A New Way to Find Love

Are Conditions Getting in the Way of Love?

As a psychic medium, the majority of calls I receive are from people who are longing to find love, whether it is new, old or trying to rekindle it with a current partner. Love is something we all seek in one form or another, isn’t it? It is our human nature to want to feel “connected” to another person in a very special way.

We all desire affection, attention and to feel heard and understood. Yet, sometimes those very desires may keep us from receiving just that. When our desire to “find” supersedes our desire to BE in the place of love—all types of havoc can ensue, both outwardly and inwardly.

Think about it. How much time do you spend in your head telling yourself that if your beloved would just exhibit a particular behavior or response toward you, then all would be well. How many disagreements do you have based on what your partner doesn’t do for you?

Let’s look at a few examples of these conditions we impose on those we “love” and the related statements we tell ourselves about such behaviors or actions.

1. He/She doesn’t compliment me enough. (I feel unappreciated.)
2. He/She doesn’t spend enough time with me. (I feel undesirable.)
3. He/She is too consumed with work. (I feel unimportant.)
4. He/She is too sexual (or not sexual enough). (I feel used or I feel unattractive.)
5. He/She wants to spend too much time with me. (I feel suffocated.)
6. I tell them that I love them more often than they say it to me. (I feel unloved.)
7. He/She seems withdrawn. (I feel invisible.)
8. He/She doesn’t listen to me. (I feel insignificant.)

When we look at the corresponding statements we see that our complaints often come from a place of fear. Mostly we fear being alone. So we set out to get our loved one to “prove” their love by completing rigorous hoop-jumping in order to convince us that their love is real.

I would like to propose that instead of looking for or insisting on certain behaviors in order for you to “feel” loved, that instead you might try just “being” love.

A popular belief is that we must first love ourselves in order to be loved and while certainly one could agree that if we are being loving toward ourselves, that others will act similarly toward us. However, what if the opposite were true? What if in our new-age, pop-psychology culture we have gotten it wrong, or at best misunderstood the meaning of such a statement? While it is true that our mindset determines what we create, I believe (through experience) that we must BE love in order to have it. What if instead we needed to have it in our attitude and actions toward others? If we live in the feeling then it shall be returned. Love is not a feeling—it is a state of being.

Yes, I said it, it’s a state of be-ing. A place where we come from; not a destination to arrive at!

I often find myself repeating this mantra when faced with difficulty or when my ego mind that tells me someone should behave a certain way toward me:

“What would LOVE do?”

My answer is generally very simple—love would love. That’s it!

So tell me, faced with your challenges, when you sift your fears, desires and wants through this filter—what would love do?