want to share my body with someone I see as a lifetime partner. This is quite unlike me, and even my friends are surprised, as I’ve always been known as a sex goddess in my circles. It surprises me too, and considering that I love sex so much, I’m well aware that I might not have it for a long time if I wait for the “one and only” connection. Even then, how will I know that this is it? What should I do, Liam? Should I go back to being sexually radical or hold on to my newly developed self-worth and wait for the life partner?

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, Sasha. On the surface your query appears to come from a thoroughly modern dilemma, but in actuality the subtext is rife with very ancient philosophical and spiritual conflict. The question itself seems to be based on certain erroneous assumptions that have led you into a realm of contention between the idea of what you think you should be and your own true nature. First, I take exception to your description of your more liberal and sexual behavior in the past as you acting “like a man.” Science has shown time and again that women are just as hard-wired for so-called promiscuity as men and are, in fact, physically more able to accommodate multiple partners. Sexual monogamy has never been a natural state for either gender. You’re buying into a close-minded stereotype sold to you by patriarchal theologies that want to control your urges, your desires, your genetics, and above all, your sense of spirituality.

Once highly respected women conducted sacred rites in honor of the primordial Goddess who went by many names and existed in all cultures. These priestesses were sacred harlots, healers and sorceresses. Some were mated solely to select priests on select occasions, but most of the priestesses held the position of temple prostitute, meaning that in order to honor their Goddess, they mated with any man who could pay the temple fee. When doing so, they took the role of Goddess incarnate who united in love with the males of Her kingdom in order to heal and teach them. This role was one of the most hallowed in the old world. It was performed in submission, in humility, and in the knowledge that such an act of love was homage to the mother Herself. The priestesses of old considered their promiscuity as sacred then as modern monks and nuns consider their abstinence today. In their perception, all sex was holy, no matter who it was performed with, because every person was a child of the Gods. Your idea of your body as a temple that should open only for a select few, would to their minds be a dishonor of yourself and a devaluing of all those who once shared pleasure with you.

It comes down to perception, Sasha, as everything eventually does. If you can only see God in one or two “special” people, then keep holding out for that magical one. Very likely, he will never show up and you’ll just fall into a cycle of serial monogamy. Or go back to being yourself and ignore the babbling masses who want to tell you what is right and what is wrong and what is holy and what is not. Sex is a sacrament. Sex is magick. But to understand that mystery at all, you have to understand the secret of Namaste. Deity exists in everyone, therefore sex with anyone is sex with a God or a Goddess and all of it is sacred.

Liam

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