What to Do When You Find Out Someone Has Been Cheating Through Sexting
You can call it texting, sexting or chexting. However, if you’ve engaged in chatting on your smart phone, there’s a chance you’ve been tempted by some of its low-lying fruit. It usually begins innocently with perhaps an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend who opens a conversation to see what you’ve been up to. The next thing you know, bra and panties are digitally disappearing into cyberspace, and you find yourself carried away in the fantasy.
The reason chexting is such a hot topic is because it’s not only easy to do, but quite common in relationships. Consider this statistic: One in 20 women have caught their guy “sexting” another woman or women. The key word is “caught,” as you can be sure there are plenty of others who have not been (yet). Some men question whether or not this action should be considered cheating, since there is no actual physical involvement.
What these men don’t realize is that women consider emotional cheating far worse than the physical version. And considering these guys are probably on their best Romeo behavior, the sex talk will be the least of their problems if their partner happens to discover the word “love” haphazardly splashed throughout their chexts.
Most guys have sexual fantasies about the girl next door, but just don’t act on it. The real problem with digital cheating is that it’s too damn easy. The barrier of a screen seems to enable a man to do things he might not normally do. The private nature of texting also makes women more likely to share intimate details about themselves, which can make them more susceptible to feeling close to a guy they hardly know.
So, what should you do if you discover your significant other has been stepping out under digital cover? You might think that you would leave him or her. However, most polls suggest a different outcome. In reality, most chexting victims stay in the relationship. If you do stay, there are a few rules that should be put in place before letting the offenders emerge from the dog house.
Rule #1: You need to step back and take an honest look at the relationship.
This is not always the case, but many times a partner who is sexting is attempting to supplement his or her life with things that they feel they are missing. A partner may feel unimportant, ignored, ugly, or just plain forgotten. Perhaps you are under a lot of stress, and haven’t noticed their cries for attention.
Rule #2: They need to understand what they’ve done and apologize sincerely.
A lot of reactions to being caught chexting are that “he/she didn’t mean anything,” and that they were just playing around. This may be true, but consider that playing with ammonia is also pretty innocent until you mix it with bleach. Chexting can be the beginning to much bigger acts of indiscretion.
Rule #3: Cut them off.
Once someone has become acclimated to the easy titillation of sexting, it will be necessary to cut them off from all temptations. This means cutting them off from all social-networking websites. This is where you will see the true sincerity of any apology that may have come from Rule #2. The sincere chexter will realize they need to regain your trust, and will not balk at losing such privileges. Do you feel like your partner doesn’t respect you? Justine ext. 5402 knows what’s in their heart.
Rule #4: Their virtual realm must now become public domain.
Chexting is an addiction, and a lot of its users find new ways to enjoy the same sinful pleasure. To make your point clear that you will not tolerate anymore acts of digital indiscretion, they should be required to allow access to his or her messages and accounts. Yes, they could always open a new one. However, the point is to make it clear that secrecy will no longer be tolerated. If they deny this request, you might as well nail that dog house door closed, as they are most likely still hiding something, and have no intention of changing.
Rule #5: When in doubt, seek external help.
Some relationships will never recover without the help of an external source, such as a relationship/marriage counselor. A licensed professional can act as a mediator, and help get to the bottom of what is really going on in your relationship.
Has the thought of cheating crossed your mind lately? Psychic Karmystic ext. 9457 know what you need to do before you go from thinking about cheating to actually cheating.
9 thoughts on “Cheating Through Texting”
I need help four years ago my family told me my husband had been setting. I confronted him he said he was sorry and would never do it again…but everyday he finds something to be upset about..like. My phone signature it was off and I didn’t realize it and of course he thought I had been talking to somebody else. And we argue more everyday….what do I do?
The same here 🙁 I threw his brand new 400eu mobile to the pool today and I am leaving,he has not cheated on me physicaly,but he HAS emotionaly,he has gone for my colleague,someone I knew and trusted and worked along for months and someone who have listened to him,when I was too busy shopping for his food,washing his socks and taking care of his daughter. He says he never wanted anything physical and he just needed me and I wasnt there for him. WHAT a bullshit.Yes I might have been too busy to listen to his stories,when I was taking care of his only daughter and working full time while doing all I mean ALL the chores at home. And he is the one feeling lonely. What did he expect,going for a single girl that has all the time in the world to take care of him,while I take care of his life,so he lives in a cotton wool and has no stress,oh sorry I forgot,he has a stresfull job,but wait we both work on the same position. Screw them all. I never thought he could/would do it to me. Carlos you did not cheat on me,you cheated on your daughter and I will not forgive you ever for this. Your little dream world and your friend is welcome to have you as I am already moving on and away. I dont wanna be come a control psycho bitch. I could never trust you,with your phone,anyone you speak to,internet,if you are late,its over now. Good luck it was good while it lasted.
mine started out with the texting and escalated to them sharing living arrangements …this was a 10 + year relationship with small children.after the apologies it still will never be the same.its hard because there will never be any trust whatsoever..were together now but not sure how long.its been the worst heartache ive ever been through in a relationship.especially since there are children involved..if there wasnt then absolutely no way id be with him now..yes if it starts out as sexting it will go further if allowed.he was working out of state and the woman was a co-worker who was also married over 10 years as well..some people only care about their selves and not the people they are hurting…
A very well written article, and I can relate to this 100%, each line is true and it is worthwile remembering it!
hmmmm, u got me thinking!!!!! #1 My husband NEVER trusted me, now he has reason not to. I miss our life, but dont want it back, his lack of trust ruined it, my reason for sexting is its fun, I enjoy it. #2 I will never apologise for it…. it does mean something to me, and it did lead to more indiscretions!!! #3 I am a grown adult, and will not be policed again by anyone, this is what got us here….. his lack of trust for NO reason, and trying to make me do as he wanted all the time, not anymore. #4 this is a very good point, it is an addiction, and as a smoker, hard to shake, if I wanted to, I will say one thing, I will not lie when caught, and I will not stop when asked, I will when I choose to, and I will never let my partner read my messages in any of my accounts, not just sexting, its my business who I write to, and communicate with, and I afford him the same courtesy, always have done!!! Your #5 I guess thats the place I am in, and I dont even think outside help will help us now. I am not doing this to hurt him, I am hurting, and will hurt me more, I guess I am angry at the wasted years at trying to please and show somebody I loved, that I loved them so much, I never looked at anyone else, then suddenly realised it was pointless cos it never was gonna change, so I changed, YES, I dont like the new me either, but there we go……..
Try having ur “girlfriend” texting their ex everytime she’s sitting across from u @ a restaurant. I hope they’re 2gether now & I hope she gets cheated on & stolen from all over again. Emotional cheating is far more hurtful… it hurts u 2 ur soul. Makes trust impossible. It stays branded on ur broken heart. Well… the best of luck 2 u Jenn. Don’t come whining 2 me when Vicki rips ur heart in 2 all over again.
Mine too caught him…said he was sorry lmao and said it didn’t mean anything…we are actually on a break right now because of all of this.
I “caught” my husband, AND HE STILL DENIES IT! AND still does it, lying about it all the while.
Hi Eric,
Excellent article and tips !!!