Lessen the Pain and Make Goodbyes Easier
There is no perfect way to say goodbye to someone. It’s something we all have to do at some point, yet we’re rarely prepared for the emotional reactions it triggers. Loss, nostalgia, sadness and anger are just a few of the feelings that may arise when we’re confronted by the harsh reality a goodbye brings to light: Time passes. Life is finite. That said, there are some strategies you can implore in order to lessen the blow of an unwanted parting—or at least grow as a result of it. Here’s how to ultimately reduce the pain of a goodbye over time and make goodbyes easier.
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Acknowledge Your Feelings
This is not a time to keep a stiff upper lip. While the goodbye may be unavoidable (i.e., if you’re being left, there’s no point in trying to control the situation and force someone to stay), you needn’t behave as if you’re unaffected to impress anyone. In fact, doing so will only leave you with regrets. You’ll later find yourself wishing you’d been authentic—whether because your think it could have changed things, or simply because you’ve learned the importance of your words and actions aligning with your honest experience. Instead of numbing out, let yourself feel whatever it is you’re feeling. That’s the only way it can pass and it can make goodbyes easier.
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Honor Your Experience
Ritual is a part of life for a reason. We hold weddings, funerals and other ceremonies in order to help us share in our joys and cope with our losses. They make goodbyes easier. The end of an era (via a breakup, move, or even death), is something to honor as well. Do something to celebrate the time in your life that is passing. Look at old photos, and if it’s not acrimonious, have a last dinner party. Don’t be afraid to remember what was meaningful—even if it brings about more pain in the moment. While wallowing is never healthy, it’s important to process your experiences and in doing so, you’ll find the loss easier to live with as time passes. Likewise, though it doesn’t always make it easier in the moment, if you accept that you are not alone in this experience, you’ll find you feel less lonely while you’re living it.
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Let Go
Modern technology makes it easy to stay in touch across time zones and hopefully, your parting of ways is not forever. It’s also a way to make goodbyes easier. However, even if it is a permanent situation, there is no point clinging to the past—or the pain of saying goodbye. Part of life is learning to let go. It makes no difference whether it means letting go of control, pride, expectations or another human being. Acceptance is the only way through things. The good news in that is that acceptance opens you up to the next chapter. By letting go of what’s gone, you open the door to new people, places and experiences. The only certainty in this life is change, and by embracing it, you go a long way toward making it positive.
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16 thoughts on “3 Ways to Make Goodbyes Easier”
ismy fanily going to connect with me ever?
I might have enjoyed this article more if I were not put off by the misspelling of ‘good-bye’. It always, always has a hyphen!!!! We are losing our language, and with that, we will lose our identity as Americans.
Actually, that’s debatable. Both versions (goodbye and good-bye) are acceptable.
http://www.grammarly.com/answers/questions/6777-goodbye/
Thanks of your very nice & meaningful words I can read here I am happy
This is exactly what I needed to hear today! I have a heavy heart for my son who is dealing with his father’s illness! I want to also be able to say goodbye to my ex and also in a kind way let him know through our differences, he was a great dad. I am far away now in another State and I am in the process.
The last time I talked to my dad is when I was 13 years old I’m now 42 I have 4 son’s that want to know him when my son’s we’re born I tried to talk to him he drove off I don’t know what I ever did it kills me
I’ve lost someone who I wouldn’t call a friend but served each other’s needs for 13 years. We’ve known each other for 15. He got married for the 2nd time in denial as to who or what he is. He told his wife to be three weeks before the wedding of his infidelity. Curious, what are the odds of this marriage being a success? Btw he is a control freak as well.
My children no longer want me in there life. I was a great mom but they say it wasn’t good enough. How do you get over the loss of two kids and a grandson?
This was perfect timing. I very recently informed a group of long-time friends that I no longer will be participating in our “girl’s activities,” because one of the women had just gotten on my nerve for way to long, and at the end of most get-togethers, I was miserable. I was afraid if I singled out the one person, others might feel that they had to “choose” between me or her… and I didn’t want that the be an outcome. I hope I handled it well. As hard as it was for me, and believe me it was extremely hard, I felt it was the right thing to do.
I’m moving to have a new start in life next week do u think this will be good for me.
This came in my email today, almost as though it was meant just for me. Since I was a child, I’ve hated goodbyes and have always tried to avoid them…I am leaving Ireland to go home, my last trip ever, and I will be telling my best and dearest friend of 6 years goodbye forever. I was struggling with how I would handle leaving him at the airport tomorrow knowing we will probably never see each other again. This helps…thank you
What if I’m not interested in new people? People are usually boring and shallow. Let’s say, I had a perfect soulmate, she died and now what? Open you heart to hundreds of women only interested in your money and sex? No, thank you, your advices are not helpful at all.
It seems that I am losing a very close friend – to dementia. Am having such a heavy heart. Any advice would be much appreciated. I cannot afford a reading. Thank you for any help. JKF
Wow, I needed this today. I’m trying to get over someone. Thanks!
This scares me because my cat ran away and I’m heartsick.
Is there something I should know? My some one is in the army . can you tell me Is he ok? no one there will tell me if he ok. They say yes but I’m not sure if they are telling me the truth.