Think Like (and Become) a Happy Person

The Secret to Happiness

According to Dr. George E. Vaillant, MD and author of Spiritual Evolution: How We Are Wired For Faith, Hope And Love, “Aging happy and well is at least under some personal control.” In other words, we have the ability to control our own happiness, at least some of the time. And while it may be impossible to be joyful all of the time, there are a few things happy people know, that we could all benefit from.

Happiness is Love

“Happiness is love” says Dr. Vaillant. “The only thing that really matters in life is your relations to other people.” The love Valliant is referring to is your affection for family, friends, and/or your mate. Most people should be able to attain at least one of these three types of love, so happiness, to some degree, should be possible for everyone, depending on how they choose to perceive their life. Happy people maintain strong connections with others. If there was ever a true secret to happiness, it would be fostering as many friendships as you possibly can.

Happy People Act Like Happy People

There have been many studies that suggest you can create a happy state of mind, simply by deciding to do so (I’m happy, dammit!). So, if you want to be happy today, start acting the part, and nine times out of ten, you will actually start to feel some relief from the grief you’ve been lugging around.

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Happt People Use Strong Adaptive Mechanisms

Happy people use healthy defense mechanisms to cope with their sadness, anger, disappointment and rejection. Instead of relying on hypochondria and blame to deal with these difficult emotions, they incorporate humor and altruism. This makes happy people more likable  which means they will have more shoulders to cry on during a tough time. Happy people are also not only skilled at reacting well to stress, but they also find the good in a bad situation. This optimism is what allows happy people to enjoy most aspects of their life, even when there may be plenty of reason not to be happy.

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Happy People Ignore the Media’s Influence

In the 1940s, fun was considered throwing around a metal pie plate like a Frisbee, and then tending to your bruises afterward. Today, we have television, Internet, social media, and video games… and guess what? Studies suggest people today are less happy than people were 70 years ago. We can conclude from this that happiness cannot be dictated by your possessions, despite what the media tells you. People who strive for material wealth, will always fail to find true happiness. This is because love is what the human spirit desires, and this emotion can only be derived from an experience.

Happy People Understand That Health is Their True Wealth

Unhappy people don’t always consider this, but their unhealthy behavior also affects everyone around them. People with unhealthy addictions (food, cheating, drugs), blame their addiction on their poor relationships. Unfortunately, it’s more likely that the addiction  is the cause of these dysfunctional relationships. In other words, if you treat your body well, you will be rewarded with the strength to nurture a good relationship. In fact, most experts would agree than the benefit of regular exercise is just as good for your mental health as it is for your physical.

Happy People Think of Others First

“A cardinal rule for happiness is not to think less of ourselves, but to think of ourselves less,” says Dr. Vaillant. “Happiness isn’t about (you).” Finding happiness should never be your goal, as the moment you make that dependent on a chosen set of circumstances, you negate the possibility of ever finding true joy. This is because we are most happy when we are released from the burden of trying to attain the things that may not always be within reach. Making other people happy is easier to accomplish than trying to make yourself happy, and the result of this success is… you guessed it, happiness!

What other ideas would you add to this list?