How to Find the Right Man

Where’s Mr. Right?

The world is full of women actively in search of Mr. Right. However, I am unhappy to report that many of them are finding an abundance of Mr. Wrong. There is another side of this equation that I would like you to consider. There are also many men currently engaged in a search for Mrs. Right, and guess what? They aren’t having much luck either.

When you make the decision to find the right man, there is something very important to understand. Finding him will only be a portion of the hurdles you will need to overcome. There will come a day when your choices will be challenged by your own prejudices, preferences, expectations and understanding of what you need in a man. I can tell you that there is a sea of Mr. Wrongs wading around with rubber ducky floaters on their arms, and they don’t see themselves as wrong; just frustrated with being unable to find a proper balance between Bad Boy and Mr. Sensitive.

The story goes, a woman falls head over heals for a sexy, take-charge bad boy. He disrespects her, ignores her needs, and she gets tired of feeling like she is always in last place. She heads in the exact opposite direction, seeking out the most sensitive, loving man she can find. He gives her everything she wants (or so he thinks). However, she ends up feeling bored, empty, exhausted and lacking romance and passion. So, how can she (and you) find Mr. Right?

Where You Won’t Find Him

Before we get to the question at hand, I think it is important to discuss a few places where you won’t find your Mr. Right.

• He Won’t be on a White Horse. Some women want what they cannot have. They have too many requirements, and men will always fail to meet them.

• He Won’t Be the Next Best Thing. Women are attracted by the thrill of the chase; the forbidden fruit they have yet to taste. If you are addicted to roller coaster relationships, you are missing out on the security and happiness of a stable one.

• He Won’t Be Your Soulmate. I think the idea of a soulmate is wonderful. The problem is, women believe he is created out of a plaster mold, rather than whittled from a tree stump.

• He Won’t Jump in Your Cart. What happens when you go to the grocery store without a list of what you needed to get? You end up with a bunch of junk food. Well, the same can be true for men, which is why it is a good idea to know who you are (your value), and who you’re shopping for.

Defining Mr. Right

Mr. Right can be the man who brings excitement into an otherwise boring life (or marriage). He may be a stable rock who brings security and confidence to a situation that feels out of your control. He may be a sexy vessel that reminds you that you are still an attractive woman, worthy of being swooned. In other words, there are many Mr. Rights, and each one may be needed at different times in your life. So the question remains, how do you find him?

Where to Look

Finding the right man does not begin in church, on television, on a dating website or in a bar. It begins within your own mind. You are the only one who knows what you need in a man. However, there are a few suggestions that will help any man live up to your expectations. We’ve established that Mr. Right likely resides somewhere between the Bad Boy and Mr. Sensitive, and keeping this balance can be somewhat within your control.

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If you are a woman who tends to prefer men who are strong leaders, make sure his path is within the general area of your own goals (marriage, career, kids, etc.), otherwise he may be unwilling to compromise. Also consider that while he may prefer to control most situations, he must consider your needs along with his own, otherwise your relationship will never find balance (i.e. you will never get what you need).

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If you prefer the sensitive guy, you can maintain a healthy balance by negotiating leadership roles within your relationship. Rarely are women completely satisfied with holding the reins 100 percent of the time. By giving sensitive men responsibility within your relationship, you can instill confidence and leadership into him, which will go a long way towards adding security and passion to your relationship.

Finding the right guy is a mix of creating a shopping list, being willing to accept some substitutes, and understanding that while your satisfaction may not be guaranteed, you can always change the flavor by using a little spice.

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