Communicating with men may seem more difficult than it should be. Address his fear of getting in trouble for the truth, being called girly and more!
Getting Through Your Man’s Wall
It doesn’t take much to take the wind out of any guy, causing him to clam up and refuse to share his feelings. Many women choose to strong arm this resistance, demanding that he open up. However, the more tactful your technique, the more likely you are to break through his stone wall. Here are four reasons why guys say nothing, and what you can do about it:
Clammy Sammy
Some guys clam up simply because they’re afraid of the repercussions of telling the truth. Most guys have experienced opening up about a touchy subject, then being thrown in the dog house. In these cases, they feel that it is better to say nothing, and live to say something wrong another day.
What to Do?
Think of your guy as a trained iguana. When you want him to do something, you don’t bop him on the head until he finally reacts how you want; you coerce him by rewarding accordingly. Don’t punish a man for clamming up and not giving you what you want. Remind him about the importance of honesty in your relationship. This gives him a positive scenario to look forward to in the future. He knows that he may not be able to confess without repercussion. However, he will keep it in mind for the future. You may not be victorious in every battle, but you will win the war if you pave the road with positive experiences.
Drippy Dave
Guys are emotional geysers because they don’t feel comfortable expressing feelings. What you are actually seeing when a guy clams up, is the fear of showing too much emotion (love), and being labeled a girly-man. Women are great communicators, and quickly learn that guys communicate via practical solutions. Women figure the quickest route to relationship difficulties is to tell him what to do to make things better for her (“Quit staying late at the office.”). However, this does little in the way of getting a guy to understand the feeling behind the request. In other words, it just sounds like nagging.
What to Do?
Instead, tell him how his actions are making you feel (“I feel like you don’t want to see me.”), and let him sort through his own feelings to find a solution. This teaches a guy to feel his way through a relationship problem, using his emotions as guidance. In time, he will open up, without fear of being labeled a Drippy Dave. Want to better understand your partner?
Hangdog Hank
Men are terrible at opening up about the things they are embarrassed or fearful of. To a man, this is like shedding his armor, and showing weakness. When a man is quiet, he may be going over a fear or concern in his mind, trying to find a logical solution. He doesn’t want to include you in his thinking, as he knows it will either worry you, or cause you to lose confidence in his ability to take care of you.
What to Do?
Men need faith. This can be as simple as showing you know that whatever he is going through, he will make the best decision, and you are there for him if he needs you. Rather than scolding him for not talking, he is given the freedom to work through his problem without feeling pushed. During these moments of solitude a man considers taking a chance and expressing his fears and frustrations. He now understands that you will not see him as weak, as you have expressed confidence in him.
Brooding Brian
Brooding is a man’s way of taking one problem on at a time. Guys are terrible at multitasking when it comes to difficult situations, because they let their problems become all consuming—affecting every aspect of their lives. Women assume that brooding in her presence means that she must have something to do with it.
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What to Do?
Brooding is one of those moments where it’s best to do nothing, and let your guy work out his own situation. If he doesn’t want to talk, give him space. He will come to you when he is ready. By pressing the issue, you will only agitate his thinking, and he will see you as working against his process to find a solution. This can cause harsh feeling from both sides. Never assume anything when it comes to men.
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7 thoughts on “What to Do When He Says Nothing”
Agree with you, Gina Rose. Indeed very good advice from Eric. When do we, women, brood then and have our guys reach out to us? Right, Mags?!
I find that us as women have are heart on our sleve and men have in on there private areas. When it comes down to talk men say we talk to much but at the end they want us to talk. How confussing they can be, and they say we are. I have watched to many men come and try to change women to fit them and then tell them (women) you have changed, well what made you to come to us in the first place was what? I feel men should find themself first and then try to have a relationship with us. I have been married for 12 years, no children and refuse to have any with this person because he is a child. always crying and pissed off at the world for what. I fell he does not know how to love or he is loving something eles but no matter what I as a woman refuss to change for him. I am a very loving person and want to have children, but to put a child through what I have gone throw would not be fair to the child. Dont get me wrong, he has his good points but, this one is gettting ready to go back to the pond I fished him out of….my fault because after 2 failed marrage in his basket, I know you can not teach an old dog new tricks.
LOOK GUY’S men are form MARS and WOMEN are from VENUS !! We are thank god fundantally different that’s why we are attracted to eachother, if ladies wish men to be like there friends ( WOMEN) then be a lesbian! YOU CANNOT HAVE IT ALL!! A women with a mans body is not attractive to everybody!!! I am at times frustrated with the famale mind however I am glad we are different and enjoy the thrill of learning and adapting to the female mind!
Great advice, Eric !!!!!
After reading this though,…..LOL LOL, I wonder how men managed to rule the world for so long….there must have been a some good women behind them along the way…..LOL
Thanks Eric, this is exactly the sort of article that I needed! I’m giving my man space to sort out his problems, but it’s so hard sometimes because I haven’t heard from him in months. My psychic friends assure me that he’ll be back. I want to gently encourage him to open up to me and that he’ll be safe to do so. I’ll use the info in your article the next time I write him a note!
Thank you for your great advice. I can see were this is so true like you were right there with me. My heart is just so heavey from all the silance saying one thing an doing another. How can you say you love someone and want to be with them an never there for them. No sex no holding, kissing, or even saying I Love You. Just always silance like his holding in all his secrets, and its ok as long as you don’t know. NOT it hurts us too! An besides there is usually a bad side to it anyway. What if he never opens up? You still have not fixed anything. Some men don’t cater to his women anyway, they dont care if you ever no what the problem is or the answers. Which just makes it worse. I guess thats were you split up and go separate ways. In my case kids are involved and it has everything to do with it. He truly loves them and wants to be in there lives. He makes me miserable just to make them happy. I feel he doesn’t really love me just care about me because I’m his kids mom and he wants me there to help take care of them, like a sitter. Thx for the advice.
why should we women always have to accept how men are,why can not these men accept us as we are too…is it only our attitudes that matters when it comes to a relationship to a man to keep them with us?both are different people so both have to accept the reality that both has to work very much to gain each others love,respect and acceptance…if a man is that diffficult then he must accept its consequences….life is not ment to be easier for men than for women..