Are Blunt People Honest People?
Billy Joel famously wrote and sang in his song, Honesty, “Honesty is hardly ever heard, but mostly what I need from you.” We need honesty, right? We need people to tell us the truth in all things, whether it’s how we look in an outfit, if the meal we made tastes good, or if they think our partners are being unfaithful. And who do we turn to for honesty? Often, it’s our friends and loved ones, but some of them are better at being honest than others. They may tell us what they think we want to hear, or they may be blunt to the point of being hurtful. Some people just have a way of not sugarcoating something, and even if they never intend to be malicious, their words can still be hurtful. If you value someone’s honest opinion, but can’t stand the way in which they deliver it, this article is for you. Here are my five tips for handling blunt people.
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Personal Attack or Pattern?
When someone says something hurtful to you, even if it’s the truth, you probably feel attacked. You probably feel like they singled you out. But do they reserve their blunt approach for you, or is that just how they talk to everyone? Before you get too insulted, observe how this blunt person speaks to their other friends. Are they just as blunt with them? If they are, know that their bluntness is not a personal attack on you, but rather, it’s how they talk to people. You might feel less insulted and hurt if you know you aren’t the only person they talk to like that.
Filter Their Words
It may be challenging to find the care and concern in the words of a blunt person. It’s easy to feel judged, but carefully consider their words. They may not be good at saying they’re concerned, so they say something seemingly judgmental instead. Do they bring up a good point? Are they addressing something significant that you’ve been avoiding? Maybe what they’re saying hurts you because there’s some truth to it.
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Address Your Discomfort
If their blunt words are making you uncomfortable, you need to address your discomfort. In order for any type of relationship to last, whether it’s a romance or a friendship, there needs to be compromise. This means that you both have to give a little. So confront your blunt friend and let them know how their words make you feel. Ask them to be kinder in the future. And then promise to be less sensitive. If they care about you and your feelings, they will acknowledge the hurt they’ve caused, and promise to do better in the future. And if you care about your friendship with them, you will strive to develop a thicker skin.
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Don’t Ask Them for Advice
If you’re soliciting advice from a blunt person, and you’re hurt by their delivery, consider not asking them for advice anymore. If you keep asking them for advice, and they keep hurting you, do you keep asking them for advice because you think it’s going to be different the next time? It won’t be. And some blunt people like to share unsolicited advice. If that’s also hurtful, you need to nip that in the bud. Tell them you aren’t interested in their opinions and don’t confide in them again.
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Reduce Contact or Totally Disconnect
Some blunt people are always going to be blunt, and they aren’t capable of seeing how they’ve hurt you. If you’ve expressed your feelings, stopped seeking their advice, put the kibosh on their unsolicited advice, and you don’t see an improvement, it’s time to reduce contact or totally disconnect. When you’ve had enough, you’ll walk away.
Life is often challenging and harsh. You deserve a little comfort and a soft place to land, and if you can’t get that from friends and loved ones, who can you expect to get that from?
11 thoughts on “5 Tips for Handling Blunt People”
Let’s also remember that bluntness is not considered rude in many countries that don’t speak English, which is why often people have this trait. So, by telling someone they are being rude when they are simply speaking like their people speak, that’s not very considerate of their feelings and identity, is it?
Being blunt is basically being honest, hence if you ask a friend and or a loved one a question and he or she gives an answer that you may not like or expected to get then there is no need to get upset or be thin skin with the answer that you get. Fix what is need to be fix and problem solved simple.
Sashakay, being blunt is being honest but being hurtful at the same time. There are ways to be honest while also being nice. Being blunt isn’t nice and doesn’t take other people’s feeelings into account which is hurtful
Some of this is okay but the last section is crap. Blunt people call it how they see it. Period. If you deduce that that is just who they are and you still get your feelings hurt then maybe you need to genuinely assess your own insecurity. If you ask me how your shirt looks and I say, “it’s the color of cat vomit” but you like the shirt, wear the damn shirt! Don’t duck me because you asked my opinion and I gave it to you. What the hell kind of friend lies? People want their feelings protected more than they value honesty and that’s the sad truth.
No, the problem is that blunt people easily dish out criticism but can’t take it back in return. They easily lash out or confront you (even more than usual) when you point out they’re incorrect about something. It’s hypocritical, and tiring to deal with.
An excellent way to illustrate why the last point is exactly important!
The premise that you give is that the choice between respecting someone’s feelings and being honest is binary, but that is not true! you can be honest without being rude. you don’t like the colour of the shirt? You can just say it! This ‘lie or be honest’ distinction is the exact problem that people have, because it can reflect a complete disregard for someone else’s feelings. And if you feel that you are above that, or that others SHOULD stand above that: I don’t blame anyone for walking away! Emotions are not to be dismissed.
Your words really helped. God bless you
Great article. Good tips!
There is a difference between blunt honesty and abusiveness. Some people are control freaks
and like to put you down to feel better about themselves. Try being blunt back and see how
they like it. Step away from the relationship if they continue to attack and if they ridicule you.
For sure, we need to get a thicker skin with people in general and not allow others to abuse
you and manipulate you.
Often when you attract critics, it’s because of our own low self-esteem and it will only erode
our confidence to associate with hyper-critical and judgemental persons.
Often we are our own worst critic and should be gentler on ourselves!
Good article. I couldn’t agree more.
LOVE THEM FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO…….
that is …blunt and rude people……
Right????