Red Responds: How to Break Up

How to Move On When it’s Time to Move On

Carey asks:

How do I get up the courage to tell my current boyfriend I want to move out and leave the relationship when he has no idea?

Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:

Dear Carey,

It is clear that you still care for your boyfriend, but, at this point, you are not truly in love with him any longer. He’s not a complete idiot—he has sensed your frustration and moments of irritation, and knows things have changed between the two of you. It’s just not as fun or easy as it once was. He’s hoping this is some kind of phase, or just a stressful period of disconnect, and not actually the beginning of the end. Rather than bring the changes to light in conversation, he’s hoping that if he ignores what he’s sensing, it will fade away and things will go back to normal.

While there isn’t a magical formula for finding courage, there are times in life when facing things and situations head-on is unavoidable. This is one of those times. Even though it’s difficult, the time has come for you to put what is best for you in the forefront of your visions and your life’s plans. If you don’t, your relationship is going to continue cruising along, because your boyfriend really doesn’t want to lose you, so he is not going to force any issues, or be the one to initiate a parting of ways. It’s going to hurt him, but he will let you go, with as much understanding as he can muster.

When you are ready to lay your cards on the table, be kind but honest. Staying with a man you can no longer see a future with isn’t helping him, and isn’t helping you. You want your freedom, and he wants to be loved. Staying together robs both of you of these very important things.

It doesn’t look as if this is going to be an easy split emotionally, largely because your boyfriend is going to try to see if there is a way to work things out with you. This will lead to some exhausting times during the separation process. It would be wise of you to do what you need to in order to stay strong. It won’t be easy or fun, but it is necessary that you maintain your focus and resolve.

Because this relationship really is over from your point of view, be clear and honest about that with your boyfriend. Pretending to give it another chance or more time will only cause additional pain for each of you, so spare yourself and him the pain of pretending that there is any hope of reconciliation.

Hurting someone you care for is never easy. As with most things, a kind, honest and succinct approach is the best avenue. Sooner is better than later, but you should get your life in order and be as prepared for this transition as you can be. It’s going to hurt, but there is no reason to prolong each other’s pain.

Throw out any notions of having precisely the right time, or the perfect choice of words. Don’t try and prepare a complete speech, or follow a script. Be conscious that you are going to break his heart, and that alone is deserving of an honest and compassionate conversation. Even though you’re going to dread the process, taking control of your life to pursue your own happiness does have it’s own rewards. You are finding your strength and courage, and releasing this dark secret will be liberating.

This is kind of going to feel like the end of an era, but both of you will ultimately have happier lives for it. All you can do is your best to help him understand that you are looking toward the future, and not back at the past. The sooner you move out after breaking the news, the sooner each of you can heal. Be mindful that this is your choice and your decision, so your boyfriend is not quite prepared for this life-changing event. Do what you can to encourage your soon-to-be ex to find support and distraction with family and friends, as it may help in keeping dramas to a minimum.

At the end of the day, you have to do what is right and what makes sense for you.

You’ll be fine. Good luck in you’re new life—things will work out easier and better than you are expecting.

Brightest Blessings,

Red

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