Self-Esteem: The High and Low of It

Getting a Handle on the Issues That Plague You

Little demons that haunt our minds and cause us to act as if we are maybe a little crazy seem to be popping up more and more. There is a trend going on that I blame mostly on the astrological cosmology when I can. I thank goodness for those Mercury retrogrades, and when the moon is void of course or there is an eclipses or the change of the seasons or the changes of the sun signs. Boy, that is quite a bit of stuff allowing me to explain away the drama and suffering, issues and problems that life even on a good day seems to shove into our awake and sleep time. I could get into transits and aspects of the planets, but hey, I have to take a deep breath here as I ponder through the experiences of insecurity and doubt that my second marriage has produced.

After making a connection with my ex-husband, I had a week of nightmares. Finally, after hours of meditation, chanting and praying I banished the evil little demon from my awareness in my dream state. It has been twenty years since I divorced that husband and I have been happy in my current marriage now for over seven years. Why the heck are the demons of the past haunting me – well, I let them. I should have known better than to let him in again; my blogging, however, gives me a place where I can send out to friends what is going on with me and my work, or I should just say “I love to show off.” I get to write – those who know me, know this is one of my favorite things to do, so without much thought I sent my ex one of my blog articles and he responded. This set me into a tailspin.

As I ponder the events that caused me discomfort, along with talking to my psychic friend and my friend who is a doctor of psychology, I was able to understand that the dirt I swept under the rug twenty years ago needs to come out and get cleaned away. One thing I want to mention, both of my friends came from different vantage points, yet lead to the same conclusion. Thank goodness, neither confirmed I was crazy.

Insecurity – the demon. Having a person in your life that does not make you feel safe is heart aching within itself. We wait for the phone to ring, the door to open, the validation, I repeat, “the validation.” When your partner tells you that you’re wrong and creates doubt in your mind about the things you do, it can cause one to feel very insecure.

Low self-esteem – the demon. The feeling of not deserving goodness, this little bugger takes work to get out of your realm of thinking. It took time to instill and it takes time to exercise it away. Making a list of all the low points you think about yourself and then changing them into positive points helps to start the process of raising your self-esteem.

I have discovered that the negative feelings that invade my life are old thought patterns that were stuck under my rug and that there is actually nothing wrong in the moment. There are things going on in the universe that are causing discomfort and are out of my control. Looking at the big picture, a term I learned in driving class is one I was reminded of by my psychic. In that, I have to look at the big picture to see that I am okay – the need to trust my process of faith and more than anything else, the need to let go of false fears in order to keep going day to day. One of my favorite quotes is “live in the moment and think positive,” which is still a work in progress.