Sex Q&A: Why Isn’t My Guy Having an Orgasm?

While exiting one relationship, she starts another with a guy who doesn’t climax or orgasm during sex. Is it her fault or the old relationship?

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Cynthia’s Question:

I recently started dating a man who approached me at the gas station. He is a very kind person, handsome, and really turns me on! I’m a Scorpio and I’ve always wanted to date a Taurus like he is. I’m currently going through a divorce from an emotionally abusive husband. It will be final later this month. I really like this man so I was honest with him but did not want to not continue to get to know him. When we had sex he did not climax. I asked him if he could and would he please, and he said he could if he wanted to but for me to bare with him so I left him alone. What concerns me is that this was the second time this happened. I’m not sure if it has to do with my ex, or me? I would love your insights…

Liam’s Response:

Hello, Cynthia, and thank you for this excellent inquiry. You’re at a very vulnerable place in your life just now, and as you’ve been in a state of repressed sexual tension for some time, there are perhaps some blind spots you’re encountering as you move along. Your soon-to-be ex husband did you no favors, stifling your creative expression, and your decision to end that relationship will one day be hailed as the finest turning point of your existence. Now that you’ve found a new fellow it’s not at all surprising that you might be a bit confused on a few matters. We can easily clear things up.

First of all, male sexuality involves a very precise interplay of dynamics and actions within the autonomic nervous system. For an erection to be achieved, there must be an emphasis on parasympathetic function—a relaxed sort of yin vibration. But for climax, the sympathetic aspect of the nervous system must be triggered, and that’s a much more yang-centered aggressive type of energy. A trigger effect switches things from one state of emphasis to another and this can get pretty tricky for some people. Lots of things can affect that trigger, like anti-depressant medications, general stress, depression, performance anxiety and good old fashioned aging. So what’s going on with your fellow is not at all uncommon. Nor is his inability to reach orgasm an indication of a lack of desire for you. If that were the case, he’d probably not be in the bedroom with you in the first place. I feel that this man is suffering from performance anxiety. He wants to please you to such an extent, that somehow he’s messing up the natural flow of things inside his own body. However, that’s just one factor. Even with performance anxiety, a healthy male should not have trouble ejaculating. Something else is wrong. It could be poor physical health, poor emotional health or both. You can’t do much about those things really, save to kindly and gently suggest he see a doctor. But you can help him with the general stress he has about being in bed with you by not making a big deal out of it. Just enjoy this new relationship and have fun. And quit worrying about your own sexual abilities. You’re a natural, as most Scorpios are.

Liam

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