Annoying Guy Behavior Explained

WHY is He Doing That?

We’ve talked about annoying guy habits before, including his passive-aggressive, messy, friend-hating, and promise-breaking ways. However, for this issue, I wanted to get to a couple of those “especially annoying” behaviors that seem to drive most women up the wall, straight over the roof, and through the door of a liquor store a couple of blocks away. To accomplish this, I went to a bar, a beauty shop, a tea house, stopped over at good old mom’s, and had a couple chat sessions with several of my favorite women’s forums. From the irksome to the terrifying, these were the worst behaviors reported.

“Why does he have selective memory/listening?”

It’s true. Unless it has an explosion, burp, bright light, or tassel spinning on the end of it, we’re probably only going to give it a quarter to three-quarters of our undivided attention.

“Why does he say it will take 15 minutes when he knows it will be more like an hour? Or two?”

This is one of those grand ideas us guys have cooked up, which keeps women happy for at least, I don’t know, about 15 or 20 minutes. After that, it only irks them more. However, we still feel accomplished as we only wanted to avoid that initial fight. The problem is, I am pretty sure that this is the soul cause of those bigger arguments that occur after we emerge several hours later.

“Why does he zone out while I am talking to him about something important?”

I think a lot of guys suffer from occasional ADD, which is brought on by the mention of chores, shopping, going to an office party, meeting your friends, or instructing us to do something.

“Why does he say ‘I don’t care’ to everything I ask?”

Guys figure that any answer that involves a question about an idea you had will remove all possibilities of our answer being right. We’re also minimizing the use of those precious brain cells of which we’re saving up to indulge in one of our favorite pastimes.

“Why does he wait until right before we need to leave to get ready?”

Guys like to imagine themselves as perpetually ready for anything. We don’t need a special outfit to visit your parents, attend a performance of the Nutcracker, or crash your friend’s wedding. You tell us to get ready, and we think we already are. Then when it’s time to go you say, “You’re not wearing that are you?” So we go change and we’re forced to make everybody late just because you don’t like our sweat pants. That’s how I see it, anyway.

“Why does he make strange faces during sex?”

That is just our thinking face. Ignore it.

“Why does he blame me for everything that disappears?”

I’ve heard this complaint from both sides. However, from the male perspective, we mostly remember where we last put something. For instance, if I set the remote control in the microwave while fixing a turkey sandwich, when I go back to the kitchen to retrieve it, and it is not there, I’m going to holler at the only other human being in the house, to see where it has gone off to. The reply is usually, “It’s where it is supposed to go,” to which I have to answer, “And where is that?” Need some help realigning your relationship expectations? Psychic Shauna ext. 9010 can see where your relationship is headed.

“Why can’t guys drive?”

I think the problem lies somewhere in the fact that when you’re telling us how to drive, we can’t concentrate on what we’re doing. Women are natural protectors, and you are gifted with senses that go beyond our reach. However, most of us guys have made it this far without killing ourselves, so if you gave us a chance, we’d probably take ourselves even further down the road without your backseat driving skills. I’m kidding of course, but I’m sure at least a few guys are quietly nodding their heads.

“Why won’t he throw out those icky clothes from college?”

We’re sentimental about various stages of our life, and sometimes when we squeeze into a neon shirt from the Miami Vice era, we can still hear the sound of an 80s hair band. The other aspect is that we’re lazy. Throwing away clothes require their replacement, which means that we would need to go to the mall. We hate the mall, and would need to be ready by a certain time. Then we would fight about not keeping our promises to our women. In the meantime, while we are replaying this scenario in our mind, you accuse us of zoning out while you are talking, and so you ask again, “Can I throw this away?” We instinctively respond, “No. I’m keeping it.” Then you make some snarky comment about us being pack rats… However, we know what we’re doing. We know very well what we have just avoided!